Summary: A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike’s crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer’s world is turned upside down once more.

Spoilers: Set post “Grave”

Rating: PG-13

Author’s Notes: None

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it’s going.

Feedback: You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.

~*~*~*~

Buffy shot up in bed, breathing heavy; tears staining her cheeks. She’d had that dream again… The one with the blood and gore and the twins and Spike’s untimely demise… It had terrified her. It always terrified her. She still didn’t know what to make of it. For a long time, she’d tried to convince herself that it had been brought about by his leaving. But now he was back and she kept having the dream… And her dreams weren’t always just dreams… Especially not when they were repetitive. She was scared to death. If she were to lose him again, she wasn’t sure if she could make it…

Wrapping her arms tightly around the extra pillow beside her, she hugged it tightly to her and sobbed. She couldn’t lose him again… Ever. She needed him. She needed him so much it hurt. And she couldn’t live without him beside her. Not ever again…

~*~*~*~

In the next room, all Dawn could hear were her sister’s sobs. She tried her best to ignore them and continue reading her magazine, but it just didn’t seem to be working. At the moment, she wasn’t exactly thrilled with her sister… In fact, for the past few months, ever since Spike had been gone, she’d hated her. He had only left them because of Buffy and the way she’d treated him. Dawn was fully aware of what the vampire had tried to do to her sister, but she also knew how Buffy had treated him. Not that she was saying that what Spike had done was right, it wasn’t and she knew that better than anyone, but he hadn’t needed to leave because of it. Besides, if Buffy hadn’t have been using him for god only knows how long, it never would’ve happened in the first place. Dawn knew she probably had no right to blame Buffy for Spike fleeing town, but that didn’t stop her… Who else was she gonna blame?

As much as she hated Buffy for what she’d done to Spike, it didn’t stop her from caring about her sister… The same sister who had died to save her and the rest of the world. The same sister who had been trying her best to make everything right again while dealing with not only slaying, but also having been ripped from heaven. She knew it must have been terrible for Buffy… All of it. But that still didn’t make what she’d done to Spike right. And it didn’t make what Spike had done to Buffy right. And it didn’t make Dawn stop loving her sister.

Sighing, the younger Summers pushed herself up into a sitting position on her bed and tried to debate whether or not she should go see what was wrong with Buffy. After a few more minutes of listening to sister cry, she decided it would be best to go talk to her. It seemed that the Slayer had been excessively depressed ever since Spike had left… And now, with him back and her sister still crying herself to sleep, Dawn was beginning to wonder what exactly could be wrong. Whatever it was, it had to be bad… And her sister needed someone to stalk to. So, her mind made up, Dawn got up and made her way to her sister’s door.

“Buffy?” she called out quietly as she turned the knob and slowly stepped into the room. “You okay?”

When she realized Dawn was in the room, Buffy quickly sat up; hastily wiping away the tears that streaked her face. “Dawn, hi…” She looked up at her sister, a fake smile plastered across her face; her voice sounding far too cheerful considering her swollen, bloodshot eyes. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“That’s what I came to ask you…” Dawn replied, the corners of her lips turning up a bit but never quite turning into an actual smile as she sat beside her older sister. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying? I mean, you’ve been all depressed since Spike left, and I thought now that he’s back you’d be better… Aren’t you happy he’s back?”

“Of course I’m happy.” Buffy looked up at her sister, her smile real this time. “I missed him so much when he was gone… So much it hurt. Literally. When I woke up and saw him there beside me, I was… God, I was so happy, I can’t even put it into words. After months of thinking that I’d lost him… forever… I just… It was incredible, ya know?”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Dawn, you don’t have to…”

Dawn held up her hand to stop her sister from finishing that sentence. “Buffy, I know I haven’t exactly been thrilled with you lately… And I’m not gonna pretend like I’m not mad anymore, ‘cause I am… But as angry as I may be with you right now, I still love you. I always will love you. You’re my sister… You died for me. That means a lot… And no matter how angry I get with you, I’m always gonna care… Right now you’re hurting, and I wanna know what’s up. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Buffy smiled at the younger girl once again… Then her gaze traveled to her hands and held there. She supposed it was about time she told Dawn about the dreams… Maybe if her sister knew, it would help Buffy to sort things out. “It’s just … Ever since a couple of weeks after Spike left, I’ve been going to Spike’s crypt… Staying there over night, as you’ve probably already figured out. The first time I was there, I had this weird dream. It’s about me, and Spike, and these two beautiful little girls… Our children. Twins.” Buffy’s eyes raised to meet with Dawn’s once more as her smile grew and her eyes began to water once again. Dawn smiled slightly at the thought and reached out to take Buffy’s hand in hers as a way of comfort and support. Taking a deep, calming breath, Buffy continued. “And every time… in the end… Spike dies. And it terrifies me… Because I don’t think I can live without him… Ever, ever again. Dawn, I love him. I can’t lose him…”

“Oh, god… Buffy…” Dawn’s voice was sympathetic as she reached out and pulled her sister into a hug. Stroking her hair soothingly, Dawn allowed Buffy to cry on her shoulder. “Buffy, it’s okay… It was just a dream. He’s here now. He’s here, and he loves you, and he’s not going anywhere. You know that, don’t you?”

“But what if it’s not just a dream?” Buffy choked out between sobs. “What if it means something… What if means that something’s gonna happen to him. Dawn… I keep having this dream. Over and over again… Every night that he’s not with me… And what if it’s a Slayer thing? What if it’s a prophecy? That’s happened to me before. What if I lose him again?”

“Buffy, you’re not gonna lose him.” Dawn’s voice was firm… Reassuring. “He loves you, and he’s not gonna leave you. Not unless you want him to. He’s not going anywhere. It was just a dream… You’ve got to believe that, Buffy.”

“But I can’t…” she murmured quietly. “I can’t because I love him too much… I love him, and this dream terrifies me. I don’t wanna lose him, Dawn… I can’t lose him. I love him.”

“I know…” Dawn whispered, almost in tears herself. “I know…”