I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important and I need to hear his/her name.  I wish you would not feel awkward if I mention his/her name. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it is not because you hurt me: The fact that my child died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing. I wish you would not kill my child again by removing from your home his/her picture,artwork, or other remembrances. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you would not think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or if I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately.  It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you would not compare it to the loss of a parent, spouse or pet. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you would not shy away from me. I wish you knew that all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal.  Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child. I wish you would not expect my grief to be over in six months.  The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be cured or a former bereaved parent, but will forever be a recovering bereaved parent. I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief.  I may gain or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illness and be accident-prone; all of which may be related to my grief. Our child's birthday, the anniversary of his/her death, and the holidays are terrible times for us.  I wish you could tell us that you are thinking about our children these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about our child and don't try to coerce us into being cheerful. It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith, values and beliefs after losing a child. We will question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to some new understanding with God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty. I wish you would not offer me drinks or drugs.  These are temporary crutches and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it.  I have to hurt before I can heal. I wish you understood that grief changes people.  I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get backto my old self, you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature, with new thought, dreams,aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me --- Maybe you will like me still.

TO MY HUSBAND Your tears flow within your heart, Mine flow down my cheeks. Your anger lies with thought and movements, Mine gallops forward for all to see. Your despair shows in your now dull eyes, Mine shows in line after written line. You grieve over the death of your son, I grieve over the death of my baby. But we're still the same, still one, Only we grieve at different times, Over different memories and at different lengths. Yet we both realize The death of our child. ~~~~ Pam Burden~~~~

MY PRECIOUS ANGEL God sent me an angel for a short time I knew he was inside of me He left too soon without reason or rhythm He wouldn't stay for the world to see I never held him in my arms In Heaven my child abides But I know he's safe from all harm Yet there is still pain deep inside I love my baby more than words can say Nothing could change the way I feel But God knew he couldn't stay But he promised to provide me with the strength to heal Sometimes I feel so alone I feel no one understands Then I realize my child is home In our Heavenly Father's hands As I pray for the strength I need The strength to go on I will follow God where he may lead And one day he'll lead me home. ~~~~Erin Crawford~~~~

IN MEMORY OF You never said I'm leaving You never said good-bye You were gone before I knew it, And only God knew why A million times I needed you, A million times I cried If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died In life I loved you dearly In death I love you still In my heart you hold a place, That no one could ever fill It broke my heart to loose you, But you didn't go alone For part of me went with you, The day God took you home ~~~~Author Unknown~~~~

FRAGILE LULLABY How can I say good-bye to one I've never met? What if I'm not ready yet? Who says all you dreams will come true? I used to dream...maybe I still do Why are we so fragile and life so delicate? It's so easily broken in two. Words cannot say how much I will miss you never being able to watch you grow, Watch you grow and see who you would turn out to be... I was looking forward to meeting you, to seeing you for the first time. You have no idea... But if you are watching over from the arms of your merciful Creator, Just hear the song in my heart today, A song of hope, a song of pain, Bittersweet. Someday we will meet- until that day- Just hear the song in my heart It's a lullaby, a lullaby for you. So you can sleep. ~~~~Owen Goward~~~~