As Misty's World Turns - November 2002


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Nov. 1, 2002

Today reminds me of a typical day in northeast Pa., very cloudy and dismal. However it's hot here, and not cold as it would be in Pa. Still, I miss the sun, and cloudy days not only make me ache more, but they also make me think more...which can be good or bad.

I miss Bill. I miss his laughter, his warmth, his love, and his company. It seems like eons since his death, instead of just a month next Tuesday. I still haven't made much progress mainstreaming back into a normal life. I have about 2 people that I feel comfortable with. I'm still not up to dealing with most people. They either ask too many questions, or make me more depressed, so I try to avoid people in general. I just try to take things one day at a time, and try not to dwell on the past, or the future.

Nov. 3, 2002

My Mom and I have just returned from a democratic campaign rally in downtown West Palm Beach. Being in a wheelchair DOES have it's advantages! While everyone else waited for hours in line to be seated in outer Mongolia, my Mom and I had front row seats, in front of the elected officials. We heard some great speaches, and I'm even more convinced that Bill McBride is Florida's only hope.

But the real reason we went this morning was to see and hear former President Clinton. He gave a wonderful speach, and I found myself totally absorbed by what he had to say. It's funny how different people look on and off television. He always seemed so fat to me on TV, while in person he's very slim....and DAMN good looking I might ad. If only I'd been a White House Page in a former life! (lol) When the speaches were finished both McBride and President Clinton began to shake hands and talk to people. The closer he came towards us, the more the crowd started to shove and push. At one point I was knocked off my feet. If it hadn't been for the enormous crowd around me I probably would have hit the ground. But there were so many people around us I was able to get my footing again.

Then the moment came when I was face to face with President Clinton, shaking his hand, and telling him how much I missed him as my President. He shook my Mom's hand as well, and held her arm. It's been a long time since we've had a President that I feel has cared about the little people in this country. Bill Clinton, in my opinion, was that kind of man. Meeting him, and shaking his hand today, has been a real thrill for me, and one I'll never forget.

Nov. 28, 2002

What is there about holidays that depress me so much? I guess it's the loss of the people I love. It seems like my list of lost loved ones gets longer each year. Another perk of living another year I guess. I think about those who held a special place...(and still do)...in my heart quite often. Only about 100 times a day to be exact. But it's when the holidays come that their loss seems so profound to me. I guess it hits me harder on holidays because it's just another reminder that life as I knew it, ceased to exist with their loss of life.

This year Christmas day will seem just that more strange and empty to me with the loss of my dear friend Bill. When my father died, Christmas lost alot of its appeal for me. No longer would my Dad come in at the crack of dawn to wake us up...saying.."Santa's been here, let's go see what he brought." There would be no more open arms to rush into. Nor would I hear the ever present football games on the TV, while my Mom make Christmas dinner. I miss my Dad everyday, in every way. Until you've lost a parent, you'll never fully understand the depth of the loss. I hope for you, you never have to know that feeling.

This year Christmas will also seem different because Bill won't be here. To me, Christmas isn't just celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, but celebrating the birth of Bill Kenney too. I remember when we first met how sad I was to hear his birthday was Christmas day. I remember saying to him how he'd gotten ripped off in the present catagory...only getting gifts once a year, as apposed to everyone else's twice a year. I joked with him and said "from now on we'll celebrate your birthday in July. That way you'll have 2 times a year to recieve gifts instead of just once." I remember he laughed and said he agreed, and it was a deal. Now it will be another holiday that will seem not quite right.

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