12:43am
Asuka opened the door of Ami’s room cautiously as he moved awkwardly in
his bulky suit and the heavy helmet that weighed his head down. “Ami-chan?”
He whispered softly, his voice sounded much louder than he had intended
although he had not realized that the plastic helmet would not only muffled
is voice to the ears of Ami, but create an echo to increase the volume
of his voice to his own ears.
“Asuka-chan?” Ami said as she lifted her head to look at the visitor,
“you’re alright, you’re… you’re alive!” she exclaimed as she recognized
the young man behind the mask.
“Ami-chan!” He ran to engulf her into a hug, “yeah, I’m alive.
How are you?”
Stepping back, she smiled and shrugged embarrassedly, “as well as I could
be I suppose, when I am locked up in here,” as she indicated her hospitalized
surroundings, “and you? How long have you been back? I haven’t
seen you for ages!”
“I’m alright I guess, I was let out today, they found me by the park again
two days ago, I don’t know what’s happened all this time, its like the
last thing I remember was saying goodbye to you after watching Swan Lake…
and then wham! I wake up in the hospital, and six months of my life
has just gone straight past me without me knowing, I don’t even know what
I did during that time, well, except for one thing, which I may or may
not have done. Ami-chan, can we talk? I mean, really talk?
Are you up to it?”
“What do you mean? Really talk? What do you want to talk about?”
Ami said slowly, wondering what he was referring to.
“These six months, I saw some things, I mean, I think I saw some things,
not that I really know, because I don’t really know what is real and what
isn’t anymore.” Asuka said as he started pacing around the room,
“I mean, later tonight, I’ll probably be laying in my bed wondering if
I really did talk to you at all.”
“You are talking to me.”
“Just like dreams always seem like real life until you wake up.”
“Asuka-kun, what is on your mind?”
“What is on my mind? Ah-ha! Ami-chan, you’ve opened another
can of worms, I don’t know what is on my mind, I think insanity, but the
doctors think that I’m fine. You’d think with my history of insanity
in my household, the good doctors will be extra careful and actually lock
me up when I say that I am crazy, but no, they look at me and tell me to
get some rest…”
“Asuka-kun, calm down…” Ami began as he continued raving on and on
and on, whilst she knew that someone in his family had a psychiatric problem,
she had always found it somewhat strange that he seemed so obsessed about
the possibility that he might have inherited it.
“Why is everyone telling me to calm down? I mean, everyone thinks
that it’s just a button, that if they say it enough times, I’ll just press
that button in mind that is labeled ‘calm down’ and then that’s it.
It’s almost like I am a machine, the same button that says ‘walk’, ‘talk’,
‘fetch’, ‘calm down’, no one seems to notice the fact that I happen to
be a living breathing, well, at least right now I am, human being, I’m
not a robot.”
“Asuka-kun?” Ami looked at him, completely sweatdropped.
“Okay, I’ll start again, I killed you…”
“WHAT?” Ami’s eyes bulged out as she choked on the idea.
“Okay, I didn’t kill you, but that’s not the point, the point is that I
meant to kill you.”
“Umm… care to elaborate?”
“See, that’s the last thing I remember, well, I think it was the last thing…
second last thing I mean, second last thing that I think I remembered,
but then, it might have been a dream as well, that I’m not sure of.”
Ami looked at him dumbfounded, her left eyebrow higher than her right as
she tried to make sense of the strange tale that was unfolding before her.
“I tried to kill you with this funny beam of light that came out of my
hands when you were in a skating rink. Oh, and the last thing I think
I remembered was walking on nothing in space and everything disappearing
into dust. Now, do you think I am crazy, or did that really happen?”
She blinked. For a moment, the room became absolutely silent as he
stopped pacing, and she stared at him not knowing what to say, if she said
that it never happened, he would think he was crazy, if she confirmed it,
then she’d have to explain it. “Asuka-kun, I don’t know how to explain
this…” she said slowly to give herself time to think, “but, trust me, you
are not crazy, there’s a logical explanation for everything.” Although
I don’t what to say to explain it. Having an explanation would be
handy! she admonished herself, “I am not dead, so whatever the
reason you saw that, it didn’t kill me.”
