2. What kind of music do you guys play anyway?
A: Well, for those who don't have any sense of sarcasm, we play emo\skate punk. We hate old school metal, and we hate metal in general, so we say that we play metal as a joke. It's that simple.

3. Why is the name of your band, the Ted Danson Project?
A: Because he is an exceptional actor and we love is work. Also because he is old and lame and totally unrelated to punk music.

4. Are you guys gay?
A: No, we are sarcastic. Next question.

5. Do you guys really shave your pubes?
A: Yes

6. You guys are quite talented, so why do you play such crappy music? Your music sounds like farts from a baboon's ass.
A: Alright, now I'm pissed. For all of you people that say "Nah nah, punk is garbage. nah nah, it has no rythm, nah nah, it takes no talent" I say : FUCK OFF, YOU THIRD EYE BLIND LOVING PIECE OF SHIT!!!! Our music takes just as much talent as anyone else's. First of all, we're playing like ten times as fast as any shitty alternative band, we're playing the lead that fast, we're playing the rythm that fast, and when we slow down we're playing awesome ska grooves, and our lyrics actually means something, and we don't sound like all of those pansy ass piece of shit bands that say "oh well, punk is all three chords".

7. I'm sorry, where can I send you lots and lots of money to make up for it?
A: You can e-mail us with your credit card and PIN numbers (cash would be nice too).

8. Why don't you guys make a more professional web site? Your humour offends me, and I would prefer that you didn't glamourize masturbation.
A: Shut up, it's funny. Asshole.

9. Where do babies come from?
A: Well, Brent asked us that question like last week. It all starts with disco music. For Brent though, we stuck to the stork story. Hehe.

10. I have never tried to masturbate before, and I wish to give it a whirl. Where can I find some good, free porn sites?
A: A question for the ages. But no need to worry, Jon's got his own top ten list. E-mail him and ask him for it.

11. What is the meaning of Cream of Tom soup? I don't understand what this refers to?
A: You fucking idiot, it refers to sweet male semen. Learn your sexual inuendos dummy.

12. Why do you guys pick on speed metal bands so much? They're people too.
A: Well, ummm, uhh. Shit, I'm in touble. Here's a picture of Chuck Norris to distract you from this confrontation. Chuck Norris; Isn't he a handsome man?

13. You guys suck so much, and your web site is a laughing stock, so like, do you guys even play good music? (And why is there a picture of Chuck Norris above?)
A: No, we actually can't play at all. Asshole. Of course we can play, so if you live in the Ottawa-Carleton region stay posted and if you see anything about a show you can come and heckle us because we post pics of raw ass and we hate speed metal. Nuff Said. Chuck Norris is hilarious. Not as hilarious as Ted Danson though. Jesus, we're going to get sued or something. Holy cowballs!

14. Will you go out with me?
A: James, I told you last time, I'm giving up on gay love! After the last fruit fest I didn't sit down for months. You tore me a new corn hole foo!

15. Sometimes it burns when I pee. I slept with a rabid monkey last night. What do I do?
A: Do we look like sex doctors? No, we're not, but all I can say is how big was the monkey's penis, and where can I find one like him. You know, for research purposes.

16. Okay, I thought that Grant seemed pretty nice, and then I wrote him a long e-mail, and he sent me some lude photographs, and they kind of disturbed me. Then he came over and tried to get nasty with my dog. I was wondering why this is?
A: Was that a dog?

17. How many questions on this faq were actually asked by people?
A: Four at most, including this one.

18. Does Brent have breast implants? He looks pretty stacked.
A: He does have a hot rack. Don't we all. Don't you like that tight ass!

19. Okay, this girl was going to perform oral sex on me, and she did it and it was great, but when the lights came on she was putting her glass eye back in. What does this mean?
A: you know what it means. Your knob was tickling her frontal lobes if you catch my drift.

20: What's up guys?
A: Nothin' much.

21: Why was Jon's face all brown in that one picture from the Warped Tour?
A: I'm trying to resist the usge to make poo jokes and these questions just aren't helping!