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Step Two: Rediscovering Your Sexual Identity Draco yawned widely as the morning sun shone warmly on his face. For a moment he considered calling Binky and having him bring him breakfast. He had a headache and felt so wrung out for some reason. He swung his legs over the side of his bed and began padding over to the loo. He could get a glass of water. That might help. The door was closed, but he managed to find the knob through pinched shut eyes and opened it. The lights were on already, and he stumbled over to the sink and turned on the water. Fumbling around for his glass it occurred to him that it wasn't there, and he wondered why as he simply splashed his face with water and blinked his eyes a few times. He looked around the room. Draco froze as he saw Ron standing silently behind him, slowly reaching for a towel, completely naked. His face was clenched in apprehension. His adolescent body was long of limb with sinewy muscles, stretching, straining to reach that towel before he'd been noticed. All of his lovely and surprisingly firm muscles tensed. A sympathetically long member dangling, wet and cold as the rest of him. "Oh, fuck." Draco managed as he darted out of the loo, slamming the door. Steven jolted upright in his bed while Draco heard the clicking sound of the door locking behind him. "Bloody should have thought of that before." "What's going on? Are we up?" Steven stretched largely and ruffled his hair. Andreas took his pillow, and not opening his eyes, clutched it tightly over his head to block out the sound. "No, we're not up." Draco told him, walking stiffly back to his bed. "I just happen to be." He was beginning to wonder if that pale tinge of pink would become a permanent part of his facial hues, he seemed to be blushing so often in this place. Though he was rather glad that Andreas hadn't been looking before he'd managed to pull the covers over his legs because he had quite the horn from seeing Ron in the altogether and it was no morning glory! Draco lay in uncomfortable silence in his bed, waiting the moments out for when Ron would finally come out of the lavatory. He sincerely hoped he hadn't seen him pitching a tent at his naked arse so he could keep the slightest shred of dignity around this place. It wasn't enough that he was subconsciously after the boys, he had to get turned on by a bloody poor one at that. Ron came out of the lavatory quietly, already in his blues with hair still damp, but ruffled from being dried with a towel. Draco wondered if the girls got hairdryers. Normally he would use his wand, but that was another thing that made him irritated with the law about him using his magic away from school. Ron pointedly avoided his gaze and silently picked out his socks, unrolling them slowly and putting them on one by one, sitting on his bed faced away from Draco. Then he slowly began to put on his shoes, and Draco realized that he was not in fact going to be humiliated. After that, Ron said on his bed, perfectly still, with his hands pressing against the heavy fabric of the bedspread. Draco couldn't see what he was doing, other than just… sitting there. Listening to his own heartbeat. I am I am I am. "Rise and Shine, boys! You've got a big day ahead of you!" Paul cried in a chipper voice as he opened their door. Steven sat up in his bed again and looked around groggily. Draco looked over at him and thought briefly that Steven reminded him of Harry Potter somehow, without the glasses, taller, and more amiable. Whatever it was, he couldn't quite put his finger on it. But Ron seemed to understand it, because he and Steven spent an awful lot of time together. Andreas whined loudly as he vaulted himself out of bed. Eli yawned a little but stood up almost right away and headed with certain feet to the lavatory to brush his teeth. Draco got up slowly, hoping that this morning wasn't a foreboding on what was next to come. He was also fervently hoping Ron wouldn't decide to change his mind and share this morning with everyone. *** They were seated in a semicircle in the group therapy building, waiting for Mary to finish her pacing and begin speaking. She had been watching them while walking back and forth in front of her tripod for some time. Cho was still rubbing her eyes and sighed softly, looking over at Michelle who was grinning for some reason. Rob was kicking her chair restlessly. The other girls were squirming around uncomfortably. "Before I go onto the next step, I want to talk to each of you about beginning to find your root." She stopped abruptly in her pacing, and then turned to pace in the other direction. "I mentioned this to some of you before during your first interview. Every one of you has a single event in your past to which your beginnings in homosexuality can be traced. By finding this root, you will be able to find the real causes of your homosexuality and reverse the ill effects." "What, so like, each of us had some traumatic experience that made us queers?" Anna asked sarcastically. Mary raised a brow. "Perhaps not traumatic in particular, but there is a cause to your homosexuality, yes." Mary scanned her eyes over the group. "Does anyone here think they know what their root might be?" They all began avoiding her eyes. "Sylvia?" She said pointedly. Her eyes keenly bore into the girl who glared at her as though she had just been betrayed. "I was raped by my father when I was a little girl." She said as flatly