Variations on a Lyrastar Theme
Summary: these three drabbles were inspired by Lyra's wonderful
"Kissing Captain
Kirk" drabble series (rated G to NC-17). You should read that series
first in order to make any sense out of these.
Kissing Up to Captain Kirk: Spock
McCoy wondered why Jim had promoted Spock to full Commander, while leaving
him stuck at Lt. Commander. Not that he paid that much attention to rank
anyway, but it stuck in his craw that perhaps the captain considered Spock
more valuable than himself.
Incredulous at having to ask Spock for career advice, McCoy nonetheless
swallowed his pride and asked Spock what his secret was.
Spock replied as expected. "Doctor, I am more valuable than you are." He
paused. "However, should you ever decide to play chess with the captain,
applying less than full cognitive effort seems to have unexpected
dividends."
FINIS
Kissing Up to Captain Kirk: Chekov
Chekov wondered why the captain had promoted every other officer who manned
Navigation to lieutenant, while he was still an ensign. He was tired of
always being the most junior officer on the bridge. Frustrated, one day he
asked Sulu for advice.
"Pavel, more kissing up is needed."
Chekov was game, if a little confused. "Well, Sir, you are obviously an
officer of the highest caliber. Your ship handling skills are legendary
throughout the fleet, and your grace and composure under pressure is
inestimable. Brave, yet ..."
Sulu stared at him for a moment. "Not me, you fool. Captain Kirk!"
FINIS
(With apologies to the movie "Pretty Woman")
Kissing Mary Sue: James T. Kirk
"Marry me, Mary Sue!" Captain Kirk cried deep from the throes of passion.
"But what about your ship? Your crew?" replied Mary Sue.
"I knew you were the one the first time I kissed you, Mary Sue" he whispered
tenderly to his soul mate.
"But the Enterprise is in peril!" she exclaimed.
"I've wasted so many years, so much time...consumed with loneliness, making
love to all those countless women" he sobbed desperately, "looking for the
one who could take me away from such crushing responsibility...You can free
me, Mary Sue!"
Overwhelmed by his passionate yearning manhood, she fainted dead away.
FINIS
(with apologies to the episode "Requiem for Methuselah", from
which this was taken almost verbatim)