Tears

By Filorux

Grey skeleton

All that's left of the colony that faced my wrath.

Cries resonance in my mind

The remanent of the hundreds destroyed by my own hands

All that's left

Is the numb in my soul

When I pulled the trigger

And he disappeared in front of my eyes

My hands… they are stained with blood

Sins that I can never wash away with tears

Regrets that shall follow me to the end of my days

My heart is crying out…

Pain…

Trowa…where are you?

Crystal beads broke free of their confinements as I poured water into Heero's mouth.

Today, I had almost killed two friends.

Today, I had truly seen who I am, without other's flattering words of praise.

Not an angel like all others pictured me to be, and never had been.

I'm just a foolish person with foolish ideals that in a moment of rage had disintegrated an entire colony.

… and Trowa…

"Quatre…" the body in my arms stirs. How can I bear to face him? After all, I had been the one to cause his injuries.

"I'm so sorry, Heero. I'm so sorry." I resolved to endless apologies, my mind in a daze, my voice bordering hysterics. I tried to stop the uncontrolled tears. Why can't I be strong? Even in a situation like this! "You must be thinking how weak I am now, Heero. Because in truth I am. I couldn't bear it when I saw they kill my father in front of my eyes, just after I realised how much he had really loved me." I chuckle at myself mockingly. "And now I have destroyed a whole colony, and badly injured Trowa and you in my rage. I-"

"Quatre." Something in his tone of voice make me gather up the courage to lift up my head to look into his eyes. They are still the cold Prussian blue ice, penetrating like a spear into my soul. "Will you kill me now?" I hesitantly ask.

"I had wanted to kill you, but not because of what you have done. Rather, it's what you had lost."

I'm perplexed. "What I had lost…"

"Your gentleness, and your kindness, Quatre." He's staring straight into my eyes, terrifying with it's depth and yet strangely comforting. "You may not know of their true worth to the rest of us soldiers. But this is an age when all acts of kindness are punished. People die because of their kindness had been turned into a weakness others can take advantage of. You have no idea how long it had been since any acts of kindness had been reached us soldiers."

I can only stare at him. Words are lost on the tip of my tongue.

"You were the first soldier I encountered that still possessed this sense of innocence and kindness. You don't realise what strength you had given us.

"And when I saw you fighting so ruthlessly in wing zero… I … I felt as if the only hope driving me on was being crushed… and I hated you for that. Giving me a bright light in the darkness to lead my way towards the end of the tunnel, then snatching it away so completely, like it never existed."

Heero's speech stunned me. I had never known what any of the pilots had thought of me before. Now I think of it, how foolish I had been, how much damage I had truly done. And the friendships I have now battered…

"Don't cry, Quatre." I look up, startled, warm fingertips are touching my cheek, wiping away the wet stains.

"I'm sorry! I can't help it. I know I'm weak. I'm not needed in space." I said bitterly. "I don't deserve to be a Gundam pilot. If I'd never existed, none of this tragedy would have happen. You should have killed me when you had the chance-"

I gasp. Arms enfolds me towards a firm chest, holding me tight. It is so warm, so loving, much like when Iria had hugged me. Making me feel safe, loved. Sheltering me from all the problems of the world… perhaps like the way my mother would have held me if she were alive… like Trowa.

Strangely, this time I didn't cry. Instead, I closed my eyes and let a wave of serenity wash over me. It feels so safe in here… in Heero arms. I don't need to feel sorrow, or burden the world of blames I carry.

I opened my eyes and see the green fabric of Heero's tanktop.

"Don't cry, my angel. You are much stronger than you believe otherwise. To be able to retain your kind soul in this cruel world, makes you stronger than any warriors alive."

Heero held me away slightly, enabling his eyes to look deeply into mine.

"Promise me." He said. "Promise me that you will never lose that kindness again."

His eyes caught me in a trance… safe…

"Yes," I whisper. "I promise."

He smiled. It ought to be the first time I'd seen Heero smile.

"Quatre… I understand... the tears of kind people."

Author's note: Inspired by the shocking scene at the end of episode 25. See, that's what you get when you try too hard looking for 3x4 hints - you get great 1x4 ones instead! Email me at padawan_filorux@yahoo.com.au