June 1, 2005
When I first got online 10 years ago, I felt the most important thing was to receive an award for my website. I worked and worked, just hoping to be recognized....by anyone. Eventually I did start to receive awards. After 5 or 6 years they began to pour in. At one point I had around 12 pages of awards. Then I realized it wasn't important at all. In fact it seemed kind of childish to want recognition from others. I seem to have spent most of my life wanting any kind of recognition.
So I disassembled my awards pages. Years went by and I never gave it another thought. Then one night I received an award...totally out of the blue. Since I hadn't applied for this award I decided to post it to my site. I even had to make an awards page again just for this award. Then I got a few more awards. The desire was back again.
But a few months went by before I decided to start applying for awards again. Unlike the first time, I decided to apply for awards that were harder to come by. I might as well had applied for the moon with the luck I've had. I've lost track, but I think 5 of the 6 awards I applied for have told me "thanks but no thanks". When I received the first rejection I was hurt. After the second rejection I was mad. Then by the time I'd gotten the 5th rejection I realized again just how stupid and petty awards are. Afterall I know I have a good website, what do I care what total strangers think of me?
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