Title: The more things stay the same (1/1)
Part 5 of 'Dear Diary'
Author: Chrissie
E-mail: Infragrrl@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13 - slight swearing
Summary: Oz's POV. Then Buffy's. Then Willow's.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, but I know I'd treat some of them better. . Other would
suffer.*shrug*
Distribution: WolfSlayer archive - Slayer & her Wolf. All else ask.
Feedback: Please...*pouty lip*
Spoilers: Wild at Heart, - I Will Remember You (from the Angel series): Previous parts
'Unequivocal' & 'Self-Imposed Exile'
& ' To Look or Not' & 'All for me' that can be found here:
http://members.tripod.com/Infragrrl/FicIndex.html
NB: To Sha....see note at the end;-)

~~~~~

Don't ask me how this happened. Actually, the point of writing this
down to think about it so I'll probably have to tell you.
Unfortunately, it kind of sucks. Not bad like Willow walking and
finding me sleeping with Veruca, naked, sucking but so very close.

So the day of the night before the full moon, I tried again to
have Buffy not watch me during my wolf transition. That didn't
work. Did I really expect it to? No, but it never hurts to try,
right? So, Just as the sun was about to set, Buffy showed up in
the my cave like jail cell with her faithful bag full girl stuff,
with a few weapons of good measure inside, and the crossbow. you
know the one I'm talking about.

So she's there and the sun goes down, and I change. End of story
right? I wish.

Remember I said I'd gotten to know the wolf in me? Well the
biggest way that happened was when I roamed free, which was
basically until I came back here. The knowledge came from the
fact that I was alone and in the middle of nowhere therefore
unable to harm anyone. Plus, its not like I have a complete avid
memory of what happened, like it was on video tape and I was
watching, but I know haven't hurt anyone for various reasons. No
one being around, complete research by Cordelia, Doyle, Angel and
myself for the days following the full moons.

WAIT! I did not hurt Buffy.cut me a little slack.

So, yeah, wolfy - I - was all intent on the bars and jumped into
them a few times before seeming to get the picture that they
weren't gonna fall at his request. Then suddenly a melodic
sound permeated the area, and he stopped. It was like the music
managed to jar something in him. It was slow and not at all
happy music but it was nice. Time went so very slowly, as I
could see Buffy moving through the wolf's eyes.
Eventually he managed to lie down near the bars, and I guess we
fell asleep. But waking up, I could feel a hand petting him. It
was unreal. While when I was here before, I know Willow never
would have done that. She would have been way too scared to even
try, and here was this girl that I was totally into and she was
petting me as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be
petting a werewolf. Ok, she has superhuman strength and the tools
to both put me to sleep or kill me but still.

It felt almost the same way as it felt waking up with Veruca. Other
than the huge amount of guilt, self-loathing and dire need to get
out of there, it's what I imagined I would have felt if I had been
as I am now when we copulated in werewolf form.

Being lulled back to sleep by the petting, the wolf looked into her
eyes that were staring softly down at him and she smiled so
sweetly and honestly as her hand made soothing motions along the
fur.

Then, needless to say, disaster struck.

The wolf had gone back to sleep, and the next thing I knew the sun
was rising, and as I slowly became awake, I felt a hand gripping
my hand, fingers intertwined. I turned slowly to find Buffy
sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall, her eyes closed
and lips parted slightly in sleep. She looked so...

Then Willow was there.

How the hell that happened, I have no idea. I didn't even know
anyone had talked to her lately but there she was, her
eyes opened wide in shock as she stared at me, naked, and her best
beside me, gripping my hand, that was attached to
my naked body, in a definite grip.

~

"Oh God"

~~~

Oh Goddess! Oh Goddess! Oh Goddess!

I didn't think I could ever feel so embarrassed as I did when I
broke out of that spell where I was supposed to marry Spike. Then,
I never thought I'd feel quite as bad as when I found about that
one day, in Los Angeles, with Angel. Or even when Riley found out
about me being friendly, sort of with Spike.

Then again, I should have known it would happen. That's the Buffy
kind of thing to happen. Life going fine, Slayer?? Time to fuck it
up somehow. But really, is this original? Not even.Whoever came up
with this idea, assuming that there is a master plan being
dictated by someone, really sucks big time.

So I was doing the wolf sitting as I had practically begged Giles
to make me do and all. Things were ok. After I put some Massive
Attack on, Oz seemed to simmer down some, and eventually went to
sleep. Tentatively, I put my hand through the bar and started to
stroke the fur. I don't think anyone had ever done that, being as
most everyone was cared of getting their hand bitten off. It was
soft fur but coarse at the same time for some unknown reason.

Once I saw him wake up and wondered if I should retract my arm,
but the turn of his head and the look in the animals eyes somehow
told me I was safe. It was almost as if I could actually see Oz
through them. So I smiled and he turned back to go to sleep.
Sometime after that I managed to fall into sleep also. My hand on
him.

The next thing I knew, the daylight could be seen through my
closed eyelids. A warm hand gripped mine, thn squeezed hard at the
same time I heard an uttered oath that surprised me and made me
open my eyes.

~
"Oh Crap"

~~~

Hey, in my defense, I was just looking in on to old friends who
happened to be in the same area at the time. Not like I
was planning on ambushing them or anything.

I called Buffy from the Sunnydale airport very early but a chatty
Spike answered the phone saying she was on wolf duty last night.
Wolf duty? I asked. He said yeah and that Oz had been staying
there for a little while since he came back.

So I thought I'd surprise them.

Last time I ever do that.

~

*gulp*


----- Now *That* is a cliffhanger*G*