As Misty's World Turns - September 1997


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Sept 1, 1997

It's hard for me to believe that it's already September, my birth month! :) It's amazing how, the older you get, the faster time flies. I remember as a kid being SOooo anxious for Sept. to come, just to celebrate my birthday. You'd think that now that I'm an adult (offically), that my birthday would hold less excitement for me. I think one thing that has changed, is that I'm no longer concerned if I get a present, it's just that I've got something to celebrate. Makes no sense does it? That's me! :)

Today being Monday, I visited my Mother. It seemed odd driving over there this morning with no traffic. I'd woken up with a migraine, the same one I'd gone to bed with, and was running late. Since there were no school buses or other commuters on the road, I was still there on time. We played some cards until the stores opened and did some shopping. At lunch time we went to one of our local hangouts. There was literally a line out the door. The next place we went to was the same way. Finally we chose a new restaurant that had just opened up. Lunch was not only delicious, but cheap too! : )

Sometime early this afternoon I seemed to trade my migraine for my IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). In the last year it seems that I could count the days I feel well one hand. If it isn't one of my 18 "spots" affecting me, it's a migraine or a bout with IBS. My panic attacks are a constant for me, rarely is there a day that goes by that I don't have at least one. Most times I average between 10-30 a day, and that's ON medication. I can't imagine the hell my life would be OFF the medication. In the last few weeks I've been experiencing some strange happenings. Luckily, this is my month for my check up with my doctor. I've been trying to remember to call and make an appointment, but so far I've been unable to remember to call until after business hours. I suppose to someone that doesn't have FMS memory lapses are no big deal. It is to me. Not being able to remember the simplest thing is not only depressing, but scary.

Sept 2, 1997

Waking up at 8 am to the sound of my house being ripped apart has never been one of my favorite ways to wake up. Especially when I never got to sleep until WELL after 2 am. I had been hosting in the FMS chat room last night. At about midnight I said my goodnights. I had thought of getting right into bed, but I really wasn't sleepy enough. Instead, I sat up and finished "The Fulfillment" by LaVryle Spencer. The reason my house is being ripped apart is that we are having new gutters put on. We are also siding what parts of the house that aren't already bricked.

I've tried to concentrate on some new borders, but I'm just too tired today. I feel like the walking dead. If they would just STOP banging long enough for me to get some more sleep. I have redone a few of my borders in my free collection, as well as adding three new ones. I have several projects that need to be done, but between being so tired and the constant noise, it's hard for me to concentrate.

I've just gotten off the phone with Jausten, and already I feel more alive. There is something about her that always makes me feel better. I've only known a few other people that have had that effect on me. Now that I feel more alive, I think I'll see about some of the other projects I've been putting off.

Sept 3, 1997

I've fought with myself all evening, as to wether I was going to do my journal or not. My main impulse tonight is to find a place to crash! Unfortunately, if it's humanly possible to feel worse, I'd be shocked. The last year has been one long pain racked day after another. Usually existing on 2-4 hours of sleep. I find it increasingly difficult to stay "up" and in a good mood. This morning I'd woken up as usual, with 3 hours of sleep under my belt. I remember thinking when I heard the alarm, "oh, it's my day off." Then I felt Pres nudge me, and I knew I was only dreaming.

I went to My Mom's, it being Wednesday, and took her to the mall for her nail appointment. She's been bugging me to pick out an outfit for my birthday present. She suggested I look around the stores while she had her nails done. My first stop was at "Walden Books" as I've finished my last LaVryle Spencer book. After the bookstore I went to a few stores in search of an outfit. The ONLY thing I saw was a blouse and a pair of slacks. It wasn't one of the colors I like, (brown). It was just as well when I saw the price tag. $88 for a BLOUSE?! It wasn't even leather! (lol) As usual, I'd gone too far in my wheelchair. I looked at my watch and saw that I only had 15 minutes to make it to the nail place. I was only able to push myself a few feet at a time before I had to take a rest break. It's bad enough being in a wheelchair because you can't walk, but it REALLY bites when your arms and shoulders are such a mess that you can't even push yourself.

We eventually got back to my Mom's and spent the rest of the afternoon making Christmas cards. Normally I really get into making and coloring them, but my pain seemed to go from my head to my toes. I was SOOoo happy to see 4 pm come so I could go home. I got in the car, shoved in a terrific CD and started on my way home. It was just lovely outside, the sun was out, the humidity down a bit. I'm looking at the cows hanging out in the fields when all of a sudden, this JERK in front of me slams on his breaks! I though, ok, something's run out in front of him. OHhhh NOOoo....he just wants to be an...A Hole! I realized it when he'd slam on his breaks, then look at me in his rear view mirror. For the next 10 MILES this was his pattern. The more he did it the madder I got. At one point he'd slam on the breaks and I'd lay on the horn. We flipped each other the "Bird", SEVERAL times! By the time I got to a passing zone I was so mad I was shaking. The first chance I got, I passed him. Luckily for me, there were no cops around, as I got the car up to 80mph (in a 45mph zone). Once I'd gotten away from him I could feel my stress levels begin to relax a bit. But it was too late, the damage had already been done. I could already feel my pain getting more severe, and by the time I got home I was a mess

Sept 5, 1997

Yesterday I felt so miserable that I just didn't have the energy to do my journal. Although I'm not feeling any better today, (worse in fact), I decided what the hell, what have I got to loose? I woke up this morning even more tired than usual. I'd finally been able to get to sleep at about 2 am, with the alarm going off promptly at 5:45 am. All in all, my lack of sleep last night was worth it.

