The Electronic Blue Beret ......Week 7 of 2004

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has to be a ballerina!"

LETS GIVE IT A GO.

At last!! A decent chain letter. As opposed to normal chain
letters/pyramid schemes, this one costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates.

INSTRUCTIONS;
Anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don't Forget
some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically,among those women, will be at least: 0.5 miss worlds, 2.5 models 463 wild nymphos, 3,234 good-looking nymphos, 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms and 40,198 bi-sexual women.

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited,
and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all,
your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come
back to you.

D O NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER.
One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his
friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he
sent
her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial
expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel
he'd
been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live
with
his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter). While I am
sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has
already
received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion.
Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL
This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life.
No
expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that
only
interest women) just so that you can screw her. No obligations, no
grumpy
mother-in- law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or
engagement. Do not hesitate.....send this letter today to 9 of your
best
friends. PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your
vacuum
cleaner. PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so
that
they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon
under-take.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never
will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours
with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear
and compelling reason why we observe daylight
savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless
you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that
moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That
time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe
that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that
a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals
built the Titanic.

16. FINAL Thought for the day
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's
up to the women to stomp them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Now..there, doesn't that just touch your heart?

VA007 Wednesday 4 February 2004

PROTECTING THE UNIQUE MEANING OF ANZAC

Minister for Veterans' Affairs, Danna Vale, said she recognised the
importance of the word 'Anzac' to the veteran and wider Australian community
and supported the Victorian RSL in their views on the use of the word as a
child's name.

The Protection of Word 'Anzac' Regulations were created in 1921, in
recognition of the importance of the word to Australians and the deep and
enduring interest of the ex_service and wider community in ensuring that it
is not used inappropriately.

The Regulations prohibit, without the authority of the Minister for
Veterans' Affairs, the use of the word 'Anzac' or any similar word for any
commercial purpose. There are also restrictions on the use of the word
'Anzac' in the name of street, roads or parks.

"The Regulations do not prohibit the naming of a person as 'Anzac', and I
understand that after World War I, in the spirit of the times, there were
instances of children given the name 'Anzac'. I am not aware of any recent
instances other than today's," Mrs Vale said.

"Over the passage of time, views have changed, and I would encourage the
family to consider the concerns of the ex-service community on the use of
'Anzac' as a child's name."

Media Contact: Claire Bannon 02 6277 7820 or 0423 781 896

A load of .

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a
job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT.
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way;
it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he
asked the second man.

"Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye... that's a
very popular cliché for speed." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.Yep,
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same
question. The last man replied, "After hearing the three previous
answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I
wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the toilet. But, before I could
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants!"

HE GOT THE JOB!

INTERESTING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

**** TRUE OR FALSE ****

Can you guess which of the following are true or false?

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop - even your heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2 - 6 years old.
9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines. (If married, a lot longer!)
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie".
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

Answers below.

ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE !!!
(Doesn't #16 really 'bug' you! )

Frog Loan
A talking frog goes into a bank and approaches the
teller. He see's right away from her window nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack (He can read, too!)

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief. In staying with the Bank policy
pertaining to customer relations, she kindly asks him his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, adds the fact
>that his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay to give him a loan because he knows the bank manager personally.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with
some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. No problem. I have this," and
produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink
and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank
manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager
and says,"There's a frog at my window who says his name is Kermit
Jagger, he claims to know you, says his dad is Mick Jagger, and wants to borrow $30,000, AND he wants to use this as collateral." She
holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this thing?"

(you're gonna love this)...................

(its a real treat)........................

(masterpiece)..................................

(wait for it).................................................

The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack,
Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't you?!! - I knew you would.)

Nationality Wives

WHITE WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her good night.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat
ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens
again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already
realized
nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive
dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have
sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his
girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma,
her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend
and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of
your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home
along
the Rio Grande.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN.

For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no fucking bike!"

DID YOU KNOW...?

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. I keep my toothbrush in the living room now.
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
All U.S. presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like to be seen wearing them in public.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
Turtles can breathe through their butts.

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but
unfortunately only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger says, " I'm Jonny Wilkinson, the best flyhalf in
Britain. The English need me, it would be unfair to them if I died". So he
takes the first parachute and jumps. The second passenger, Graca Machel,
says, "I am the wife of the former President of South Africa. I am also the
most dedicated woman in the world." She takes one of the parachutes and
jumps. The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I am the President of the
United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world
politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the
history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die."
So he takes a parachute and jumps. The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to
the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy, "I am already old. I have
already lived my life, as a good
person and a priest I will give you the last parachute".
The boy replies "No problem your popeness, there is also a parachute for
you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag..."
NOW........DON'T FORGET THE PICTURES

Jigsaw Puzzle

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a kangaroo."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a kangaroo."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed....
"let's put all these Skippy Cornflakes back in the box.".

G'Day Pom

hope the typing finger/fingers are ok as is the rest of you and the fam I have read the nominal roll of 5 adg basic course.21 of them went to Vung tau to-gether ,included; but not from the course was Jock Massie.The info on Thailand is I feel incorrect. Seven of the names on the list were at Bsuppflt a name changed later to 1osu.If I make it to nwcstle in April a few of the boys will be able to confirm.If I dont get there then I will spend a couple of hours with my typing finger.

Love Dutchy

The Pom Responding,
Dutchy the list posted on site of the Ubon Boys has been composed by memory of those who served there as there is no offical list as per Vietnam.

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were
kids in the 50's, 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have
survived, because...
Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint,
which was promptly chewed and licked.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or
cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and
fluorescent 'clackers' on our wheels.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the passenger seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle - tasted the
same.

We ate dripping sandwiches, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy
pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were
always outside playing.

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no
one actually died from this..

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went
top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After
running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the
problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we
were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us all day and no
one minded.

We did not have Playstations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No
99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile
phones, no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms.

We had friends - we went outside and found them.

We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really
hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there
were no lawsuits. They were accidents.

We learnt not to do the same thing again.

We had fights, punched each other hard and got black and blue we
learned to get over it.

We walked to friend's homes.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate live stuff, and
although we were told it would happen, we did not have very many eyes
out, nor did the live stuff live inside us forever.

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.

Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem
solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and

responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them. Congratulations!

Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real kids,
before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.

(If you aren't old enough, thought you might like to read about us).

G'day Pom,

Just a quick note mate - could you update my email details on the "ADG Com Centre" Page. Last March, Maria and I've moved from Melbourne to Murray Bridge in South Australia.

My new and continuing email address is

pahl@internode.on.net

My ADG Course number is No 9

My home address is:

No 3, Lot 33 Bremer Road
Murray Bridge
SA 5253

and my phone number is not for publication but if any ADGs specifically asks if you have it, please feel free to give it to them.

You've done a great job on the website mate. I've just submitted a few website links to your Bravenet links page.

Thanks and cheers mate,
Tony

Anthony "Bushranger" Pahl
Webmaster
International War Veterans' Poetry Archives
Bushranger's Revetment
RAAF Vietnam Veterans' Association
Army Mom's Safe Haven
Small Eagle's Eyrie
Red Cowboy's Poems
Listen to the drums... and remember the drummers