Maybe the "answer" is to just accept your life as it is, flaws and all. It is certainly easier to say this than it is to live this theory. But this is just what I have done. Have you ever noticed that when you're walking along the beach, picking up seashells, that you can walk for miles and never know it? But when your car breaks down along the road, even walking a few feet seems like miles? My theory is that when you constantly look ahead, and wonder and worry about the outcome, it seems like nothing is happening fast enough. But, when you don't pay attention to the road far ahead, your travels seem to go by in a blink.

Another analogy is going to see relatives who live far away. You're anxious, nervous and excited all at once. The drive seems to take eons before you arrive. However, driving the same route back you're home before you know it. The reason it's over before you know it is because you aren't focusing only on the trip. You spend the drive home thinking about what a good time you had seeing Aunt Whoever. Or you think to yourself no wonder Uncle So & So is so fat, the amount of food he consumes. etc.

When I get up in the morning I ask my Mom what she has planned for the day. We decide what we need to do, or want to do, and get started. I no longer think about being alone, or wonder about my finances. I try not to think about how shitty I feel, or how much my life has changed living with FMS for the last 21 yrs. I just try to take each moment as it comes. I used to be one of the worlds worst worriers. I worried about everything, good or bad. Now I just have this "I could give a shit" feeling most of the time. I change the things I have control over, and I've learned to deal with the things I can't control.

By 6 pm it was time to say goodbye. None of the kids wanted to leave yet. But they were going to be up early the next day, and they needed their rest. As we stood in the driveway I said, "Why don't the kids stay over night and I'll drive them home tomorrow". Michael, the oldest at 14 years old thought that was a great idea. The two younger kids wanted to stay, but they knew they'd be homesick, so they went home with their mom and dad. Mike and my Mom and I spent most of the early evening playing cards. Later in the evening we watched the video of "A River Runs Through It". My mom crashed at midnight, but Mike wanted to play another game of cards. He and I turned in around 1 am.

We spent yesterday morning over to the beach. We have a spot where we can watch the cargo ships and the cruise ships go out to sea. We hung out there for a while, then we drove up along A1A (which follows the ocean). We took Mike up to Jupiter so he could see the newly refurbished Jupiter Lighthouse. Then we stopped at The Cracker Barrel for lunch. When we got Michael home we were given a tour of their new apartment. Once the tour was done I spent the rest of the afternoon working on computers. The kids already had one used computer that my oldest brother Mark had given them last year. When they were here visiting Sunday I gave them a used computer that had been mine. I went from one kid's bedroom to the other adding new programs to one computer, and trying to de-bug the other computer. I had some success with the one computer, but I'm afraid the one I used to own is having a near death experience.

By 6 pm we were all starving so we went out for dinner. After dinner it was time to end our visit and head home. Everyone who knows me personally knows my driving style. Get me on and Interstate and I'm usually the one driving in front! (lol) Mom and I got on the highway at 7 pm and headed south for home. I was cruising down the Interstate around 80 mph (give or take 5 mph) when this Nissan came whizzing by me. My Mother commented that if they were passing me they were going too fast. Just then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a State Trooper making a U-turn in the median and coming my way. Knowing that brake lights are a dead give away, I turned off my speed control and let the car coast back to the speed limit (70 mph). The trooper blew by me seconds later and pulled the Nissan over a half mile ahead of me.

My Mom and I drove on by the Nissan and I kind of smiled to myself at my good fortune. About 100 miles down the road good fortune smiled upon my again. I had just come into the West Palm Beach city limits when this car pulled in front of me from the far right lane. The car turned out to be another State Trooper. He nailed the guy to my left. I'm amazed I didn't get it that time. The man he pulled over had been driving the same speed as I was at the time. It was then that my Mom asked me, "you ARE driving the speed limit aren't you?" I gave her an evil grin and said, "I am NOW". (lol)