I'd been terribly depressed and discouraged yesterday. I tried to nap, but wasn't able to due to constant banging by the men siding my house. Not to mention Jack barking every time he heard a noise. After lying down for about a half hour I gave up and got back online. I talked Jausten and Othello and felt a little better by dinner time. By the end of the evening I was depressed all over again. Just when I had given up hope, Jausten asked if she could phone me. YES! I told her. We talked for probably 3-4 hours, (since it was HER money I didn't watch the clock...lol). She got me laughing so hard that I was sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. Other than my husband, she is the best friend that I have ever had. She is always there for me, and knows me better than most people. She's one of the few people that can "read" me through an e-mail or an ICQ message. It's funny, the things that brought us together were my Gem Awards (which I no longer accept applications for) and my FMS information site. Of all the things we talk about, FM is on the bottom of the list. Oh sure, we piss and moan to each other when needed, but we seem to have more than that in common.

Today turned out to be a VERY long day. My Mom and I drove to Commerce Ga. today to hang out at the "Pottery". Although it was a gorgeous day for an hour drive (each way), my pain levels were too high to enjoy it. Normally I'm able to push myself in my wheelchair if I don't have to deal with inclines. Today, just moving my arms was shear hell. We spent the majority of the day raoming around the Pottery, looking at baskets, etc. On the way home we decided to splurge and stop at Wendy's for a Frosty. We got home shortly before it was time for me to make the half hour ride home. The traffic was brutal on the way to my house, and for once I never got online once I'd gotten to the house. Instead, I fed the dog, fed the fish in our two tanks and collapsed on the couch. That's where Pres found me when he got home a few minutes later. Since I hate to cook, and I normally feel too miserable to attempt it, we'd planned on going out for dinner. I always do the driving. As much as I love Pres, his driving makes me NUTS. He knew I was sick when he asked if I was ready to go, and I responded with..."Only if you drive."

We went to a nice, quiet place for dinner, and before too long I ended up crying through my meal. Normally my pain levels are high, but bearable. The last "good day" I experienced was the first part of January. Each day, it seems that I get worse and worse. Jausten and I both question the info that claims that FM is NOT a degenerative disease. How can that be true when neither of us gets any better? Lately, the pain has just been incredible. It is increasingly harder than ever to keep a positive attitude. I want it be done with. I'm just so tired.

Sept 6, 1997

What a sad day it has been for the residents of England, and the world in general. A wonderful, caring, compasionate woman has been laid to rest. Princess Diana. I woke up and turned on the TV, like most of the people in the world did this morning, and watched the funeral of Princess Diana. I sat there with tears streaming down my cheeks, as though I'd lost my own sister. My heart goes out to her two handsome sons and to her family. She was a tremendous person and as Elton John so eloquently put it..."Your candle burned out long before, your legend ever will."

The rest of the day I'd been kind of preoccupied by the funeral, and the grief I'd witnessed this morning. It wasn't until I got online, that I was able to block it out of my mind a bit. I designed some graphics I'd agreed to do for some people, as well as answering my mail. I'd received the nicest letter from my friend Sam. She was concerned about me after reading my mail to her last night, and after reading my journal entry. Not only did her mail make me feel better, it made me smile. : ) Thanks for being here for me Sam!

This evening I got a message from Jausten asking who was going to phone who tonight (LOL). Since she'd called last, and has more mouths to feed than I do, I called her. We talked for 2 hours as we both worked in Paint Shop Pro together. I love teaching people graphics, and since we both like to work on the computer as we talk on the phone, I've been able to help her quite a bit. I am amazed at the quality of her work in just the short time I've known her. I'm sure the best is yet to come from Jasuten. Another thing I'm sure of is I don't know how I'd make it throught the day without either phoning her, or messaging her. She has become as vital to me as food and water.

Sept 8, 1997

Today has been a day for ups and downs for me. I woke at the normal time, having gotten a few more hours of sleep than normal. Went to my Mom's, it being Monday and all. We spent the morning going to Wal-Mart, Sam's Wholesale Club for groceries, and Publix for even MORE groceries. We'd grabbed a burger and some fries for lunch and headed back to her house. I only had a half hour at her house before it was time for my 3 month check up at the doctor's.

