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My day has been very normal and routine so far. Those very close to me know whether or not the previous sentence is true.
This morning after less than my usual amount of sleep, I bounced out of bed, determined to not be late to work today. The dishes piled up in the sink were starting to smell, so I took the time to rinse some of them out. It helped. I checked my blood sugar this morning; it has been high recently but it was down quite a bit today. After I bathed and dressed, I put together my lunch, all the while listening to the talk radio station. They were discussing the fall basketball season. It seems that the Razorbacks' coach, Nolan Richardson, will face his son who coaches for Tennessee, in the first game of the next season. I had to chuckle at the irony of it all. It has been a challenge so far to keep my mind on what I am doing. My thoughts are with someone special. He is my lover, my fiance, my best friend. This evening I plan to visit with my sister and her family. I'm taking over a load of laundry - after all, she's always inviting me to come over to her house and bring my laundry. I'm taking her up on it! Who knows - maybe she'll give me supper. Just in case, though, I have some chicken thawing. Right now I am feeling very calm and assured. Even though my life seems so chaotic right now, I have faith that in the end, things will work out. Everything I've been through before today has prepared me for what I have to do now. I know I have the tools and coping skills and experience to get through the times ahead. Did that seem very cryptic? Heh. Well, I'm not sure how much detail I will go into over the internet. For a paranoid person like me, even keeping this journal is a big step. However, it is very important to me for other reasons, to share my thoughts, my feelings, and what I'm doing each day. This site is dedicated to one certain individual. He is my audience. (Heavy sigh, thinking about him...) Well, I am not sure how often I will be writing in this journal. Sometimes I feel like I could write in it every hour. We will just have to see what happens. |
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Yesterday evening when I got off work, it was somewhere between 95 and 100 degrees, depending on which bank thermometer you believed. Since there is no air conditioning in the apartment, I decided that my best strategy would be to go to places that had a/c - at least until it had cooled down a little.
My first stop was at the library, where I had called ahead to sign up for an hour on the internet. I was eleven minutes late and, after ten minutes, they give your computer to someone else. Which they had. But there were four other computers available, so I signed up for another one, and began to surf. The best surprise of all was to find my lover/honey/boyfriend online. We got to chat for a little over half an hour using Yahoo! Messenger. Those few minutes of internet chat lifted my spirits immeasurably. From the library I went to the Wal-Mart SuperCenter. I had a very limited budget. How limited? I set a spending limit of $10 on groceries for a week. Now, I know that won't exactly cut it, but there are still some things on the shelves at home, and I knew my mother would come through with some stuff, too. Spending that paltry sum would not have taken very long (at least for most people) so I decided to browse through the entire store. I looked at drapes and pillows and sporting goods and clothes and kitchen appliances... spent well over an hour just browsing. When I finally got to the groceries, I was getting a little tired, but I was determined to make my money stretch. And boy did I ever! I felt very proud of my four bags of groceries, even lugging them up the stairs and into the apartment. I was too tired to even take a bath last night (don't get me wrong, I bathe in the mornings but the evening baths are just for cooling off). By the time it had cooled off enough to consider doing anything, I was half-starving so I decided to cook some supper instead. The kitchen is half-clean now, so it was a pleasure to putter about, boiling water, cooking the macaroni, chopping up the hot dogs, mixing up the macaroni and cheese sauce... It was a simple supper but I cook so rarely that I felt very domestic. LOL Then, in the middle of the night - at 1:30 am to be precise - a loud THWACK of thunder startled me from bed. The windows rattled and car alarms went off. This storm had been in the Fayetteville-Springdale area, knocking down 100-year-old oak trees and blowing up transformers leaving folks without power. Now it was in my neck of the woods... I jumped up and closed the windows before the rain could soak into the carpet and everything. It started to get real hot, but the rain was falling fast and hard. The wind howled, blowing debris through the parking lot. I worried for my car, but there was no helping it. All I could do was hope for the best. For two hours I could not sleep - so I read, drew pictures, and other stuff to pass the time. I knew that today was going to be rough with losing those hours of sleep. Once the big storm was over, though, I opened the windows and fell quickly to sleep. Wow... what a storm! On my drive to work, I noticed branches on the streets in my neighborhood. Other parts of town did not look as bad hit as my area had been. That's okay... I'm just glad a tree limb didn't land on top of MY car!! Well, now things are sailing rather smoothly. I've been working steadily all morning and there is no end in sight. I have even toyed with the idea of asking if I can come in for a few hours on Saturday... well, perhaps I should not have taken my entire lunch hour but I just wanted to put an entry into this journal so bad... To my darling: I miss you so much, and love you always. Nothing that anyone can say will ever change my mind about that. We are linked together with a tight bond. I will be patiently waiting until you come home to me. |
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Well, it's Casual Friday. That means I'm sitting here at work in blue jeans and tennis shoes. If I did not have to work so hard, it would be a lot more fun. I am glad to have a job that challenges me. I don't get bored, sitting around watching the seconds tick away. For that, I am grateful!
The hours after work last night were spent at the library, first online, and then looking through a very interesting book. It's the artists' equivalent of Writer's Digest. It's for Illustrators and Graphic Artists. You know, I love to draw, and I am especially good at drawing women. One day I'll get some of my drawings scanned and put on this site. Anyway, I am carefully going through the listings looking for people who might be interested in the types of drawings I do - and guess what?!? They are out there! Can't tell that's a little exciting to me, now can you? Right now there is a feud brewing in my family and it is breaking my heart. I hate to see people fight and be unhappy, and I hate it even worse when the folks involved are ones whom I love. Part of the time it makes me just want to break off contact with everyone involved, but I might as well cut off my arms if I do that. It would be painful and hard to live without my family. I don't even know what to suggest when they turn to me for advice. When they say, "What would you do in my shoes?" my answer is that I wouldn't be in their shoes. I never would have carried anything this far. Even if I felt that I had been wronged, I would forgive those who wronged me and just go on. I've done it before, with each of the people involved in this mess. Why can't they see that forgiving each other and walking away, cutting their losses now, is the only real solution? All I can do is hope... hope that they will find the answers before this breaks our family apart. My oldest niece was supposed to have a piano recital this Saturday but it has been postponed. The piano teacher's husband's best friend was involved in a car accident. At least that is what I understand. Anyway, recital is next weekend. I wish I could record her and put her music on the web for you to hear. You'd never believe she's just ten years old, playing like a master. Of course, some of that opinion could be an aunt's pride, eh? One day at a time. That is how I am making it... missing my sweetie. One day at a time. There are few things a person needs in life. Water. Air. Food. Sleep. Also, love and hope. I have those things. Okay, there are a few things that make it nicer, especially living in a civilized society, like we do. Those are shelter, clothing, and money. But anyway... you know what I was trying to say. To my darling: No matter what happens, you've got air... and water... and food... and love - my love! Keep up the hope in your heart because this, too, shall pass. We will be together soon, just as we always have been, and just as we will be eternally. I love you. |