and with such detachment she could be giving someone the time or reciting a historical date. "This is an excellent example of a root. Due to the actions of the man who was supposed to be her role model for the mate that she needs to pick out, Sylvia avoids picking a man at all." "That's bunk!" Anna said angrily. Mary narrowed her eyes at Anna's defiance. "When a boy gets fucked up by his father and turns out to be a queer, people say he's looking for a father figure. Why isn't she looking for a father figure then?" "Because I don't want to find him." Sylvia said with just as little emotion. "He can stay lost for all I care." "This is ridiculous." Anna grumbled. Cho laid a gentle hand on her arm, and Anna looked away angrily. "What about you, Anna? Can you think of anything in your past that caused you to become a homosexual?" "Maybe because I always wanted to fuck girls." "Or because your own father was never at the house?" "My father wasn't at the house because I told him I'd kill him if he laid another hand on my mum." "Ah. I see. So you take the role of the man because you see other women in need of protection." "Sure. Whatever. That sounds good." Anna rolled her eyes and yawned. Mary looked over to Steven. "Can you think of anything, Steven?" "I dunno. I don't think I could remember back that far. I remember the time I realized I was a homosexual though." Mary clasped her hands together. "Tell us about that." "I was hanging around with my little soccer team. I was only about, I dunno. Eight or ten or so, and they were passing around one of those girlie mags or something. And it was this picture of a woman. You could see everything really. I was looking at it, and this bloke beside me said: Is that what all the fuss is about? I'd rather see another boy's willie any day! And I said, yeah, me too!" Ron chuckled. Mary did not look amused, but Steven couldn't keep the grin off his face. "So I guess it was sometime before that. I'll try to think of it. I have a devil of a time remembering things before eleven though. That one just sort of stuck in my mind, you know? It isn't everyday you find yourself staring at a tart spread like that." "I see." Ron continued to chuckle. Draco began grinning at the two unconsciously. "Can you think of what your root might be, Draco?" His eyes widened in surprise, and he jerked his head to the front. "Me?" "Yes, you. You all have one." "I… er." He frowned a bit. "I have no idea." "Well, I want all of you to think about this. Think about it hard and at length." Andreas snorted. Anna cackled in agreement. "Ahem! I want you to think about this, because you will all be presenting your roots to the group later on. Now. To our task at hand." She turned to remove the sheet draped over her tripod. There was a large white board sitting on it, which she tapped with her wand. A man and woman appeared on the board. They smiled thinly at the group. "Rediscovering your sexual identity." She tapped the board again, and the woman started to run her fingers through her hair. She took out a compact and checked her makeup. The man started flexing his muscles. "There are things that men should do, and there are things that women should do. During this part of the therapy, we are going to reinforce the things that you should each be doing as a man or a woman." She tapped it yet again, and the woman and the man appeared in a house. He was sitting on the couch, reading the Daily Prophet, while she worked busily in the kitchen. The scene changed and the man was wrestling around on the ground with friends, then getting up and laughing. They went for a beer. The scene changed yet again and the woman was sitting around with five children of various ages helping them with their homework, while feeding one, and somehow managing to chastise another without even looking at him for pulling his sister's hair. "That looks like my mum." Ron muttered. Mary cast him a sharp look. "You should all recognize these roles. And if you don't, by the end of the next few weeks, you certainly will." She clapped her hands together again. "Boys, if you'll go outside, Paul is waiting to help you with your first tasks! Girls, follow me into the next house over. We have a lot of work to do." Steven glanced over at Ron as they lined up to walk outside. "Fun fun." "Sounds bloody bonzar, that. This bloody day keeps getting better and better." Ron muttered. He walked out of the room with a dark look on his face. The boys saw Paul, looking as energetic as ever waiting for them over by the field. "Mary's given me some leeway with the activities here, so I thought I'd start out with something rather fun!" He was holding an oddly shaped ball under his right arm. "Ooooh, balls. Fun." Andreas said, half giggling. "Didn't you stick Draco and Ron in here for liking balls a little to much?" "That has nothing to do with this. We are going to be playing the American game of football, which is a great means of building up your male gender identity." "My boyfriend played football." Steven sighed softly. Ron smacked him on the arm. "I dunno how this is supposed to make me more manly." Ron said skeptically, taking the ball from Paul and spinning it on one finger. "Is it that much different from Quidditch?" "Much different. You'll see. Let's start off with a few passes!" Paul paired each of them off, standing with Eli himself. He walked a dozen feet or so away from Eli and called: "Like this!!" With that he chucked the ball at Eli. Eli darted