This is the up and down part. I'd gotten to the Dr.'s office and found that I'd GAINED a pound, (which bites). We started talking about the internet. : ) He knows I'm an addict, and he saves all of his questions for our visits. (lol) After 10 minutes of computer chat I decided to steer the conversation back to my FMS. :) He was concerned that I'm rapidly declining and asked if I wouldn't PLEASE go back on the FM medications. I in turn, asked him PLEASE can't I go on more medicine for my ever present panic attacks. I had decided to ask my doctor if he would help me get disability benefits. We've talked about it before, but I'd never decided to go for it. As usual, I won out on my two points. (lol) He also said that he would "sign and fill out anything necessary" to get disability.

After having that out of the way, I decided to ask what his new drug of choice was for my FM. He gave me a name, (which I've forgotten, but it's written down...somewhere) which I hadn't heard before. He said, "go home, look it up on your drug data base, and let me know next month when you come in, if the side effects are something you can deal with." I'd agreed to look it up, and asked what the drug's original use had been for. (most FMS drugs are for other illnesses, and have only recently been found to take the edge off *some* FM patient's pain levels) He told me this drug was initially used as an anti-depresant, like most FM drugs, but it has also been used to curb SMOKING! "Wait just a sec...I know where this is leading." I said. He just grinned at me. He's tried for years to get me to quit smoking, unsuccessfully I might add. I said to him, "don't even think about that shit. Smoking and sex are the only two things I can still do that I enjoy, and I'm not even entertaining the idea of quitting." (lol) His responce was..."I love it when you talk dirty to me." (rotfl)

I'd gotten a pleasant surprise when I got home. Preston was out on a ladder painting the windows. I sat down and recounted my visit with my doctor. He laughed and said you definitely have a great relationship with him. : ) I was kinda bummed at the thought of going back on medication after a year off of it, but his being willing to help me with the disability forms made it better. I was still in a pretty good mood when I'd gotten online and looked at my first letter. It was from my friend Sam, and she'd thanked me for mentioning her in my journal. I belive when you have great freinds you should let them know you appreciate them. After I had responded to her, I went into my other e-mail account. I'd had some random mail, and then I had a letter from another...friend. We'd gone through some pretty rough times last night in a chat room and to be honest, her letter left me feeling very sad and upset. I was just about ready to bag the rest of my mail when I saw I'd received a "virtual meal". Seeing as though I hadn't eaten dinner yet, this intrigued me. It turned out to be the best looking chocolate cake I've ever seen. Trust me on this, I've seen LOTS of 'em. The only thing nicer than the picture was the letter attached. This present was courtesy of my friend Eve. She had written the loveliest letter I think I've ever received. It was so nice I sat here with tears in my eyes as I read it. Thankfully Eve was able to restore my mood back to where it had been earlier today.

Sept 9, 1997

This image is for Jausten's mother. Late yesterday her mother suffered a stroke. I found out about it around 10 pm EDT. I immediately messaged Jausten and asked what I could do for her. She was on the phone for quite some time notifying family members. When her calls had all been completed I phoned her. I'm not sure how long we talked, for once I didn't watch the clock. I only knew that my best friend was hurting and I needed to be there for her. I ask you to please pray for Jausten's mother, and also for Jausten and her family members, as they go through this trying time in their lives. Thanks : )

I'd gotten to bed last night around 2 am. I had tried not to wake Pres when I'd come in, but I wasn't very successful. He rolled over and asked if I was just coming to bed. I answered yes, that Jausten's mom had suffered a stroke and that I had been on the phone talking to Jausten. He said he was sorry to hear that Jausten had yet another thing to deal with in her life. I didn't realize until I got online this afternoon, that Pres had talked to Jausten this morning via the PC. I'm glad he was able to talk to her and cheer her up a little. He and Jausten are two of the most special people in my life, and it's so nice to know that they like each other.I've talked to Jausten a little bit this afternoon. She is coping as well as can be expected.

My feelings seem to be kind of up and down again today. I received a phone call from a man the other night. He is the manager for a up and coming band here in Greenville. I'd done the graphics for their first CD cover a few months back. He called to ask if I would be interested in doing a web page for the band. I was elated, and said, YES, of course I'd love to! I also got a call from a friend of mine here in town. We'd met some years ago on the CB radio and have been friends ever since. He'd called to see if I would like to go out for lunch today. Since it's literally been months since we'd seen each other I said, YES!! Kenny is quit a guy. He never ceases to keep me smiling and laughing, and he was just what I needed today. We met at 12:30 pm at Quincey's. Once we'd gotten a table and our food we started in telling jokes. Now that I've become a computer ADDICT I'm no longer on the CB radio anymore, and I miss alot of the jokes I used to hear. Kenny was getting me up to date on some of them, not to mention some TRULY raunchy ones! (grin) I was laughing so hard the tears were coming down my cheeks. After a 2 hour lunch, we walked/rolled out to the parking lot and vowed to do this more often. He got on his motorcycle and drove off to get some much needed rest before he made his run to Ohio tonight, and I came home and got online.

