Date: Saturday
Hey, Sara:
Yep, it was definitely a surprise. When you mentioned that you thought we were close(ish) to engagement, well, me too. I am not the happiest girl on the block right now, that's for sure. I feel like I've wasted time, sort of. But at the same time, I'm feeling like, well, I'd wait for him. It's a hard line between pride and emotion, that's for sure. Either I sap over him for many a day, (and a) have him come back, and thus be vindicated or b) have him *never* come around, and thus be humiliated) or I can act like I don't need him, nothing matters, accept it, move on and be stuck in therapy for ten years. A year and a half we went out, can you believe this? Had you told me even three weeks ago that he was entertaining doubts about our relationship, I wouldn't have believed you (two weeks ago, he said he wanted to pray about it for a while. Otherwise I probably would have been clueless, too.) He says he still wants to be friends, but I'm kind of picking up on a tone (from his e-mails, he hasn't called) that I recognize from my own "Yes-we're-friends-now-get-away-from-me" days.
It hurts, I tell ya. Especially when he said that he knew something was wrong because when I said I thought about him during the day, he couldn't say the same. He didn't want to be around me, didn't think of me. Ouch, ouch, ouch.
Sorry I'm going on like this... But it just happened on Wednesday. I figure this is healthy. Anyway, I'll be back for Thanksgiving (I don't know how long, though) so hopefully I'll see you then...
Love you!
From: Me
Subject: Re: Hey girlie
To: Sara #1
Me