in the other direction. "You're supposed to catch it, Eli!" Paul yelled in frustration. "You threw the ball at my fucking head! How's that supposed to make me want that less in the bedroom!" "Boys, just line up, and pass the balls back and forth. You can do this." Draco pursed his lips at Ron, who was standing away from him, his arms stretched out and waiting. "Are you waiting for me to strip or something? Get a move on!" Draco sneered at him. He pulled his arm back and released the football as hard as he could in Ron's direction. It only made halfway. Andreas burst out into laughter, but stopped abruptly when Steven's football nearly made the stretch. He shrieked and put his hands up to fend off the attacking missile. Eli started to chuckle. "This is going swimmingly." He informed Paul, launching the ball at his chest. Paul sighed heavily. "Keep trying. We'll move onto the rules tomorrow, I guess." *** Before lunch, Paul decided to give them a break before putting them to heavy labors which sounded upon description rather pointless to Draco. His arms and back were already hurting from throwing that funny ball around. It was such a weird game. He had finally managed to get the ball all the way over to Ron, who made a whooting sound and threw it back so hard it bruised Draco's hands. During the break, Draco was subjected to the horrors that the girls were being put through, and much giggling from Michelle and Rita. Apparently they were being trained to be house elves, having to clean carpets, cook food from scratch and other such wastes of time. Though to Draco, it sounded much preferable than spending the morning learning how to let people land on him and getting things thrown at him. He was told that the next day they were going to be working on a Muggle vehicle of some sort. "What are you reading?" Draco asked, looking over at Ron, who was pacing around by the windows of their house with a scroll in hand. "I've a letter." "From who?" "Why do you care?" Ron snapped. Fairly enough, Draco supposed it really was none of his business, still… "I don't. I'm just bored. It can't be a boyfriend because they wouldn't let you have it." Draco concluded. "Oh, I don't know about thaaat." Andreas said, in his way of making things seem duplicitous. Draco would have snapped at him in return, but his upbeat attitude was making this whole ordeal a little more bearable. And at least Draco could say that he hadn't run squealing when the ball was thrown to him. "I never had a crush on Harry. And yeah, that's who it's from." Ron admitted. "Not even a little one?" Andreas teased. Eli looked over at the conversation with interest. "Nope. He's really… and I mean really not my type. Not that he's not attractive and all that…" Ron faltered. "It's more… lovers are lovers, and friends are friends, and never the two shall meet." "We've a poet in our midst!" Steven cried. "Besides if I'd ever started getting the horn for him, I'd've felt obligated to inform him I was a queer. Cause I know he was so damned clueless." "I don't know how anyone can be your best friend and not know something like that." Andreas said, hotly. There was a bit of venom behind this comment, so Draco assumed he was serious this time. "I dunno. I don't really fit the stereotypes really well. And Harry's got other stuff on his mind. It's… one of his faults is that he gets so wrapped up in his personal stuff sometimes he can't see what's going on around him." Ron shrugged. "I can't blame him really. If I had half the Wizarding World trying to kill me and the other half trying to worship me, I probably wouldn't notice much else either." "I never thought of it like that." Draco said without thinking. "Like you even care." "I don't." Draco repeated. "But he never really pays much attention to me unless I'm gunning for you or that Mudblood friend of yours-" "Oh, that's a rotten thing to say about somebody!" Steven protested. "You don't even know her." Draco spat. "She's the worst sort of Mudblood, always trying to outdo everyone with how bloody clever she is." "Come on, think about it. It like hating a Vampyr and just telling them they can't exist anymore." "What are you on about?" "I'm on about the fact that a Vampyr is the cross between a normal human and a Vampire. They don't have any choice in the matter. They didn't ask to be born. You can't even choose your parents really, so how can you hold it against someone that they had Muggle parents? It should be good enough they had the gift." Steven said. He grinned then, unexpectedly. "Besides, if you keep marrying and having children with pure Wizarding families you're going to end up with a right bunch of inbred idiots." "Oh seriously." Draco scoffed. Ron rolled his eyes at him and was back to reading his letter. "I swear, Malfoy, do you have any opinions of your own, or do did you just inherit them from your father like all that fucking money?" "You shut up about my Father." Draco ordered, pointing at him indignantly. "Why should I? He's your reason for bloody everything, idn't he? Do you even believe that you need to be cured of being gay, or did you just do it for your father too? Follow his footsteps like a good little heir to the throne. He's a narrow-minded troll with a skull and a snake on his arm, and I bet you can't fucking wait until they give you your Mark, too." Draco leaped at him, ripping his letter in half in a fit of anger. "How dare you talk about Father like that! You're nothing! Do you hear