“That’s not the point, the point is I either tried to kill you, or I imagined
it, either way, it can’t be very good for your safety. And did I
forget to mention? See this cut?” he held up his right hand for her
to see, “I cut myself today when I was arguing with my manager, I don’t
even remember when I picked up that knife, and I was about to throw it
at him too!” He pushed his palm to her face, thrusting the crusted
wound before her eyes so that she could see the dried trails of blood that
had cursed through the tiny folds of skin in his hand.
“But the point is that it didn’t happen. Asuka-kun, I know this probably
is not a very good explanation, but it will not happen, I promise that,
you are never going to see that happen, or repeat itself. And the
knife, it was just a moment of rage, it’s nothing, we all get angry sometimes,
we just react in different ways.”
“Oh, and I react by throwing a knife after someone, sure, that’s normal
behaviour. I know, it’s never going to happen, I’m going to make
sure it doesn’t happen. But accept it, the truth is, I am an psycho,
I am crazy, I am nuts!” Asuka said with absolute finality.
“No, you’re not, that’s the thing, you’re not crazy…”
“Ami-chan, I am, don’t pacify me like I’m just a little kid who would believe
that red was green if you told him enough times, don’t tell me I’m not
crazy when I obviously am, I am nuts, accept it, take it through that thick
skull of yours, I AM CRAZY!”
“Asuka-kun!”
“You don’t get it do you? Everything in Ami Mizuno’s world has to
be perfect, nothing bad ever happens, no one can be crazy, just like no
one can be truly bad, just like no one can ever fail in anything, just
like no one can be stupid. Well, guess what, face the facts, life
isn’t all rosy every single moment, BAD things happen too, just that nothing
seemed to have happened to you. People DIE, people go INSANE, people
KILL! Get the idea? Even though I know you, I am allowed to
go crazy! Just because your world seems wonderful from your point
of view, it’s not, things, BAD THINGS HAPPEN!”
“I… know things… things happen…” Ami said as tears rolled down her cheeks,
“I’ve had bad things happen to me too…”
“Like what? Like daddy walking away? No, I’m talking about
BIGGER things, the really BIG BAD things…” he yelled at her, using his
hands to indicate the size, “that really happen. The really BIG things
that have never troubled Ami Mizuno’s life, her life is perfect, daddy
leaving is nothing! Having classmates taunt you is nothing!
Those things you can just hide behind a thick book and they’ll go away,
like they always do in your world. Daddy deciding that he should
go out and…”
*SLAP!* Asuka staggered backwards, stunned by the stinging
in his cheeks even behind the protection of the plastic helmet, he knew
now that he must have made her extremely angry at him for her to snap and
slap him across the face.
“I know that bad things happen,” Ami whispered, “I’ve seen them happen.”
“You just don’t understand, do you? It’s happening, to me, but you
think I’m imagining it. You’ve seen it happen, but its never happened
to anyone you really know, and you think that it won’t happen, that all
is well around you. I’m not going to waste anymore of your time trying
to convince you that it’s really happening, maybe you just don’t want to
be jolted into reality… or you’re just as selfish as everyone else in the
world and you don’t want to know about it, you don’t want it to ruin your
perfect little world.” He spoke softly and clearly, all the time
avoiding her eyes, until his tone of voice dropped to an inaudible whisper
as he left the room, “sayonara (goodbye), Ami-chan, itsumademo
(forever)…”
For a long time, Ami stood there, willing that the door would open once
again to reveal Asuka in the doorway so that she could talk to him again.
She had slapped him… that was second time she had done that, the second
time in her life when she had truly lost control of her anger. She
could hardly believe what had just happened, had Asuka really come in and
yelled at her, had she really raised her hand and struck him? Or
was it a dream, just another bad dream that she would wake up from.
The stinging in her palms told her otherwise, she had done what she thought
she had… she had done the unforgivable, to let raw emotions take over her.
She clenched her hands, pressing her nails into her palms hard, to make
sure that she was awake; she had just hit someone who needed a friend,
someone who needed understanding.
“Asuka-kun, what have I done?” She cried to the empty room; collapsing
on the floor, she banged her fists onto the bare plastic flooring, “why
is everything happening so fast? First I have Zoicite standing in
front of me when I wake up, then I just… oh gods, what is happening to
this world?”