In My Eyes

By Filorux

"Higher!" The small frame in my arms cries with enthusiasm.

"Almost, Heero! Little higher!" I push him higher on my shoulder, noting an uncharacteristic grin tugging on the corners of my mouth as I savour his happiness. Just looking at his smiles makes one feel like walking above the clouds. That's how contagious his joys are.

"Why the tallest branch?"

"Because when something takes a lot more effort to gain, it becomes all the more sweeter!"

Small, delicate hands reach towards the amplest blossom on the highest branch, detaching it from its stem with a gentle tug. Accomplished and content, my angel holds the blossom close to him, and closes his eyes. With the tiny smile on his delicate face, and the brilliant sunlight stroking his golden hair, there is nothing in this world that resembles more of an angel than he. I let my eyes capture the image of this perfection and inserted this leaflet in my album of memories.

"You look funny when you stare."

"Do I, Little one?"

"Haha... I like it when you call me 'little one', Heero."

It's hard to image how little usually inconspicuous things can make one happy. But my Quatre is a living example. Sometimes that little things I do for him or the little things I say would evoke such joy in him and the usually sorrowful expression he wore would disappear. And I wonder – how could someone with his bright, cheerful nature could look so sad at times.

***

My album of memories had stored these sad times along with the goods. On rainy days, he would sit by the window, staring into the fog of moisture falling from sky. And he would remain that way, till the sun breaks out. During these long moments, I would walk to his side, draping a warm jacket around him, lest he grew cold from the chill that seem to seep through the glass window.

During those times, he would finger that too-plain silver ring hang on a thin chain around his neck.  I wouldn't ask him then of the reason, for I know, during these strange moments, he would never talk to me. But I had noticed with anger the pain in his eyes. Before he came to be with me, there was another. Someone had hurt him. Someone in connection with that ring had hurt him so badly that he could not even speak of his offence. But I only know that much. No matter how many times I've asked him the question, or how many times these desperate talks turned into heated clashes.

"A long time ago, someone made me a promise – and he broke it." That's all he would ever tell me.

If I know this man, I would hunt him down to the end of the world, and rip him into shreds for what he'd done to my love. This angelic being of happiness he'd turned to sorrow.

"You are always so quiet, Heero. What is going on in that laser brain of yours?" He always loved to tease my quiet contemplations. True, I was never a man of many words. But to express my love to this angelic being, words are but useless tools.

I would hold his small frame close to my chest, feeling his heartbeat like a bird's wing fluttering against its cage. My lips that meet his spoke silent volumes; my fingers caressing through his hair conveys gentleness in its simplest form; my heartbeat that matches his wildly would chants, Love you, love you, love you…

***

"How deep is this lake?"

"The water is too murky to tell. My guess would be at least 100 metres."

*splash* My fingertips barely manage to touch the edge of his clothing. He had moved with a speed beyond my expectations of his seemingly frail body! I panic, without a thought I jump into the small fading circles where he disappeared under. The water is too turbid, even light is barely seen. My fingers grasp and claw through the water, hoping to grab onto his invisible form. But with my panicked grasps, I soon run out of breath. When I finally break through the surface, I see him, grinning at me mischievously from the water a few metres away. I should be angry now, his little joke had gave me such heartache and worry, but the moment I see him smile, shaking his head like a wet puppy, every negativity in me seems to disappear into the thin air, and replaced with elation.

"Don't do that again, little one. You gave me quite the scare."

"Sorry Heero. I just wanted to know how deep the water is." Some strange things he does, one day ought to be the death of me. The smile lingers, engulfing my heart in flames.

Almost without a conscious thought, I have stirred away the distance between us, and now my arms are around his small body, holding tightly onto him.

"Tell me you are not just a figment of my imagination."

"I'm real, Heero. For you, and me, and the rest of the world."

"Assure me you won't one day disappear."

"I will always be with you, Heero."

"Promise me you will be mine forever."

"I can't Heero. Not yet…"

"I can wait. Even if it takes forever." That bleak look in his eyes, I wonder if I can ever wipe away. With my eyes, I take this picture, silently encouraging my determination to find him happiness.

***

*splattersplattersplatter*

Rainy day, once again. My angel sits silently by the window, watching the rain.

With my thick woollen coat around him, he seemed so small, so fragile, as if the wind of the storm would sweep him away. I can't lose him. Not even to the sky.

Feeling possessive, I lay a callused hand gently upon his shoulder. And to my surprise, water blue eyes tear away from the rain and locks onto mine. He was smiling. His beautiful, angelic smile.

He stands and takes my hand, "Come on, Heero. Let's go to the lake."

I followed him in a daze, unbelieving the sudden alternation in his almost mechanical routine.

He runs through the rain, water pasting his golden hair on to his fair skin. But he don't care, he danced in the pouring rain and laughed at the chilly water streaks on his skin like a carefree child. Water already soaked through my thin cotton shirt. But I couldn't care less, in face of his joy. I stare at him, at his smiles, I want to capture his first rainy joy with my eyes, and store this beautiful picture in my album of memories forever.

By the lake, he let go of my hand.

"Heero, can you take five paces back?"

I complied, reluctantly putting a small distance between us.

Without a backward glance, my Angel continued, "Heero, can you…use your eyes… to capture this moment? I want this moment to be forever stored in your album of memories."

I wonder how he knows. But there is always time for questions later. "Hn."

For a long time, he just stood there, looking out across the wide lake, unmoving. I fear he had once again returned to his old habit of staring at the rain, but then, he cupped his hands and yelled across the wide water and the mist of rain.

"Trowa! You are an idiot! Imbecile! Moron! Fool!" He is choking on the rain, his voice breaking with the coming of his tears. To stand here watching his heart tearing, my own heart has crumbled to dust.

"I hate you." Those words come out of his mouth in a bare audible whisper. I want to rush towards him, to comfort him, to protect him from all the pain in the world as I enfold him in my arms. But something tells me to hold my ground. Something tells me that this moment will be the most important event in our relationship.

"I hate you Trowa. But I love you." The curtain of rain slowly thins around us. My hand is now a fist. "I love you." He softly repeats. Then with a violent motion he rips the chain holding the silvery ring from his neck and holds it high into the sky. With a great swing, he throws them far into the lake, and followed it with his eyes until it was nothing but a tiny ripple on the surface of the lake in the distance. 

Almost akin to a romantic tale, the sun chooses that precise moment to break through the thick clouds and sprays its golden rays across the water's surface. The rain has stopped completely. My Quatre… he seems… is glowing! More than anything else at that moment, I want to reach out to touch him, yet fearing upon my touch he would disappear in beams of golden light. With the golden halo of his hair, I can almost picture the equally befitting wings sprouting from his back.

At that moment, my angel turns around to gaze at me.

"You look funny when you stare."

He took five paces towards me, stopping with his lips inches in front of mine.

With a whisper he says, "I don't belong to the heaven, nor the earth. I'm as real as I am to you. I will be with you forever… and I belong to you, Heero, for eternity."

No words need to be said, for they are but useless tools to describe the myriad of emotions tumbling inside of me. Our lips meld and I pour forth my love for him through our connection.

Better than words, better than actions, he understands my soul, as I give it to him.

Author's note: *sweatdrop* I hope you didn't drown in that sap.O.o Email me at padawan_filorux@yahoo.com.au