me, Weasley? Nothing!" "Give that back you slimy bastard!" Ron growled, reaching for the torn half of his letter. Draco reeled back, holding it away from him. "Can't admit it? You're the last son in a line that should have been snuffed out a long time ago. Nobody wants or needs you, and the only thing that you could have ever done to make your mark on the Weasley name was to be a sinful remorseless puffer lusting after Potter like a bitch in heat. And that's what it is, isn't it? That's the only reason you spend so much time with the sod! You don't like him, you don't hate him or worship him like everyone else! You love that four-eyed freak!" "You shut up!" Ron screamed. His palms knocked into Draco hard, sending his lean frame crashing to the floor. In his excitement, he found himself right on top of him, suddenly grinding Draco's face into the wooden floor. "Knock it off, you guys!" Steven yelled. Andreas jumped on his bed, all the mirth gone from his face as his eyes bugged out over the brawl on the floor. Eli jumped up and ran out of the room. "Take it back, you stupid fuck!" Ron slapped Draco's face hard and smacked against his chest again. "Take it back!" "Whut-" Draco choked. His nose was bleeding, and he could taste the almost metallic liquid running down the back of his throat as he was pummeled into the floor blow by blow, unable to get up. If only he could right himself for a moment, but he could barely move at all. Ron felt himself being picked up by his clothes and dragged to the other side of the room. It took him a moment to realize that Paul was bodily holding him away from Draco. "Calm down!" "Let me go!" He raged, still struggling futilely against Paul's trunk like arms. "Nothing doing, Ron. Calm down and I'll let you go." "My my my…" Mary said as she walked into the room. A house elf was following her with a small pile of first aid supplies. "I never thought we'd have such a breakthrough to soon." "I bet I did break something." Ron spat. He was finding it harder to keep his edge now that the house elf had sat Draco up and he could see how badly he'd managed to hurt him in that small amount of time. He hadn't really even fought back. Not even thrown a punch. And now his pale face was swollen and red on one side, with his eye half closed. He head was lolling weakly, but the house elf gave him a piece of gauze and guided him into putting his head down. Deep red seeped through the bandage. "Is it broken?" Mary asked. The house elf shook its head. "No. I think he be a bleeder, he be." "Paul, help him to the infirmary. I'll talk with him later." She instructed. Paul went to Draco's side, leaving Ron standing limply on his own with a strange feeling in his head. The large man slid his arm underneath Draco's right arm and hoisted him to his feet. Draco could barely stand and leaned against him heavily as the older man guided him out of the room. Ron felt his own face blanch to near Draco's usual shade when he realized that he was feeling guilty for having attacked him like that. Draco rarely ever used physical means to back up his threats and probably had Crabbe and Goyle following him around everywhere on campus for a reason. He didn't have the physical body type to handle an unexpected fight any more than Harry did. Ron sort of felt like he'd taken a swing at Harry and broken his glasses. Like he'd kicked Neville Longbottom in the ribs after someone had given him a full body freeze. Just because Draco had managed to say something that got to him didn't give him the right to pan his head like that. "That was an interesting development boys. Might I ask what started it?" Mary asked speaking slowly and deliberately. Andreas and Steven looked at each other questioningly. Eli had come back into the room and was leaning again the wall. "Draco ripped Ron's letter in half and said that he only liked the boy who'd written him the letter because he loved him." Eli informed her softly. "That isn't true… Malfoy just makes me mad sometimes!" Ron cried out. He felt something else rising inside him, and he couldn't figure out what this emotion was. "I… I'm sorry, Miss Cummings. I shouldn't have-" "Actually, boys I'm proud of young Weasley here. He seems to have grasped his gender identity rather well, even though I can't say that I'm pleased with the results. The fact that Draco still cannot hold his own in a fight doesn't speak well to his ability to reclaim his own identity, however." Mary informed them, beginning a walk across the room. "Anger. Uncontrolled testosterone. Indignant rage on the behalf of your friend's perceived manhood. All of these things exemplify the beauty of what it is to be a man. I, by no means, want you boys to continue to beat one another up, but keep in mind this incident. Nothing I could have told you would really have given you a good example of the excitement and energy that a man-to-man fight can bring. And the understanding that real men have with one another that says, if you cannot physically best me, I am right." She turned and headed towards the door. "It's lunchtime boys. Don't be late." She left their house and the boys were silent for a moment before Ron said rather vividly, "I'm going to puke." *** "Two four six eight! God is good, God is great!" Michelle cried out happily. She bent her head over her notepad and scribbled down her brilliant lyrics. Rita sat beside her silently on the grassy hill, starring up at the sky. "What are you doing?" Draco asked. He'd been walking