Sept 10, 1997

What a long day it's been with only 3 1/2 hours of sleep! Pres and I had been invited to watch a local band (that I'll be doing some web work for) play. The band went on at 9 pm. The club was pretty empty, and the A/C must have been on high. I have a backpack on my wheelchair. In it I keep a bottle of water, my gloves, and a blanket. I learned a long time ago, it doesn't pay for me to get cold. I asumed the A/C would be cold so I'd dressed appropriately, wearing a long sleeved sweatshirt, pants, socks and sneakers. We hadn't been there more than a few minutes when I began to get cold. I hate having to bundle up, especially out in public, but if I get too cold, I don't move for days. As usual, I got a few stares from the other members of the club as I wrapped up in the blanket. I'd like to think that someday I'll get used to people staring at me, but I highly doubt it. The band was good, that is if you're a "blues" lover. Personally, it's not my thing, but they did have a few songs that I have to admit tapping my foot to. : ) We got home around 11:30 pm. Pres went right off to bed, I on the other hand was wired. I stayed up FAR too long, but to be honest I still wasn't really tired at 2 am.

I tried sneaking into the bedroom, as to not wake Pres. For once I was successful. I got under the covers, found a semi-comfortable spot and had ALMOST fallen asleep when I got an elbo to one of my sore spots in my shoulder. It was like someone had stuck a knife in me and was turning it ever so slowly. I remember groaning in pain, Pres saying..."I'm sorry hon." Again I was ALMOST asleep when he got me in the hip, you guessed it, another sore spot. This time it hurt even worse than when he'd gotten me in the shoulder. This was to be the pattern for the rest of the night. Upon waking, I seriously felt like someone had beaten me up. How I ever got to my mom's today is beyond me. I honestly don't remember the half hour drive at rush hour this morning. What I do remember was having to color her hair today. I'd been promiseing to do it for her for weeks. As much as I didn't feel up to it, I also knew I wouldn't feel up to it for some time to come, and decided to just bite the bullet and get it over with.

Monday when I'd gone to the doctors, he'd told me of a new drug to look up in my drug data base. He wants to put me on this stuff next month when I go back to see him. I THINK NOT! Last night I had decided to try and find it listed. I got lucky and found it on my first try. (I have 6 drug data bases to choose from) I can't say I was too impressed with it's list of side effects. Well, lets see....reading from my print out now...**Wellbutrin** "may cause agitation (just what I need with Panic Attacks!), dry mouth (I can live with that), headaches (something to add to my ever present migraines), tremors (now at least I'll LOOK as old as I feel..lol), excessive sweating (good for weight loss), constipation (just when I thought my Irritable Bowel Syndrome was getting better), vomiting (hey! now THIS is a plus...NOT!), dizziness or blurred vision (do they mean MORE of what I already have?). *Notify your doctor immediately if you develop any of the following* :Irregular heartbeat (NICE!), seizures." SEIZURES???????? WHAT!? Just what I need! Like I said before....I think not! The funny thing is, I sent this list to my friend Sam last night, and she said exactly what I'd been thinking as I read all of this...this is her quote: "Tell me again what this medicine is supposed to STOP????? There WAS supposed to be something beneficial in here somewhere, wasn't there? Perhaps easing the pain so you could walk better? 'Course with all the above going on, who'd want to walk anywhere - lying down and never moving again sounds much more advisable....and far safer, too." AGREED Sam!

Sept 11, 1997

After leaving the FM chat room last night, I decided I needed to talk to someone without FM. I find that when I'm around other people, I tend to pick up their mood at the time. As much as I enjoy the FM chat room, where I am a host, it can be kind of depressing some nights. I went into FreeTel looking for my friend Dave, but he wasn't on. Just as I was about ready to go I received a call from a guy who looked interesting. As it turned out, he was. I had a terrific time talking to him and he kept me laughing non-stop. I must have been laughing kind of loudly, because at 3 am our bedroom door opened and Pres emerged. He looked at me with squinty eyes, as I had all the lights on in the computer room, which is across the hall from our bedroom. I was tired, Pete, the man I'd been talking to was tired, and Pres indicated that it was his turn to have the PC, (lol) so I handed it over to Pres. By the time I stumbled into bed it was going on 4 am.

As much as I needed the extra rest, I was awake at 10 am this morning. Now that I am taking 4 of my panic attack pills a day instead of 3, I need to get up earlier to get them all in. I've offered to design the webpage for "#fibromyalgia", the chat room in IRC that I host in. So, once I'd had my pills and called my Mom for the day, I began work on the new page. I took a short break this afternoon and read Jausten's journal. I hadn't talked to her all that much last night and was wondering how she and her Mother were holding up. After reading her entry for today I messaged Jausten in ICQ to see how she was doing. She said she was holding up, but I could tell she was depressed, and felt frustrated that there was nothing she could do to help out her mother. I asked what I could do for her and she messaged back..."call me *g". Although I knew she was kidding, (long distance is bad enough without calling during the day) I figured what the hell, I wouldn't talk too long. I think she was surprised to hear my voice. We didn't talk too long, but I hope I was of SOME help.

