Trek in Real Life

3rd place, 2004 ASC Awards
TOS Filk/Poem Category

Summary:  four haikus, in response to Jungle Kitty's poetry challenge.

Trek in Real Life

Driving down highway
Fool dithers, weaves left and right
Almost causing wrecks.

"Go.  Or stay,"  I yell,
shaking fist, as he cuts in.
My temper flares high.

"But do it because
it is what you wish to do!"
I feel better now.
 

My brother holds a
PHD, in EE.  Smart guy.
Likes to walk our dog

Bro visits, chats a while
Then gets leash.  Dog jumps, wiggles,
knows what's up.  Smart dog.

I cannot resist.
"He knows, Doctor.  He knows."  I
say, in profound tone.
 

Mister Pinetrees asks
Diane for a file. But she
is busy, busy.

"I'll have it for you
in a few minutes," says she.
Oh! Poor choice of words.

Mister PineTrees tries
to resist, but cannot. A
wild look overcomes him.

He tugs his collar
grandly, and shouts, "We haven't
GOT a few minutes!"

Someone walking by
dies laughing.  But Diane just
looks at him with pity.
 

Captain Kirk damaged
my profession thirty years
before it was born.

System down, worker
bees unhappy.  Manager
bees unhappy, too.

"Why did this happen?"
Mister Big asks.  "It's the
worst possible time!"

Because you reversed my budget allocation for a failover system, I reply.

(I am so very brave.
My eval is complete.  And
safely in HR.)

Mister Big is Not
happy.  He wails.  He screams. But
I am calm, outside.

Kirk!  This is all his
fault.  Everyone knows -Yell at
Scotty, make it work.

I CANNA CHANGE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!  I scream.

(Just on the inside -
I'm not *that* brave,  even
with complete eval.)

Back to life, back to
Reality.  I think the
meanest thought I can.

You're just like Kirk
If Kirk had no leadership skills.
And was not attractive.
 

FINIS


Note 1:  The last stanza is not an error.  I changed the condition of the haiku.
Note 2:  In real life, Mr. Big is actually pretty nice.  But someone needs to suffer for my art, and it certainly isn't going to be me.