by on his way to the dorm hoping to be the first one in the door after a long day of chopping wood. He could grab the first shower and get hot water for once. If he'd been upset by doing servant's work at Hogwarts, this drove him completely crazy. Very few wizards at all chopped wood like that. It was one of the most inane activities he'd ever participated in. And he could barely lift the axe to boot. Draco had to admit he wasn't really strong enough for it to begin with, but a set of cracked ribs didn't make things any easier. "Mary said I should try to focus on how I feel through writing a cheer!" Michelle said, smiling brightly. Rita brushed her hand over her hair. "She's a cheerleader back at her school." Rita explained with a conspiring look in her eyes that she shot at Draco. Draco tried to imagine cheerleaders on the side of the Quidditch field hopping up and down. Avoiding Bludgers. Just then an image of Potter dancing around in a cheerleading skirt of classic Gryffindor maroon and gold popped into his mind. He shook his head hard. "Two four six eight!" Michelle said again, crinkling her eyes happily. "God is strong! God is-" "Straight." Draco finished dryly. Rita chuckled as Michelle pouted. "Seems sort of pointless, doesn't it? Cheers don't have the most thought provoking lyrics." Draco said, sitting by the girls. His head was aching anyway. It hadn't really stopped much since Ron had pounded him into the floor. Plus all the things that Paul was making them do to "make men out of them" just made it hurt worse. "It isn't about the words! It's about the energy. Cheers are supposed to be simple and make people feel good!" Michelle's eyes brightened behind her thin glasses. "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels." Anna informed them, walking up behind the girls. "Orgasms make people feel good!" "I can't deny that." Michelle giggled. Anna raised a brow. "Shouldn't you be out proving your manhood with the other boys?" "Getting my arse kicked again isn't going to prove my manhood to anyone." Draco said to her. He stood up shakily, gritting his teeth against the pain in his side. "Ron really feels sorry about that, Draco. You should give him a chance to apologize." Michelle said, nodding slightly as she spoke. "I doubt that wholeheartedly." He said tersely, walking away from the girls. He heard one of them following him. "You should give him back the piece of his letter." Anna told him, catching up to his stride easily. She was about three inches taller anyway. "Or what? You going to beat me up too?" "I might, you little prick. It isn't like Ron doesn't have enough self-image problems without you screaming at him like that." Draco stopped and glared at her. "Hello! I'm the one who got beat up here. It's not like anything I did ever had an affect on him before!" "Well it does now!" Anna shouted back, pushing his shoulder harshly enough to send him reeling back. She looked at him as though she'd just scraped him off of her shoe and stalked away. Draco's heart was pounding rapidly. He had really thought for a moment that he was going to get another beating. He reached into the pocket of his blues and fingered the edges of the scroll he'd torn. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to keep his hands on it during the fight. Or why, for that matter. But he'd had it in the infirmary when he got his wits back together and had been avoiding Ron ever since. Draco hadn't really planned to keep it from him. He just didn't want to talk to him about it. The thought that Ron had attacked him because what he was saying about him and Harry might be true really bothered Draco. He brushed his shirt off and headed for the dorm, his heart still beating heavily inside him. To his surprise, the room was actually empty for a change. Nobody was back yet. He considered taking that shower. It felt so good to have warm water against his bruises. Then he noticed a bit of scroll sticking out of Ron's books. Leaning over curiously, he recognized the half-legible scrawl on the torn piece of parchment. It was the other half of Harry's letter. Draco peered as well as he could out the window. He couldn't see anyone. Gently, he slid the parchment out from the books, taking care not to disturb them much. Then he went to his own things, setting out his pajamas and the blue boxers they'd given them and hurried into the lavatory, locking the door. He started to strip off his clothes, then abruptly sat on the cold floor. He couldn't hold back his curiosity. Holding the two pieces of letter together, Draco began to read. Dear Ron, There was a large ink blot there, as though he'd stopped the moment he started, trying to think of something to say. How are things going? Back here things are fine. Dudley's on a new diet that means he can't eat potatoes or any bread or sugar. It's strange, but we all get to be on it too, and I've lost like ten pounds. I don't think he's lost a one, but I catch him sneaking snacks all the time, so I dunno how it's ever going to work. Draco tried to imagine the already skinny Harry Potter any thinner than he was. It didn't sound healthy. He continued to read, as Harry waxed on about things that didn't seem to matter much. Telling about getting himself locked in his room for a week with bread and water for saying nonsense words to Dudley and wiggling his fingers. He told about a neighbor and her tons of cats that he was certain would eat her someday when she ran out of food to feed them