Sept 13, 1997

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I'd spent most of the night before TRYING to get comfortable enough to sleep. When I'd woken up I had every intention of visiting my Mom for the day. Once I'd had my pills and my coffee, I realized I'd never be able to make it to my Mom's. I called her and canceled out for the day. At that point I rolled over and went back to sleep. I awoke to the phone ringing, but when I answered the phone no one was there. God I hate that!

The rest of the day was spent mainly in bed, either sleeping or reading. I did get online a few times to check my mail. One of the times I was online I got a message from Jausten. Once she found out how miserable I was feeling she phoned me. We talked for hours, and when we'd finished talking and hung up, mentally I felt alot better. It gets increasingly harder for me to keep a positive attitude when I'm in such horrible pain. Talking to Jausten, Dave from Pa, getting letters of support from Sam, and Eve, and being generally entertained by my friend Dan, last night on ICQ, has helped me to retain the perspective I try to achieve.

Today I have done a few small things online. I was able to get a little more sleep last night, so I'm not as fatigued as I normally am. I probably won't be online much today, as sitting really takes it out of me when I'm in such bad shape. Pres has just returned from the hardware store. He brought me a treat, he rented a movie for me to watch. So I think the rest of the day I'll be curled up on the couch with a good movie.

Sept 15, 1997

It seems that lately I've been missing alot of days in my journal. My pain levels have been through the ceiling the last few weeks. Today was very difficult for me. Mainly because I hadn't visited my Mom in several days. It seems like the longer I'm away from her, the higher my stress levels get once I do visit. My birthday is in a few weeks, and she's been determined to buy me an outfit as my present. As much as I appreciate her generous offer, and need some clothes that fit, I just can't deal with the whole process. We've been to several stores and I've yet to see an outfit I didn't think I could live without. Raising my arms just hurts too much, and I'm just not up to trying on clothes. I told her today, just get me a card, that's all I need. She wouldn't let it go at that. Finally we decided on her giving me a card, and having us to dinner to celebrate my birthday. There, now that's finally settled!

We seemed to be all over Greenville today. Either shopping for clothes or running errands. Since I've been stuck in bed for a few days, I've been unable to visit my Mom and haul her around. I sure made up for it today! I put over 200 miles on the car from the time I left the house this morning, till the time I got home. The worst of it was I still had to get my groceries. We'd been to the grocery store this afternoon, but I just didn't have the energy to push myself through one more store. When Pres got home tonight I asked if he would go with me. It sucks having to be in a wheelchair. I need help with anything that requires two hands. Since I can't push myself AND a cart, I have to drag someone with me.

I'm kind of glad I waited for Pres to go with me tonight. Strangely enough, we had a great time! I either need to get out more, or something huh? (LOL) Instead of having to push myself around, he was pushing me from behind with the cart. This saved my shoulders, it also got me going at breakneck speed too. : ) I have this way of talking with a lisp that cracks Pres up. We'd gotten to the meat counter, and I was looking for something cheap, and tasty, when I'd spotted sausages. We'd seen this show "The Kids In The Hall" once on TV where they had this old man that had a real thing for sausages. He also spoke with a lisp. Ever since, it's been kind of an inside joke between Pres and I. Well, once I saw the sausages, I couldn't help myself. I started yelling (with a lisp)..."Sausages!!! Sausages!!...I need more sausages." It was at that point I turned and saw this man looking at me like I'd just lost my last marble. Most normal people would have probably gotten HIGHLY embarrassed at that point, but then, for those that know me personally...."normal" would NOT be one of the words they'd use to describe me. (wink)

Sept 16, 1997

My day off began as it normally does, with some jerk calling and waking me long before I'm ready to get up. Once I'd hung up, I realized it was too late to go back to sleep, I was already fully awake. I'd decided to go ahead and get up and get my day going. This involves making my coffee, taking my pills, and calling my Mom. My call to my Mom could have gone better. She was upset with me because I don't want to go on a vacation alone with her. I tried explaining to her that my panic attacks go into high gear when I leave town. Anyplace new will trigger them. She doesn't understand how horrible panic attacks can be. Mine take shape in the form of heart attack symptoms. Terrible chest pain, numbness in my arms, legs and face, etc. NOT FUN.

This afternoon I made some new borders to add to my collection, and talked to a few friends on ICQ and FreeTel. The big event of the day was phoning the Social Security office and inquiring about the steps necessary to get disability. Although I have been sick with FMS for the last 19 years, I've never before attempted to apply for disability. This has surprised alot of friends, who had thought I had disability all along. At first, the woman I spoke to was not what I would call the most pleasant. When I asked if they would send me the necessary forms she let me know in no uncertain terms that THAT was not how it worked. (how was I to know?) So I played her game and went along with her. She asked me several questions and told me that Pres made too much money to qualify for one of the 2 types of disability. She did say however, that I was eligible for the other type of disability. At this point she was a LITTLE nicer, but could have used some improvement. The improvement came when she asked what my disability was. I told her "I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome", expecting the usual responce....what's that? Instead she said..."where did you find a good doctor? That's what I have." It kind of took me back for a second.

