A hand tapped her shoulder. She looked up to see Sensei Narai looking down on her, frowning at the brows with her concerned look. “Ami-chan, are you sure that you are up to this? I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I don’t want to force you into anything.”
    She smiled, deliberately brightly as if to confirm her words. “Hai, Narai-san, watashi-wa genki desu!” (Yes, Sensei Narai, I am fine!)
    “But… I suppose so. If you are sure about wanting to compete, then you had better go, you are on next. Remember, just do the best you can.”
    “Hai Sensei!” She held the hand that had been on her shoulder and pressed the medal into the hand, “for your safekeeping…”
    “Of course.”
    Ami walked out of the room with a stride of confidence. She replayed Sensei Narai’s last remark in her head… “Just do the best you can.”… no… that was not enough, she had to do that best that Asuka can, assume his shoes and tell the world what Asuka would have wanted her to tell, what Asuka would have wanted her to tell him.

    As Ami slowly walked to the side of the rink to wait for the signal for her to enter the center-stage, she passed the previous competitor. Ami had seen her earlier in the changing room, her mother fussing over her, and during the one minute silence of remembrance for Asuka, she had broke down and cried. As they passed each other, they gave a small smile. Ami was taken aback when she felt her arm being caught, herself being drawn closer to this girl.
The girl tilted her head towards her, “I saw you skate at the trials, I wish that I could do the same. I’ve skated for so long, but I have never had the same talent as you. I saw Akiyama-san on the television when I was young, and wanted to skate like him ever since then. He doesn’t know me, but he was my inspiration, like he is the same, to so many other skaters of my age.
    “Today I tried to skate like him, for his memory, but I couldn’t do it perfectly, but I know that you can. You’ve been placed in the middle of the skaters’ listings for a very good reason, you are a newbie, so they can’t put you on the top of the list, but you must be good enough to be so far away from the other newbies. It means that you have a chance to get a placement. Don’t worry about Watanebe-san’s taunting, I know she would have done it on you, she’s a sore loser. Good luck!”
    Ami turned and looked at her, smiled, mouthing a ‘thank you’ at her. As she disappeared into the changing rooms, Ami looked up at the audience stand and imagined Asuka watching over her. She looked at her own, tiny hands, and clenched them tightly closed, deep inside she said a prayer… “Asuka, watch me, look at me as I tell you everything, show you everything that you have meant to me, and always will.”

    Sensei Narai had not followed Ami out to the waiting area. It was usual practice that a coach would do so, but then, Ami was not exactly the usual type of student.  Not to mention that she didn’t want to give dear Ami any more stress then she was already receiving, from herself.
    And most of all, because she understood that her pupil would not want anyone waiting with her. Well… only Asuka… maybe. She wondered where he was, whether or not he was safe. She didn’t know how things were between the two of them, all that she could guess was that he was Ami’s own, personal religion.

    The sound of a small bell rang hushing the audience, and signaling that the judges were ready for the next performance.  She looked at the audience apprehensively for a moment until she caught her mother’s eye and smiled. Looking at the judges, they had leaned forward a little too eagerly for the usual skater. She stepped out in her white dress, the one that Asuka had given her, the one that she had worn for her trials, and immediately skated to the center of the rink. Whispers passed through the rink, no one had expected her to really compete after all that had happened…

    There she is, my little girl. If only I could reach her sometimes, but she pushes me away. She has been like this ever since she was a little girl. Perhaps it is my fault that she is like this, so detached and unwilling to express herself to people. Maybe if I didn’t spend so much of her childhood working so hard, trying to reach the top of the hospital hierarchy, she would be different.
    Now, she knows that if she needs me, I am here. I understand her, know how her mind works, but only if she wants me to know. But so many times she prefers to bury the pain inside her instead of talking. Sometimes I wonder if she will be broken by it, like a horse carrying one too many lengths of straw in the cart, falling. The burden of sadness, that she keeps in her heart.

    He looked at Ami, then at Dr. Mizuno sitting next to him. An understanding, loving mother, and a hurt, stubborn child. Without knowing what he was doing, he reached out and placed his hand on back of Dr. Mizuno’s hands and held them. “I spoke to Ami earlier today, she seems determined to win. I think she has chosen her therapy.”
    Dr. Mizuno smiled at him softly and nodded her head. Murmuring quietly, her lips moved slowly, “yes, I believe that she has.”
    Handing her the program flipped to the page introducing Ami, he said, “you two are very alike, physically and mentally. You both strive for challenges to heal yourself. Time spent together is not the most important, it is the quality of the time. She admires you, and no doubt wants to tell you about herself. Read her when she skates.”
    “I admire her too, for her strength, for her character, for her kind, gentle heart.  You are going to be a doctor, you understand the essentials of being a truly successful doctor. I will only ever have the skills, but not the same heart no matter how much I try.”
    “Ami has sad eyes, because even as a young woman, she has experienced things that you have not, things that most people have not experienced.  Yes, she has the essentials of a doctor, the generosity of the heart. Dr. Mizuno, indeed you have the skills, who could have forgotten that fantastic lecture you gave about Emergency Situations, adrenaline, and the short all round tour of all the things that we had to be prepared for in the real world. But you under estimate yourself now, you are selling yourself short. I would be blind to not see, anyone can see that you also have the same kindness and patience in YOUR heart, I still remember the time when you treated me. That time when I had a shadow in my chest, you are a truly magnificent doctor.”
    “Mamoru, you are very kind, to me, and to Ami. Thank you for those words which have touched me tremendously, to the heart. I think that Ami must be very lucky to have a friend like you by her side. Someone who is so willing to listen, someone who is so easy to talk to.”
    “No, her luck does not end there. She is very lucky to have you as a mother, Dr. Mizuno. A woman who knows so much yet still has the utmost humility and courtesy to deny it. A woman who has her priorities right, and most important of all, a woman who can jiggle the balls of motherhood, a successful career and a friend, all in one hand, never dropping a single one and never flailing when at the most important time.”

    The others beside Mamoru and Dr. Mizuno stared at them in shock. The display of the touching, and perhaps even the hint of intimacy, then also the familiar way of speaking.  There was understanding and friendship between the two of them. Dr. Mizuno and Mamoru? Usagi’s Mamo-chan?
    The lady that they were scared of, not because of her attitude, but of her intelligent demeanor, was being comforted by a medical student, a mere fourth year medical student. They looked at her face, the sadness, and even the hint of kindness, vulnerability… they had never seen her this way before. Perhaps, was it even possible that an intelligent, successful woman such as Dr. Mizuno was human after all? Could that be a display of humanity? Could there be, beneath the external layer of cool professionalism, a caring, defenseless person, a side of her that had never been exposed to them before? They couldn’t be sure if they were correct, but it wasn’t actually the point. Seeing someone, no matter who it was, so hurt, made their hearts cringe. They wished that they had the courage Mamoru had to reach out, help and comfort a person in distress but did not have the same strength, frankness, or confidence to do so.

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