with. He noted that he'd thought that woman was a witch before he'd even heard of Hogwarts because she kept so many cats and they actually listened to her. "This is drivel. Why's he writing about this nonsense?" The letter had been ripped sideways, so most of the letter couldn't be read without the other half, save for the very bottom lines. And that half was on the piece Draco had been keeping. Not like any of this stuff is important. Ron, I think this is too big for me to talk about in a letter. I'm not really good about talking about these things anyway. That's why I just let it go after the First Task, remember? We knew what happened between us and anything we said didn't matter, so long as we knew, you know? But I dunno what's going on now. I know that I don't care if you want to change your life or not. It's not up to me. But I do know that I care about you an awful lot. I've never had any one who was as good a friend to me as you, and I don't want to lose that, no matter what happens. It means more than anything else to me. Write me back? I think the Headmistress of this True Directions place is gonna let me come visit so I want to meet with you and talk. I'm sorry I wasn't much help at your house. Family situations confuse me. I didn't know if I should say something or butt out. Anyway, I guess we'll talk about it then? Sincerely, Harry. "What happened between us?" Draco whispered to himself. He heard the click of the door outside and jumped up. He shoved the letter into the pockets of his blues and turned on the water, so whoever was out there would think he'd just jumped in. He shivered and finished undressing. He caught sight of himself in the mirror again, and this time the fog hadn't obscured his view yet. He curled his lip in disgust at the purple running along the side of his thin body, at the angles of his hips, sticking out. How his muscles clung so small to his arms. His heart shaped face starred at him from the other side of the mirror, the pale but tender lips agape taking in the mist from the shower, breathing in slightly. His crystal blue eyes looked so pale and fragile with beads of water gathering and spilling down his face, leaving small droplets of shame on his lashes. "Of course he loves Potter." Draco said to himself, turning from the mirror angrily. He stepped into the shower, turning up the water as hot as he could stand, feeling the rush of blood in his veins as he washed quickly. Trying to drown out his thoughts. His heart thumped heavily. I am I am I am. He ran the washcloth over his bruised body. "Potter lived. Potter is strong. Potter thinks for himself." He muttered to himself, the flow of tears never stopping as he routinely scrubbed his hair. "I'm weak. I do what Father says… I would die if Voldemort came for me." He hit the faucet, turning off the shower. Draco took the towel and dried himself quickly, ignoring the protests of his body. "I hate him." Draco stalked out of the lavatory in his pajamas, carrying his blues protectively. They held the letter that would tell Ron how Harry really felt about him. It was true, what he had said before, and for some reason, Draco couldn't stand it. Steven looked up in surprise. "That was fast. Usually you take longer." "I'm getting the swing of things." "That's good. I was getting a little worried about you." Steven smiled. Draco eyed him darkly as he crouched by his own bed. He took the letter out and slid them into the pocket of a fresh set of blues. He couldn't let Ron know he'd taken the other half of the letter. Ron could have looked at it, but it wouldn't have made any difference. Without the other half, it made no sense, or not the right sense anyway. He set his other blues in the hamper where the house elves would get them. "I was." Steven insisted. He was reading another one of his textbooks and scribbling away on a piece of parchment. "You haven't really talked to any of us in days. I'm really sorry about what happened. We should have stepped in or something." "Oh, like you could have gotten Weasley to lay off." Draco sat on his bed, feeling weak and useless. Like he didn't matter to the world one way or another. He could become a Death Eater and follow Voldemort into greatness, or he could drop dead. Neither way would make the slightest difference on anyone in the world. Then it occurred to him that it never had. His Father only wanted him to be a good heir. If he failed at this, he probably wouldn't be welcome at home. His mother only wanted him to go to Durmstrang because then she wouldn't have to bother with him during holiday. He'd be staying with people in the town nearby the school instead. He wasn't getting letters from any of his friends, rambling ridiculously about how things were on their side. Telling him that they missed him or that they wanted to stay friends even if he failed. Nobody cared. Nothing mattered. If he wasn't what people wanted him to be, he was nothing at all. "Hey, I said, are you feeling any better?" Steven had gotten up off his bed and sat next to him on his own bed. His eyebrows were creased heavily in concern. "I'm fine. Head's ringing from the shower." He said shortly. Steven looked relieved. "Good. Getting your head beat in can really leave you feeling upside down for days." "You would know?" Draco shot back sarcastically. "I would know." Steven confirmed. He looked up at the door. By the time Draco's eyes had followed, Eli was walking into the room, shadowed closely after by Ron