I said to her, I'm going to give you an address, write to these people, tell them where you are, and they will send you a FREE doctor referral sheet for your area. I explained to her that I was a host in the Fibromyalgia chat room, and that was how I had this information. She said that she used to go in there, and now that she'd talked to me, she'd go back. At this point you'd thought we were old friends, and she'd become very nice to me. (LOL) She asked if I would rather have a phone interview or go to the Social Security office in person. I told her since I'm in a wheelchair, it would be much more convenient to do a phone interview. So, I have an important phone call Thursday morning at 9:30 am. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it. It's a proven fact that getting disability with FMS is VERY difficult. Of all of the people I know with FM on disability, (at least in the states) they have ALL had to hire an attorney. The normal process is to submit your application, be denied, then submit another application. This also is denied. After your 3rd denial, then you seek legal assistance. The main reason I've never tried to get disability before is I can't deal with conflict, it makes my FM even worse than normal. I'm both psyched and scared to death, all at the same time.

Sept 17, 1997

What a long and fruitless day this has been. I'm beginning to wonder if I've done the right thing by applying for Social Security Disability. I spent a half hour fighting with the office personnel at my doctor's office this morning. I was trying to obtain a copy of my medical records, but with no luck. They gave me this song and dance that an independant company came in on Fridays to copy patient medical records for them. Naturally I wanted the copy of my records by tomorrow. I'm trying to establish that I've suffered from FM for the last 19 yrs. to get disability, but right now I can only document it as far back as the summer of '85. Not good.

After fighting with the office personnel, I dropped my Mom off at the mall for her bi-monthly nail appointment. While she was getting her nails done, I stopped by the beauty supply store to grab a perm for myself. The beauty supply houses here, allow you to buy stuff like shampoo, etc without a cosmetology license. To purchase permanents, hair color and straighteners, you are required to possess a license. I am licensed in both Pa, and NY state. You'd think as often as I buy stuff in that store that they would begin to recognize me. Afterall, how many licensed hairdressers are there that come in either on a cane, or in a wheelchair? (lol) EVERY time I go in there to buy merchandise I get the third degree that I have to be a licensed hairdresser. That's when I whip out my license. I love to see their expression at that point, it's always the same. First they look at the license, then at me, then back at the license. : ) Most of the time I have to explain to the lady at the register that yes, I am a licensed hairdresser, but I no longer DO hair. Then I have to give them a detailed explanation as to what is "wrong with me."

Once I'd gotten the perm, I'd gone back to the mall to wait for my Mom to finish with her appointment. I'm a people watcher, let's face it, when you can't walk or partake in any sports, what's left? So I sat and watched people for the next hour. Exciting huh? I remember when I first became disabled how amazed and shocked I was at the questions I got from TOTAL strangers about my medical problems. Anything from.."What's wrong with YOU?"...to...."Wow, what happened to you?". Then there is my favorite one..."Can you still have sex?" WHAT???????? I'm sorry, I fail to see where that's anyone's business except mine and my spouse's. After 19 years, I think I've heard them all. As usual, while I was sitting in my wheelchair waiting on my Mom, I was asked questions from numerous strangers. Actually, if the questions have SOME merit, I don't mind answering them. I have this delusion that the more people know about FMS, possibly the more money will be funded for vital research. What I can't abide are open stares from people, or even worse, the shitheads that automatically treat anyone in a wheelchair like they are a blithering idiot/vegetable. People in wheelchairs are like anyone else. We eat, sleep, pay our taxes, buy merchandise in stores, etc. We just aren't able to walk, for one reason or another. Speaking solely for myself, I don't want to be treated any better, or worse than a "normal" person.

Well, I see that as usual, I've gotten WAY off track again. Once I get up on my soap box, it's hard to get back down. (lol) The rest of my day went fairly well. After some shopping for the necessities, you know...cigarettes and water...we arrived at my Moms to spend the rest of the afternoon playing board games. The drive home was uneventfull for a change, and once I'd gotten home, fed the fish in our 2 fish tanks, and fed Jack, Pres came home. We went out to a new restaurant for dinner. It seems that most of our money goes for meals out. It's not only difficult for me to cook, I hate cooking! Pres likes to cook, but between you and I, *some* of his meals have left alot to be desired. (LOL) Usually when we finish a meal he's cooked, he will ask me..."would you eat this again?" In most cases my reply is....um...no? : )

Sept 18, 1997

Well, round one in my quest for Social Security Disability has concluded. I awoke with the alarm at 8 am, wanting to be fully awake when I received my phone interview call at 9:30 am. I did a few things, trying to distract myself until the alloted time. Just as my watch hit 9:30, the phone rang. All went well except for a question as to whether I worked in 1986. Apparently they had no record of my filing an income tax form that year. As I was on the phone, I was able to retrieve my copy from that year. I explained to the lady on the phone that the reason they didn't have a record of my W-2 form, was because being self employed that year, I didn't HAVE one. I'm to send my income tax records for that year, and a notorized birth certificate to them along with the forms they'll be sending me. So, looks like I passed round one....they're sending the forms!

