Catching Tigers

by bartermn

12/23/98
My neighbor stopped by today and asked if I had any kittens.
His boss wanted a pair of them for Christmas gifts. I said,
"You have come to the right place. There are two in the barn that
 need a good home." We walked down and found the five-week-olds
laying together on a feed sack. One is a white tiger, a very friendly
and beautiful female. The other is a male, a typical gray tiger
who just last week clawed and bit me when I picked him up. Rick
said he would tell his boss about them and let me know later
if he still wanted them.


Two hours later Rick came back with a box. His boss had said
"Yes" and wanted to get them calmed down before Christmas Eve.
We searched the barn but the kittens had caught wind of our plan,
they were nowhere to be found. As we started back to the cabin I
told Rick there was one more spot they might be and peaked into
the woodshop. Spooky was sunning herself at the window and saw
me. She disappeared among the piles of building material.
I called to Rick and told him to stand guard at a small hole
in the siding where I've seen the cats come and go. He put on a
heavy pair of welder's gloves and crouched at the opening
while I went inside. The two kittens were near the window,
behind a box of electrical supplies.  The gray tiger, Tigger
zoomed through the hole, right past Rick. I saw him give chase
but he was back in a minute yelling that he'd missed. I reached
for Spooky but she was now frightened and took off through
the same hole, again Rick missed and ran after the kitten.
I went outside to see him come back around the corner empty-handed.
I said we'd never catch them now and asked if his boss would
settle for a nice, easy to catch, pair of bunny rabbits. He said
he would ask but doubted it. I said I would try to catch the
kittens later, after I filled their dish with milk.
 

12/23/98, after evening chores...

The barn cats all were happily slurping their milk. The box
was ready on a feed drum. I casually reached down and picked
up Spooky, she didn't mind at all and I set her in the box.
The other cats just kept drinking. Tigger wasn't as mellow
when I picked him up with my gloved hand. He squirmed, scratched,
clawed, and bit. I put him into the box with Spook but couldn't
close the tabs in time, he bounced like his namesake in the
Hundred-Acre-Wood. I caught him in midair and returned him to the
box but now Spooky escaped. Locking the tabs on the box, I went
after the white tiger while the gray screamed and howled in the
cardboard prison. Now all the other barn cats left their dish and
began to nervously circle and jump around the feed room like
sharks in a feeding frenzy. I caught Spook again and was about
to put her in with Tigger when the mother of all the barn cats,
Tiger-1 jumped up on the box, collapsing the top and letting
Tigger out. With my free hand I reached to grab him and was
attacked by his mother. I couldn't believe she bit me! OK, I quit!
 

12/24/98

Rick stopped by this morning to tell me he and his boys had
tried to catch the kittens last night. I laughed and said, "Me too"
and told him about my adventure, then listened to his version of a
similar attempt. As we talked, his boss knocked at the barn door.
The three of us made another failed attempt to catch the kittens
before resorting to what we should have done in the first place,
baiting a Hav-A-Heart with a can of cat food. I told the others
to give me an hour to wash up the milking equipment and I'd bring
the kittens to them. I had confidence in the live-bait trap.
 

Spooky was in the trap when I walked back down to the barn but
I hadn't set the can of food back far enough to make her step on
the trip-lever. She was going to eat the whole can if I didn't do
something. The trap was set at the hole in the shop wall so I
went in and reached through the hole to trip the door. Spooky
got spooked and backed out of the trap, right past my outstretched
hand. Not bothering to give chase, I pushed the can past the
metal tripper and came back to the cabin to wait. A half-hour
later the trap held Tigger, happily licking at the canned cat food,
a treat he'd never had before. The door had sprung shut just like
it's supposed to. Four other barn cats were sitting around the
trap, drooling. I could see Spooky at the hole, probably
wishing she'd stayed in the trap. When I walked closer Tigger went
wild, biting and clawing at the wire trap. He kept at it as I
lifted the trap, turning even more vicious, like a true Tiger
would if trapped I suppose. We didn't make it very far when I
noticed he had cut his mouth and nose. I set him down and opened
the door, saying it wasn't worth it if he would rather kill
himself  than go to a nice, warm home. I knew that Spooky would
make a fine house cat though and reset the trap.
 

Minutes later, as I stood watching from the corner of the barn,
she went into the Hav-A Heart to finish off the irresistable
bait. I carried her to the truck with little fuss and brought her
to Rick's boss, wishing him a Merry Christmas and telling him the
gray Tiger wouldn't be tamed for no-one. He thanked me and said
his brother's children would have to share one kitten. I asked
once again if he'd like a bunny to go with the kitten, "They make
excellent house pets," I told him. He laughed and said he'd think
about it but it wasn't on the list he had intercepted on its way
to the north pole.