Contemplative

AUTHOR: Ragna (Obsessive-Compulsive Spike)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me!
DISCLAIMER: Everything except what comes out of my pretty little head belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, unless I miraculously get hired to write for the show.
FEEDBACK: Wanted. Needed. SEND IT!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is a Willow POV piece.
~*~*~
How in the heck did I get this? All of this?

Spike's with me, and I'm happy. Yeah, he might still be a bloodsucking demon of the night, but he's with me, and I'm happy.

Well, I'd be happier if Xander and Oz would leave me alone.

Yeah, I was devious. I was wrong to keep Oz around when I didn't want him. But...I was almost afraid I'd wake up one morning and Spike would be gone.

He hasn't left yet. And it's been almost four months.

My life has always been so protected. Until Buffy came here, and Jesse died. Then I couldn't pretend everything was okay, because it wasn't. And I knew it.

I suppose someone could blame Buffy for all the problems in our lives. Well, not all of them, just some of them. But I don't.

If she had never shown up, the Master wouldn't have died. If the Master hadn't died, the Anointed One wouldn't have taken over. If he hadn't taken over I really doubt Spike would have come to Sunnydale. Even if Angel was here.

And if he'd never come to Sunnydale, I'd still be with Oz. And I'd probably still be cheating on him with Xander.

On second thought, I might not even be with Oz, because Spike never would have sent the Order of Taraka after Buffy, causing Oz to save my life.

But...it's all in the past. And I just want to concentrate on what...and who...is in front of me.

My future.