I'm not sure I'm going to deal well with this whole disability process. The stress I've been under just to see if they were going to send me the stupid forms has already taken it out of me. Of course, the fact that I was on FreeTel till 3 am this morning talking to Jausten, then waking at 8 am doesn't help I suppose. Still, once the phone call was over, and I'd spoken to my Mom for the day, I immediately collapsed into bed again. At 2 pm, I'm just now waking up for the second time today. I'm just not sure how well I'm going to deal with all of this. One of the main factors of FMS is stress. The more we endure, the worse it effects our FMS. I'm sure, from what I've read and heard from other's, that this process is going to be one of the most stressful things I've ever done.

Just now getting off the phone from talking to Preston, and already I'm crying due to the stress levels. This is going to be VERY difficult for me. All he did was to complain that he had to write my letter to Pa. (in a fax) asking for them to send me a notorized version of my birth certificate, and it's reduced me to tears. I've never faxed a damn thing before, so I didn't know I was sposed to write an actual letter, instead of the note I'd left out for Pres. I haven't even been denied disability, and already I'm at the end of my rope..stress wise. How am I ever gonna get through this all?

Sept 19, 1997

Lord, am I stuffed! We've just gotten home from dinner (at almost 9 pm). I hate cooking and I'm not too fond of Pres's cooking, so we eat out...ALOT. Tonight we tried a new place. If you like country music, and walking through peanut shells, you'll love THIS place. : ) (As Pres said to me in his southern drawl...they have BOTH kinds of music, Country AND Western!) (LOL) Personally, I'm not a great fan of Country & Western music. Give me some good ole drug music from the 60's through the mid 70's ANY day! But to give this place it's due, the food was terrific, (they make their own potato chips) and the prices for that side of town were fairly reasonable. Not to mention terrific service. Chances are, since I can get into the smoking section in my wheelchair, that we'll be back. :)

I think Fridays must be the easiest day for me to deal with out of the whole week. I guess it's the knowledge that I have Pres to myself for two whole days, before I go back to visit my Mom again. Another possible reason for my fairly upbeat mood is that I'm now 10 yrs. younger. That is, IF you believe my mother. (LOL) Ok, I'll explain. I decided that not only are my arms and shoulders kaput these days, but my mood definitely needed a boost. So, I got my hair cut and permed. It's been ages since I've had a perm. I think one of the reasons it's been so long, is the ordeal it is to GET one. Since my Mom is also a former hairdresser, we do each other's hair. The only down side to this is bending over the sink several times. After much hair pulling and swearing,(my hair is VERY stubborn) I emerged curly. Actually it was curly and POOFY! Not EXACTLY what I had in mind. I tried various styles, but with no success. Finally, with 20 minutes to go before I left for home, she cut it again for me. Now it looks perfect....short, and VERY curly. I can kiss the blow dryer good-bye for a few months now!

Now on to my current saga....Social Security Disability. I got home and saw that I had received the long awaited "forms". Actually it was three separate forms, and a denial for SSI. I wasn't too shocked with my denial. I knew that Pres made more money than was acceptable. Being the addict that I am, I only glanced at the forms, on my mad rush to get online. I read enough to see that it's definitely something I'm not filling out alone. I spoke to my doctor a few weeks ago, when I saw him last. He'd agreed to "sign and fill out anything necessary for you to get disability". So, first thing Monday morning I'm going to see when I can get in with him. I'm hopng that between the two of us, we can come up with a good argument for my need of disability. For some reason I think that fact that I can no longer walk, sit for a prolonged period of time, bend, stand for any length of time, dress myself on bad days, or exercize what so ever, will be enough to satisfy the Social Security Administration.

Oh, and by the way.......the clock is ticking!! Only 10 more days to go! : )

Sept 20, 1997

I've spent the last 3 hours going over my disability forms, trying to remember everything that has happened to me in the last 19 years. There are some things I do have paper work on. But SOOOoo many things that I don't have documentation of. This is even more difficult because of my short term memory loss. I have vague memories of seeing doctors, but I have no idea when, or where it took place. I also have some memory of all of the medications I've taken in the last ten years, but I'm not sure WHO prescribed them, or the start and stop dates. Most of the questions, I will ask my doctor to help me with. But, for the personal parts of this form, I'm at a loss. I've spent an hour turning this house upside down searching for a copy of a medical record I had (just Monday), that I now can not find. Pres says I shouldn't let this all get to me. Easy for him to say. He HAS an income, and isn't dependant upon someone else for money. Although there is little that he tells me I can't spend money on, there is one topic that we do not agree on. Namely, hiring a maid to clean this house. If I had my own money, then I could do as I damn well pleased in this reguard.

