Summary: A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike’s crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer’s world is turned upside down once more.

Spoilers: Set post “Grave”

Rating: PG-13

Author’s Notes: None

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it’s going.

Feedback: You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.

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“Well, this is just a big waste of time.” Buffy’s voice was filled to the brim with pure annoyance. She and Spike had been patrolling the many Sunnydale cemeteries for almost two hours, and they’d gotten nothing but a couple of fledglings who definitely hadn’t been experienced in their fighting. It wasn’t so much that she felt the need for violence and murder tonight… She just didn’t like to sit around the cemetery for hours at a time for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Though, the time had given her some alone time with Spike... Time that they’d spent discussing the thing everyone else was researching. Maybe if they talked about something else, she’d feel better about being there…

“So, the Niblet’s patrolling with ya now?” Spike questioned out of the blue.

Glancing up at him, she laughed… That took care of it. “Thanks.”

He gave her a confused look. “For what?”

“Subject change…” she replied, smiling up at him. Returning the smile, he simply shook his head. “Yeah, I’ve been lettin’ her patrol with me… Hell, she’d probably be out here with us tonight if she didn’t have so much homework. I don’t usually let her on school nights, but since you just got home and all, I might’ve made an exception. But, because she’s always gotta wait till the last minute to finish her schoolwork, I had to say no, ‘cause I can’t let her start slacking off again… That could be very, very bad.”

He nodded his agreement as he slipped an arm around her waist. “I get that… So, what else has been different since I took off?”

She took a moment to think. A lot of things had changed, but she wasn’t all too sure exactly what he already knew about… The night before, he’d told her he knew about what had happened with Tara and Willow… And then, he’d spent an entire day at the Magick Box with Giles and Anya who could’ve explained plenty to him… So where was she going to start? Sighing slightly, she glanced up at him. “Well…” she began, still not sure what exactly she should bring up. “I quit the Doublemeat.”

He smiled at her. That was definitely good for her. The place gave him the creeps… The people there were either mindless drones or overly happy with a smile permanently etched on their creepy little faces. He certainly wasn’t gonna argue with her choice to leave... He just hoped she’d found something better. “So, what’re ya doin’ now, then?”

“Working at the school actually. New self-defense teacher... They’ve never had one before, but the principal thought it might actually be a good position to add. Ya know, ‘cause we live in Sunnydale on the hellmouth and all.”

“You really picked up a job at the school?” he questioned, surprised. He’d never really pegged her as the teaching type. When she nodded, he smiled a bit… Buffy’s working at the high school could definitely be good for her relationship with Dawn… The two actually seemed to be doing a lot better since he’d been gone. Though, at the Magick Box the night before, he had sensed a bit of tension between the two. “Everything alright with you and the Little Bit?”

For a moment she was silent. She was afraid that, were she to tell him the reason for the awkwardness between her and Dawn, he would feel worse than he already did… She knew his guilt was weighing on him terribly, and she didn’t want to make it worse for him. Sighing a bit, she let her gaze travel down to her feet, where it held. “Since you left she’s been kinda angry with me… Like really angry with me. Today, now that you’re back, she seems to be a little less distant, but I know she’s still mad.”

“She was mad at you because of me, wasn’t she?” he asked; his voice quiet as he noticed the change in her posture.

“No…” she looked back up at him, taking hold of his hand to stop his forward path.

When he felt her hand in his, he stopped, but didn’t immediately turn to her. As tears flooded his eyes, he squeezed them shut tightly; swallowing hard and trying his best to will them away. He’d hurt her again... This time through Dawn. And he hated himself for it.

“Spike, please…” She pleaded for him to look at her. “It wasn’t your leaving... It started around the same time, yes... But that was because she’d only just found out about the two of us, and then the whole thing with Willow… She just didn’t have time to hate me before you left. This isn’t your fault. It’s my fault... I hurt you, and when I did that I hurt her. She loves you like a brother... A father even. I wasn’t willing to accept that, and I hurt her because of it. I swear to you, none of this is your fault.”

He was staring back at her now; his stormy blue eyes piercing her hazel ones… All she could see behind those eyes was the pain of guilt. When she saw it, she felt her own eyes fill with unbidden tears. As she stepped closer to him, she let his hand slip from hers, while she reached out to trail a gentle touch along his cheekbone.

She hated seeing him this way... Hated to see him in pain... Of any kind. She always had. She remembered all too well how she’d felt seeing him lying on the hard stone slab of the sarcophagus after Glory had beaten and tortured him… And that time it had been the same. She had been the cause of that pain. All she had wanted to do when she’d seen him there was throw her arms around him and hold him until all the pain he was in had disappeared... But that had been out of the question considering his bruised and beaten state. So she’d done the next best thing... She’d kissed him.

“I promise you, it wasn’t your fault. I need you to believe that... Please.” She was begging him, and she couldn’t care less… She couldn’t see him this way. She just couldn’t... “Please…” she murmured once again as she rested her forehead against his; her thumb gently caressing his cheek. Her own tears slipped from her eyes as his arms snaked around her pulled her close.

After a moment, her head moved to his shoulder and her hand fell to his chest. When she felt him nod slightly, she breathed a tiny sigh of relief. Snuggling deeper into his arms she let him hold her. The comfort she received from their position warming her heart.

“Alright, Love…” he whispered softly into her hair, before pressing a soft kiss into her golden locks. “What’d ya say we get on back to the Magick Box? They’re probably wonderin’ where we’re at by now…”
She nodded slightly, though she made no move to leave his arms; not yet willing to break the contact between the two of them. She didn’t really want to leave for the Magick Box and end up having to kick Xander’s ass due to his dislike for Spike…

“Not yet?” Her words were hopefully questioning, and when he glanced down to see the peacefulness that was written across her features, he couldn’t resist her charms. “Can’t we just stay like this? Just for a little while longer?”

“Always, Love… Always…”