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Acting FunnyMEMO From: The Managing Director To: Mr I. Hiram-Firem, Personnel Manager Subject: Employee headcount Kindly inform me how many people work for us at present. "mmm... tricky one..." (speaks as he writes) "Probably about half... on a good day" Please give the numbers broken down by sex and age Oh... that'll be most of them (tosses memo in out tray) Dear Mr Hiram-Firem, I would like to apply for compassionate leave. My wife has been in bed, under the Doctor for the last week.She thinks that I should be with her helping out making babies... What's that...? Oh I see... ...making baby's bottles, changing his nappy, getting him off to sleep, pushing the pram, doing the shopping etc. Yours sincerely M Jones PS I shall quite understand if you are unable to grant this request mmm I wonder if that was the M Jones who pinched my parking space yesterday.... (speaks as he writes) "Request granted"... That'll teach him... Dear Sir As requested I am happy to provide you with a reference for Mr John Thomas. Although he was only with us for a few months, he made a great impression on us, particularly whilst he was in charge of Petty Cash. He generally displayed a sober disposition before lunch time (and occasionally afterwards) and could be described as an untiring worker, for whom the pursuit of untiring work was an end in itself. Indeed, he provided an example to other members of staff, many of whom observed a rare spiritual quality in his work and noted that watching him was a truly religious experience: it gave them a vision of eternity which they previously had never had. His timekeeping was always fastidious, particularly in respect of tea and coffee breaks, and he led from the front when it came to leaving at night (or sometimes mid-afternoon). Blessed with a fertile imagination, he was never afraid of challenging traditional concepts. His expense claims were particularly challenging and displayed a very sophisticated grasp of deficit funded financial engineering, which proved a worthy challenge to the finest minds in our audit and legal departments. In conclusion, you will consider yourself very fortunate indeed if this young man chooses to work for you. Yours etc… He sounds just the sort of young man we’re looking for…He should fit in well. Bricklayer letter ….. "Request refused" Fellow’s got no stamina… LIGHTS. EXIT |
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