and Andreas. Draco quickly turned his head and pretended to be very interested in the bit of parchment from Steven's homework that had fallen on the floor. "Silly me. I'm always getting marks off for not being careful with the paper." He got up and returned to his studies. Draco really wished he had a book to shove his nose in. "Eh, Steven? How do I ring one of the house elves to get me my books? Snape's going to kill me if I don't have my stuff memorized by the time I get back to school." Steven smiled at him gently. He walked over to the far wall across from their beds and knocked on one of the panels three times. Out poked the head of the house elf that had been with him in the infirmary. "Could you get Draco's things?" "Certainly, Master Steven!" The creature disappeared into the wall again. "I'll never get used to someone calling me "master"." He said jovially. Draco shook his head. "That's nothing. Try getting them to just call you by your bloody name. It's damn impossible." Draco informed him. "You don't like to be called "master"? How bout, "Your Highness"? Andreas scoffed. Draco shrugged. "Go ahead. I don't care." "Do they ever try to be friends?" Steven asked curiously. "I dunno. None of the ones I ever knew wanted to. They're mostly afraid Father will sock them to do anything normal. The worst ones just beat themselves whenever they do something wrong. Try getting them to stop doing that." "Dobby used to do that. What the hell is up with that?" Ron asked. Draco kept his eyes pointedly off of Ron's form. He was afraid he'd betray himself. "I haven't the faintest. That one needed to be set up with some therapy. Nothing I ever did had an affect." "You could have let him go." Ron challenged. Draco focused on peeling the awful blue paint off the walls with his eyes. "Yeah, and I could have gone to Father and said: Please. Cruciatus me." His flat, nonchalant voice hit the air coldly and there was silence in the room. He could see Steven's eyes crinkling in concern again. Draco just shut his own eyes, blocking them out until they could find some other subject to talk about. After a few moments, Eli said something, and the boys were talking around him. It was a vague buzzing, and he merely tuned it out until he felt a little tap on his foot. He opened his eyes to see the house elf at the foot of his bed. "Master Draco, Mistress Mary say no to most of your things. Say, um…" The little creature was sweating profusely and looked nervously around at the boys. "She ban most of Master Draco's things…" "It's not important. She let me have my books, right?" "Yes yes! Master Draco's books are here, and a few other things, not much…" "That's great. You did a good job." Draco leaned over, seeing the small pile of books and some personal things. His mind did a mental inventory of all the naughty items that Mary must have censored. He grabbed a book and gently laid a hand on the house elf's head for a second. Then he leaned back on his bed. The house elf beamed and nodded, scurrying across the room into the opening in the wall. "Have good night boys!" The house elf disappeared. Steven looked up at him, impressed. "I've never seen one react that favorably. I mean, when I thank them, they get all upset." "They don't like to be thanked, really. Not directly. Well, most of them don't. Some do. It's all in how they feel that they've done their work right. And thank-yous are a little dismissive. It makes them feel like they haven't pleased you and should just go away." Draco replied. His eyes skimmed dimly over the words in the book he'd taken. "They just don't think like we do, I guess. Dobby's nuts." Ron said. "He wants to be paid, but not too much. If he's offered too much, he gets insulted." "No, I guess they don't really think like us." Draco pondered. "You have to try and think from their point of view if you want it to really work at all." Ron was looking over at him rather impressed with Draco's capacity for empathy. He never believed he was capable of it before, but here he was, explaining to them matter-of-factly about how they needed to see the world from a different angle to get along. Andreas reached over and wiggled Ron's foot. He didn't speak, but gave Ron a mischievous look worthy of the twins. Ron's cheeks reddened furiously. He had been looking at Draco rather intently. He looked over again at his face. There was something different there. Now that he was looking at Draco clearly, he realized what a pretty boy he was. His lips were well shaped, almost delicate. His fingers long and tapered, gently gripping the book in his hands. At first his pale hue was a little daunting, but when coupled with the general doll-like features that were so beautiful on their own, he was quite the looker. Ron felt himself flush again for thoughts he shouldn't be having. He looked over at Andreas and raised his brows. Andreas nodded approvingly and Ron shook his head hard. He resisted looking back at Draco again. The lure was so strong, just to keep looking and let himself get lost starring at the boy he'd thought he hated. *** He couldn't believe this was happening to him again. Draco considered taking the tazer to his arse, but he didn't know if it would do any good. It didn't seem pleasant, and he'd had enough unpleasantness over the past few weeks to last him a lifetime. Still, he was uncomfortably hard, and he had to admit that it was due to the fact that he couldn't take his eyes off of Ron's sleeping face, silhouetted