| I do know how to construct a sentence--this is a soliloquy I wrote. It's better read out loud. |
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Sometimes people ask me if I want to beat him up. Of course I don't want to beat him up. I want him to come back to me and love me. Do you read Shakespeare? Of course you do; everybody does. He speaks about an unaltering love. You know. I'm sure he's right, and so I am trying not to alter. I sit and I think, and sometimes I think it's hopeless, but I do not alter.
Sometimes I sit and dream of things I'd like to say. If I happened to see him on the street I would not say anything like this immediately, but in the course of a conversation, if the topic somehow cam up and he said he was surprised that after all that I could still be in love with him, I know what I would like to say. "In love with you!" I would say. "Of course I'm still in love with you. How could I not be? I've been in love with you for a while now; did you think my love would shut off as soon as yours closed? Love gives. It does not recieve. I can see that right now you don't understand. And that disapoints me, because it proves that you were never in love with me. Not really. The kind of true love that is between a man and woman is probably the first truly selfless love anyone ever has. You love your parents, you love your relatives; but selflessly, especially when you're younger. Life isn't the same for everyone. But the emotion that comes between two people that are truly in love is not selfish or hurtful. It is not destructive. It can't be, because if it is it becomes something other than love and suddenly it is greedy. I do not love you because you love me. I will continue loving you regardless. But my mind and spirit are sick from want of yours. Do you understand? My heart selflessly loves you, but my mind and body need you." |