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November
28, 2000
  
The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
CB and I are still humming tunes from the
musical "Anything Goes." We enjoyed it a great deal. It was
cool to see a celebrity, Bronson Pinchot, in real life. But
even cooler was all the dancing, singing, and the great story
that went with this show. Our seats were not against the back
wall, but they were underneath the balcony overhang. Still,
they were in the center, and I felt like we had a marvelous
view.
It has made me pause and reflect several times
that this is one of the great benefits of living in a huge
city. The cultural opportunities are just not available in
small country towns. I recently had another opportunity to
have my mind expanded, as well.
I have still been
working on my 'Santa is a Shaman' article for the Yule issue
of Widdershins. Once the backpack was stolen, I was ready to
give up on it. However, the editor convinced me to change my
mind. After all, I had already put so many hours of work into
it. So I girded up my loins, so to speak, and started anew.
In the course of my research I made what was to me a
startling revelation. My impression of people in ancient days
was that they were somehow inferior or not as smart as we are
in the twentieth century, because they lived so long ago
without the advantages that we have now. I feel like I
probably learned this from the schools, and perhaps just
society at large.
While learning about the Roman
Empire, it occurred to me that those people were just as
sneaky and cunning as people these days. There were those who
took things like politics and economics seriously. There were
those who just wanted to party all the time. There were those
who were power hungry, and those who just didn't care. It was
just like we are now, only they wore different clothes and had
different toys.
Now maybe to some people that is not a
new revelation, but it certainly is to me. Sure, we have
advances in medicine and perhaps indoor plumbing that they did
not have, but how can you say we really have it better than
they did? Look how violent we are, and now we have the
capacity to destroy the world with nuclear weapons, to forever
change the face of the world. I am not better than a woman of
2000 years ago, just because of the time period in which I
live.
This has also served to reinforce for me the
idea that the only measure by which I can judge myself is
myself. Comparing myself to anyone else, whether they live now
or in the ancient past, is useless. Besides, how do I know I'm
not comparing myself then, less spiritually evolved, with
myself now, hopefully a little more evolved? I can only look
at my thoughts, actions, and dreams of today, then learn and
grow from there.
On a more down-to-earth note, last
night CB had to rush off to work to punch out on his timecard,
and while he was gone I was assembling my research into my
article. From the room downstairs I could hear the lady
laughing and carrying on, while she and her admirers were
either drinking or using drugs. Then the party spiraled down
into a yelling match, ending with her taunting one man until
he started beating her. After she took several hits, she
started to sing Amazing Grace. Apparently this outraged him
further, and he resumed his abuse. Finally, the fracas settled
down and they were all singing and partying again.
This whole episode seemed wholly bizarre to me. If
someone had intervened and called the cops, I am certain that
the intervener would have been yelled at, if not worse. In the
end, the woman continued to party, continued to numb her
senses and consent to the atmostphere developing in her room.
I am at a loss of what to do. When I have seen this woman in
the hallways, she seems at times to be completely insane,
often talking with herself, being argumentative with inanimate
objects, and taunting strangers and friends alike as if daring
them to do something to her.
In a way I feel like I am
an observer to a strange, unseen and unreported fraction of
the life on earth. I did not know that people lived like this.
Sometimes I wonder why I am here, but I figure that if I am
patient, I'll find out. It is my sincerest hope that CB and I
can discover a way to move up from where we are.
In
the meantime, I have another obstacle to face, dealing with my
mental health. CB has been an angel in dealing with me, as I
feel like I am lost in a fog much of the time. Is it the
stress? Is it the surroundings, or something inside me? I
don't know the answer, but I hope I find it soon. It's even
too hard to talk about here. I guess we will just see what
happens. Put it this way -- I have not been to work since last
Wednesday. I have a hard time remembering things, get confused
trying to make the smallest decisions, and feel like a fish
out of water. Does that make it any clearer?
Advice
gladly listened to, and perhaps even followed. Feel free to
give me your input. I reserve the right to share portions of
it here in my journal.
Have a nice day!
~Paisley
Blue | | |