darkly under the weak light of the moon that managed to find its way into their room. He kept imagining him from that morning in the lavatory, so vulnerable, and so… sexy. Draco couldn't stand it. And he couldn't do it here. He'd get caught. It would get on the sheets, and then he'd have to explain. Draco looked around at the other boys before tossing back his covers. He padded softly, slowly over to the door and touched it with his palm. He was guessing at this, but this was an emergency. Not nearly so weak an excuse as drying his hair. He tried not to look over at Ron's sleeping form as he concentrated. His pale pink lips formed the words, barely breathing out enough for them to be audible. "Alohomora." The door opened, and Draco waited a moment. When nothing happened, he breathed a sigh of relief. He suspected that since they were technically in schooling at the moment, and also on grounds where Muggles wouldn't be able to enter, the Ministry of Magic wasn't able to detect individual spells being performed on these grounds, just like at Hogwarts. He didn't muse on his victory long, however, and quickly headed out of his dorm. The grounds were quite disturbing at night. The unnatural blues and pinks seemed to glow eerily under the moonlight, which undiluted by his window shone strong enough for him to pick his way to the nearest building. Draco supposed that no one in their right mind would be in the group therapy building this late and darted inside before anyone could come prowling around and see him. It was dark inside the room, and he couldn't risk turning on a light. He went a few rooms inside and leaned against the wall for support, as he reached down into his pajamas and slid his fingers down the already throbbing shaft. He bit his lip as he guiltily thought of Ron's muscular body, wet and dripping. He stroked his hand up and down, trying to keep his breathing quiet as he expelled this moment of weakness. "Oh goddess!" Draco arrested his movements at the shrill squeal. He hadn't heard anything before, but now there were panting noises coming from behind a table across the room. He took his hand from his pants and slowly padded over there. His eyes had mostly focused to the darkness, so he found his way quickly, and then brought a small light to his hand. He screamed. Rita and Michelle were behind the table naked, intertwined, and rubbing against each other covered in one another's sweat. They screamed louder. Rita's eyes widened as she caught herself and clamped her hands over Michelle's mouth. The girl's glasses were fogged and tipped askew on her face. She breathed in slowly as she realized who had caught them. The lights came on in full as Mary and Paul stormed in. "What is going on in here?" Mary demanded. She continued into the room until she caught view of the girls, and covered her eyes, aghast. Paul looked expectantly at Draco. "I was… er… they were just… we were…" I sneaked in here to bang one out and caught them fucking like weasels. That works. "I think it's obvious what they were doing, Mr. Malfoy." Rita and Michelle looked at him beggingly, but as his lips fumbled for words, his brain was completely numb. He had no explanation that would have satisfied. Paul threw their clothes at them and once they had a bit of decency he took them both by the arms and roughly escorted them out of the room. "It was me." Rita confessed loudly. Draco ran after them as they went onto the campus. "I started it. I came onto her." "Rita, no!" Michelle protested. "It's true. It was me!" Rita insisted. The others, with the exception of Eli, had come out of their houses. Paul had unlocked all the houses immediately, just in case of an emergency when he'd heard the noise. Cho stood knock-kneed and shaking out in the night air. She was barefoot, but in her soft pink pajamas and had her hair in small pigtails on either side of her head. "Oh, Rita…" She said in dismay. "Alright then. Rita, you can pack your things. You're out." Michelle burst into tears. "Paul, take Michelle to solitary. We'll instruct her individually from now on." "No, please don't! Rita!" Michelle sobbed, reaching out for Rita's fingers. "Now!" Mary yelled. Steven leaned over to the girls. "What happened?" "Rita and Michelle were at it in the group therapy building and Malfoy ratted." Anna said angrily. "You should get back to bed." Mary told Draco. Then louder. "You should all try to get back to sleep. We still have a lot of work to do." Andreas punched Draco's shoulder as he passed. It didn't hurt, but he turned in protest regardless. Of all the people to be angry with him! "Ron should have given you a better leathering!" Andreas shot at him furious. "I didn't tell!" He hissed in a whisper. "They screamed!" "They were caught. That's all. Don't blame him because they couldn't control themselves. We're here to stop doing this, remember?" Steven said softly. He put his arm around Cho and gave her a squeeze. Her eyes were a little misty, but she pressed her lips together and said nothing. Anna and Sylvia stalked back into their house together. "What the hell were you doing out anyway?" Ron asked. Draco opened his mouth to answer, but Ron had already passed and gone back inside. Draco was a bit grateful. He wasn't sure if he had any better explanations for Ron than he had for Mary. He was glad it was dark, though, because even if Cho hand managed to keep her composure, hot tears were streaming down his face, and he didn't want anyone to see. |