The Pumpkinhead and the Scarecrow

Had a game of chess,

The strangest game that was ever played—

And the funniest, I guess.

The farm folks all turned out

To see the royal battle

And of course the jackass kibitzer,

With the horses, pigs, and cattle.

The fodder were shocked at such a scene

Amid their peaceful field,

And the harvest moon looked down to see

Whose doom was being sealed.

The Pumpkinhead was playing White,

The Scarecrow played the Black,

When suddenly the Scarecrow cried,

"I have you in the sack!"

"Oh yeah," replied the Pumpkinhead,

"That's just another scare,

All you do is flap and crow—

You have no checkmate there!"

"Well, look it over, Pumpkinhead,

You've lost all pawns but two,

Your Queen's 'in·take’ your Rook’s ‘in take’

You know you’ll soon be through!"

"If you.see no win there for Black,

You have no chessic eye

Why, Pumpkinhead, to me, old squash,

You're just a pumpkin-pie!"

"Well, I'm not pumpkin-pie just yet,

(Although I soon may be!)

But first I’ll check you with the Knight

On my beautiful King's Knight three."

(White plays N-N3 ch)

"Bishop takes Knight!" cried the jackass,

"And stop his checking scheme!"

"You're full of straw," said the scarecrow,

"He'd mate me with his Queen!"

(If ...BxN1 QxNP Mate)

"But that's all right, friend pumpkinhead,

My King to Bishop's three I'll play."

"Then Knight checks on King's Knight four,

I don't think you'll get away."

(…K-B3; N-N4 ch)

"Oh yes, the King just moves on

To his majesty's King two,

And with this little checking spree

You will soon be through."

(…K-K2)

"Then I'll give another check

On King's Bishop five,

I'll get you yet, friend scarecrow,

As sure as you're alive."

(N-B5 ch)

"Well then you'll never get me,

For you know I have no life:

But I'll move the King to the second square

Of his majesty's fair wife."

(…K-Q2)

"Okay, Knight checks on Bishop’ six:

King's forced to Bishop's square.

The other Knight checks on King seven

And chases you out of there."

(K-B6 ch, K-B1; N-K7 ch, K-N1)

"Now one Knight checks on Queen seven:

And King goes to Rook two.

And another check on Bishop eight

Drives the King on through."

(N-Q7ch, K-R2; N-B8 ch, K-R3)

"Then Knight checks on Knight eight,

King goes to his Knight four,

Another check on Queen's·Rook seven

Leaves just one open door."

(N-N8 ch, K-N4; N-R7 ch, K-B4)

"Check with the Rook!" cried the kibitzer,

"’Twill be an awful smack!"

"You're a jackass," said the pumpkinhead,

"I'd lose my whole attack."

"Now Knight on Rook six, check,

And the other on Knight five

Puts your King on his Queen six—

My nags know how to drive!"

(N-R6 ch, K-Q5; N-N5 ch, K-Q6)

"The next two checks forces you

On to your Bishop seven."

"Pumpkinhead, you're as far from mate

As you are far from Heaven!"

(N-N4 ch, K-K7; N-B3 ch, K-B7)

"Perhaps you're right--but again I'll check

With Knight on the Queen's three,

Your King is forced to his Knight six:

I'll get you yet—maybe!"

(N-Q3 ch, K-N6)

"Now checks on King's and Bishop's two

Drives King to Bishop four---"

"And there we are, friend pumpkinhead,

Back where we were before!"

(N-K2 ch, K-N5; N-B2 ch, K-B4)

"Play the King to King's Rook four,"

Cried the jackass with loud brays.

"If I did, he then could mate me

In a dozen different ways!"

(If …K-R4; N-N3 ch, K-R3 or K-R5; N-B5 ch, K-R4; B-B3 ch, P-N5; Q or B mates)

"Scarecrow, I will check you

‘Till the January thaw!"

"Gentlemen," cried the jackass,

"It's nothing but a draw!"

"Well, pumpkinhead, here's to you:

You're certainly pretty hot!"

"No—there’s frost on this old pumpkinhead

And the fodder has been shocked."

"But I'll confess, friend scarecrow,

And admit it anywhere,

You lived up to your reputation

For you sure gave me a scare!"

"Yes the frost is on the pumpkin

And the fodder's in the shock:

So we'll all go home and get some sleep

'Fore the crowing of the cock."

 Epilogue: Stop the Merry-Go-Round
by Duane Hart

"But hold, my dear friend scarecrow,

the draw has not been won.

A position seen three times

is the criterion!"

"Chasing as we did before,

each move the same, of course.

My Knights will drive your monarch

for fourteen moves, by force!"

"Now I have you, scarecrow, for

your King is at Knight's six.

This time you won't survive it:

you’re in a mating fix!"

"As I make this potent move,

you might think I'm a crook.

For Bishop to his own square

checks safely with the Rook!"

(White plays B-KB1 ch)

"I must stay off the Rook's file

as Queen takes Rook with mate.

King instead to Bishop's six

should seal yon pumpkin's fate!"

(If …K-R5; QxR Mate, so Black plays …K-B6)

"Now I give the final check:

it's Bishop to King two.

Scarecrow, you can plainly see

there's nothing you can do."

(B-K2 Mate)

"First time ‘round I missed it, but

the win was always there,

That jackass claimed it was a draw:

such braying I can't bear!"

"No doubt about it, pumpkinhead,

it's a unique design.

I'll have to hand it to you,

there's not time to resign!"

"Yes, frost is on the pumpkin,

the fodder's in the shock.

Now's the time to get some sleep,

'fore crowing of the cock."