Summary: A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike’s crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer’s world is turned upside down once more.

Spoilers: Set post “Grave”

Rating: PG-13

Author’s Notes: None

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it’s going.

Feedback: You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.

~*~*~*~

It had been hours since Xander had dropped Buffy and Dawn off at home, and he was now sitting with Willow in her small apartment. After she’d tried to end the world, she’d thought it best to move out of the Summers house, for obvious reasons, and with the help of her parents, she’d moved herself into the small, cozy apartment she now called home. At first it had been strange… Not seeing Willow everyday… Although, ever since what they now referred to as ‘The Incident’, Xander and Willow had grown closer. It had in fact been Xander who had saved her, after all.

For a long time after it had happened, Willow had avoided all contact with any of them. Especially Buffy. Her guilt had been overwhelming… Trying to end the world wasn’t exactly something you could just brush off with a couple of quick apologies. Not to mention the fact that she’d also tried to kill them all… Her friends… Her family.

Instead of dealing, she’d locked herself away and refused to have any contact with the outside world. No matter how many times Xander had called, begging her to pick up the phone. But she hadn’t… Not even once. So, that considered, she couldn’t exactly say she was surprised when she’d come home one day, after a quick run to the grocery store, and found him lounging around on her sofa. The first thing she did was scream at him to get out… When that didn’t work she was reduced to begging for him to leave, silent tears welling in her already swollen and bloodshot eyes… Still, he refused. And when she finally realized that he wasn’t going anywhere, she’d broken down and cried in his arms once again, just as she had the day she’d tried to destroy the world with her magicks.

After that, he was there every other day, simply to be her best friend. They would watch movies, listen to music, talk… Whatever they felt like doing. It was almost like old times… Like high school. The way it had been before she’d started using magick. And it felt good to have that back… That bond that best friends have with one another. Not that things were all better… They weren’t. They probably never would be again… But it was getting better. Buffy had started speaking to her again not two weeks after the incident had occurred, and life was almost back to normal again there, too. Giles, the ever-understanding Englishman that he was, somehow didn’t blame Willow for what she had done. Anya hadn’t exactly been happy with her, for the most part because she’d destroyed the magick shop, but she too had gotten over it quicker than Willow would’ve expected. Dawn, though, was a completely different story… She still hated the former Wicca for what she’d done. But Willow was able to accept that… She had to… Besides, she knew better than anyone that she deserved whatever the girl had to throw at her.

Now, she tended to shy away from the Magick Box a bit… The place seemed to hold a lot more bad memories than good these days. Right now she didn’t need to be burdened by those memories. If Willow were to show up back there at this point, it would only make things more difficult for her. What she had done was horrifying… It chilled her to the bone to think that she had nearly murdered everyone she had ever held dear in cold blood. How she could’ve done that, she didn’t know. And she probably never would. When it had happened, she had felt as though every drop of humanity had been drained from her until there was nothing more than the power of darkness left within her… But there had been some tiny shred of humanity left in her. And that had been just enough for Xander to grasp in order to pull her back. He had been her saving grace.

Xander sat beside Willow as she searched for anything and everything that could be of help. The two of them had been working at it for hours, and they just didn’t seem to be finding anything. Not anything Spike and Anya hadn’t already told them anyway. Both of them were beginning to get frustrated.

Sighing, Xander glanced up at her. “You thirsty?” he asked distractedly. He was about ready to fall asleep… It had been a long, long day, and this certainly wasn’t helping matters any.

“Sure.” she replied, never once glancing up from her laptop.

Xander nodded before getting up and making his way to the tiny kitchenette to find a couple of sodas. Willow stayed engrossed in the information on the computer screen. There really wasn’t much that she thought they could use, but the page had mentioned something that sounded a lot quite similar to this thing they were looking for, and there was quite a bit of information. Most of it was nothing more than background, but it was possible that it could be of some help… She just hoped she wouldn’t have to go to the Magick Box with Xander to convey it. Seeing Spike again wasn’t something she was particularly thrilled about… She couldn’t even imagine how angry he was going to be with her. She had attacked Buffy and Dawn in her rampage… Buffy and Dawn were his life, and she knew that better than anyone. Were anything to ever happen to them, it would destroy him. No matter how much everyone else in the group continuously tried to deny it, Willow had always known that the vampire was capable of loving them. How, she wasn’t exactly sure, but it was love pure and simple. She had threatened the only two people on earth that he cared for at all, and she didn’t really want to know what his reaction would be… Soul or no soul.

“Xander!” she called, glancing up toward the kitchen. A moment later, he appeared in the doorway, two Colas in hand and looking as though he would drop dead from exhaustion at any moment. Before she could stop herself, she let out a quick giggle before her hand flew up to cover her mouth; the large smile plastered on her face obvious with the way the corners of her eyes crinkled slightly.

Xander rolled his eyes as he moved from his position in the doorway to plop himself back down beside her. Handing her one of the sodas, he popped his open and took a long swallow before his eyes locked with hers once again, this time questioningly. “What’s up?”

“I think I might’ve found something… I mean, I don’t know exactly how much help it’s gonna be, but it’s something… From what you’re telling me, at this point, any information is welcomed, right?” Her question was hopeful. Right now, she really wanted the chance to help out with this… No, helping wasn’t going to make everything better… She knew that. But if she could help, she needed to. Maybe it was just a type of peace offering to Spike. Not that the information wasn’t needed. Any information they could get could possible be of help.

“Yeah… You really found something?”

“Yeah. Well, I think I did. I’m not really sure if it’s gonna help any, but yeah, I found something.”

“Great!” Xander’s exclamation was a bit too enthusiastic, and Willow gave him an amused look. He shrugged, calming down a bit. “Sorry… It’s just, ya know, gonna live… I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s a definite plus.” Willow laughed and he smiled slightly. It was nice to see her happy again… That smile had been absent for far too long. “So… Magick Box?”

“Do I have to?” she questioned, a little apprehensive.

“What’s wrong with the Magick Box?” He looked at her curiously, not exactly sure why she was so reluctant.

“Well… Spike, ya know? I mean, I after what I did to Buffy and Dawn… He can’t be all too happy with me right now.” She felt a bit embarrassed. It wasn’t so much that she was scared of Spike… She just wasn’t sure how he’d react when he saw her again.

“He’s not gonna do anything… The whole soul thing… And then there’s Buffy. He knows she’d be pissed. He may not be thrilled with ya, but he’s not a threat.”

Though she was still slightly unsure, she nodded and hit the print button on the computer screen. Once they had the information they needed, they were up and out the door.