Summary: A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike’s crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer’s world is turned upside down once more.

Spoilers: Set post “Grave”

Rating: PG-13

Author’s Notes: None

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it’s going.

Feedback: You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.

~*~*~*~

He watched her as she slept. She was the picture of beauty. Her face was all innocence… Almost childlike as she rested in his arms. It had been a few hours since he’d shown up and found her in her distraught state. Once she’d wrapped herself around him, though, her tears had quickly dissipated. Instead, she’d cuddled against him, letting out a contented sigh. He’d concluded that in those moments, she must have thought him to be either Angel or Riley… Not much sense in getting his hopes up… She’d broken his heart far too many times for that. So instead, he’d settled for simply holding her.

He’d slept for awhile himself… Better than he had in a long while in fact. For the first time in months, he wasn’t plagued with the nightmares of what he’d done. Instead, he was happy. He knew it couldn’t last… But in those moments, it was enough.

When Buffy awoke, she was unsure of what to make of the strong arms encircling her. She felt safe there. It was Spike, that much she knew… But was she dreaming again? What else could it be? He wasn’t there… He would never be there. It always ended the same. They left. They left and they never came back. And yet, this time it was so different. This time he’d only gone because she had pushed him away. Would it really have been so hard to have just told him she loved him? No… She saw that now. It was all so much clearer now… But now it was too late. It was over… He was gone. For good.

For a long time, she kept her eyes closed, refusing to disturb the moment. She reveled in his touch… Even if he wasn’t really there. But it felt real… Then again so did the dreams, but this was different somehow. She didn’t really want to lose this moment… But she did want to know if it was possible that he’d come back to her. Something inside her screamed that this wasn’t simply a dream, and she needed to know…

After quite some time of debating with herself, she reluctantly let her eyes flutter open. And when they locked with the stunning blue pools that belonged to her former lover… The man who had haunted her dreams for months… She wasn’t sure what to think. Was she still dreaming? Was there any other explanation? Could he really have come back to her?

“Spike?” she whispered softly, bringing her fingers to trail across his scarred eyebrow and then down along his jaw line. “Am I dreaming again?”

“Not unless we’re having the same one, Love.”

“Dream-Spike just said the exact same thing to me…” she replied, her thumb now caressing his cheek, her eyes still locked on his. And then she saw him smile that stunning, tight-lipped smile… The one that had ‘you’re adorable’ written all over it. She’d only seen it a couple of times before… All the night she’d gone to his crypt and gotten herself drunk before they’d gone looking for information and she’d ended up watching him cheat at kitten poker. Actually, she’d been so wasted that night, she was surprised she remembered seeing it at all… But she was glad she did.

“Promise I’m not dream-Spike, Pet.” he teased lightly, his smile growing wider when he heard her giggle.

After a moment, she took a deep breath, joyous tears flooding her eyes as she realized he really was there before her; lying next to her. “So… you’re really here, then?” He nodded in affirmation and her tears slipped from her eyes. The sheer happiness that he invoked within her was overwhelming. Pulling him to her, she clung to him tightly, unwilling to let go of this moment. “I missed you so much…” she murmured against his shoulder, light sobs choking her words.

“I kinda got that last night, Love.” he told her softly. Pulling away a bit, she gave him a questioning look, not sure exactly what he meant. He smiled softly, gently brushing a stray strand of her golden blond hair behind her ear. “I came in and saw you here. Turned to leave the second I saw ya… Didn’t think I could face you. And then I heard you call out to me and when I turned you were crying… Never have been able to take that, ya know? So I tried to wake you up. It didn’t work. You just latched onto me like a little girl who’d just had a nightmare.”

“I was…” she whispered softly, smiling almost sadly through her tears. “I dreamt that I lost you again…”

“God, I love you, Buffy.” He was overcome with pure joy and happiness as he heard those words pour from her lips. Had she really forgiven him? It was perfect… Everything. Just being here with her. He wasn’t really expecting a reply from her when he said the words… But there was hope in his eyes, and he knew it… This time he had no way of hiding it… It was too strong. He loved her too much.

“I’m not gonna tell you I love you.” Her reply was gentle as she reached out to twine her fingers in his hair. She smiled a bit in reassurance when she saw his eyes drop a bit. That light of hope lessening slightly. “Not yet… Not here, not now…” she added softly. His eyes raised to meet hers in slight confusion, though that hope was re-ignited. “When I do, it’s going to be perfect.”

When. The word kept repeating itself in his mind as he stared at her in pure astonishment. Had she really meant that? Did she love him? The perfection of that moment got the best of him, and his own tears began to slip silently down his cheeks. But how could she have forgiven him for what he’d done to her? He wanted to ask her… He wanted to ask her so badly. But he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to push the words passed his lips. What he had done… It was so horrifying. He couldn’t even think about it, much less discuss it with her… But he needed to know.

“Hey…” she whispered gently, squeezing his arm lightly in reassurance. When he felt it, his eyes raised to meet hers, sadness and guilt suddenly radiating from the stunning blue pools. Their eyes locked and she held his gaze, her beautiful hazel eyes full of assurance. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Sudden relief washed over his features at her words. “How did you know…?”

“That you were thinking about it?” When he nodded she smiled. “You were getting all fidgety.”

“Oh.” For the first time he realized that his fingers were twisted in the bed sheets, where they hadn’t been before.

She smiled brightly. Was she seeing things, or was that embarrassment painted across his handsome face? It wasn’t as clear as it would have been, were he human, but it was there. Embarrassment wasn’t typically among Spike’s more prominent attributes, but it shown through every now and then… on very few occasions… and it was there. But this time it was different somehow… In fact, it didn’t seem to be the only thing. Something had changed about him. And it was something important. But what was it?

Again, she reached out, running her fingers lightly along his jaw line; her touch feather-light. Curiousness had crept into her eyes and she needed to know… What had happened to him while he was gone? Where had he been? Why had he left? It all seemed to tie-in somehow… But how? “Something’s different… Something important…” Her voice was soft, almost a whisper… as if she were speaking to herself. “What is it?”

“My soul, Love.”