I think the more FM'ers who can get disability, the more credible we will become in the eyes of our friends, family members, and the medical community. By being able to prove to the Social Security Administration that yes we ARE sick, and disabled, the more OTHER people will realize what a shitty disease FMS really is and treat us like anyone else with a REAL disease or illness. For so many of us FM sufferers, we have been told by countless medical professionals that there is nothing "physically" wrong with us. If you've never had this experience, you've got no idea how frustrating and degrading it is!

Oh, and by the way.......the clock is ticking!! Only 10, 9 more days to go! :)

Sept 21, 1997

I can't remember ever being this clean. Normally I shower once a day, if my skin isn't too sore to touch. Yes, there are days that go by without a shower. You wouldn't take one either if your skin felt like a giant brush burn all over. So, like I said, normally I shower once a day. Today, however was a different story. :) Since yesterday had been one of those "brush burn" days, I didn't shower. When I woke up this morning I popped into the shower, even before my customary cup of coffee, and my cigarette. I amazed even Preston. :) Then I went about my normal routine, having my coffee and smokes, and calling my Mom.

We'd decided to watch a movie this afternoon, and spend some quality time together. Since the purchase of the computer, our time along together has changed significantly. So we snuggled up with a good movie, and had a great afternoon. but, the best was yet to come! *wink The movie was SOOoo good that one thing led to another...and thus my need for ANOTHER shower! :D

This evening I'm VERY relaxed. So relaxed that I've done some upkeep to my design pages. I've spent the last 3 hours redoing not only the look of my pages, but making them easier for people to "use" my borders. I'd have to say that after MY afternoon, I'm ready for Monday, bring it on!

Oh, and by the way.......the clock is ticking!! Only 10, 9, 8 more days to go! :)

Sept 22, 1997

As Mondays go, this was a pretty good one. I was still in an extra good mood when I got to my Mom's this morning, and for a change, she was too. We went to our home away from home...Wal-Mart, and then had lunch out. On the way home we stopped at the grocery store so my Mom could get a few things. Normally, if I don't need anything, I sit in the car. Once she'd gotten her groceries we were on our way back to her house. She lives exactly ten miles from the grocery store. When we'd gotten to her house I began to put away the groceries. After I'd finished with the two bags, she asked where the OTHER bags were. Other bags? I asked. Apparently she'd left a few at the store....sooooo, we got back in the car, drove ten miles BACK to the grocery store and got the bags. Then again, back to her house.

We spent most of the afternoon painting. I bought a ceramic fall wreath the other day, and was painting it to either give away as a present, or hang on my front door. Mom was painting a candle holder. As we began painting she filled me in on all the events happening in my family. Since I'm one of four kids, (the baby), there is always something going on. Weekends are normally when my siblings call my Mom. My brother Jim had called from Pa. and said that they'd had a real scare with their 7 year old this weekend. Apparently J.R. had been out playing when he'd collided with a bee and gotten stung on his nose. His nose swelled three times it's normal size, and my sister-in-law ended up taking him to the emergency room at the local hospital. Jim said, when he called my Mom, that the reaction had been so bad that the doctors had had trouble with J.R.'s heart. This gave us ALL quite a scare! This happened Friday after school, and by yesterday J.R. seemed to be just fine.

My oldest brother also called my Mom and said that his son Brian had been having some medical problems as well. Brian has Cerebral Palsy, he also has under developed glands in his arms and legs. It's not unusual for his limbs to swell with excess fluid until they are twice their normal size. They've taken him everywhere, and other than wrapping his limbs up, and possibly antibiotics, there is little that can be done. It's a shame, because the poor kid has had nothing but troubles most of his life.

On a brighter note, I was able to book an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow at noon. I'm hoping that the two of us can sort out all the questions given to me by the Social Security Administration. I'm also hoping that Penn. gets their butt in gear and sends me out a copy of my "offical" birth certificate. All the forms and B. Certificate have to mailed back in by the end of the week. So, wish me luck!

Oh, and by the way.......the clock is ticking!! Only 10, 9, 8, 7 more days to go! : )

Sept 23, 1997

I spent the majority of the day messing with this disability issue. I went to my doctor's office to get his assistance, and talk over possible treaments for my FMS. On my last visit, a few weeks ago, he had suggested I try going back on medication for my FMS. I'd looked over the side effects for this last drug of choice and had decided it was not for me. When I told my doctor today of my decision he seemed rather upset with me. He said that eventually I had to go one some sort of drug. I reminded him it was MY body, I was the one up all night puking my guts out, not him. I was the one that was in constant search of a toilet, due to terrible diarrhea, not him. I was the one that had gained over 75 lbs on medication, not him. And I was the one that was stopping! Once he saw that my mind was make up, then he said yes....medication was poison and he wished more of his patients asked to not be given medication. I still remember how miserable I felt on medication, the constant diarrhea, the migraines, the increase in memory loss and confusion, lack of concentration, AND no sex drive what so ever. Why would anyone in their right mind, stay on medication, suffer from these side effects, and only getting minimal relief from their symptoms?

My doctor was not much help with the forms. In the end, I sat at the kitchen table, by myself, as I alternatly filled in a few lines, and cried a few tears. After 3 hours, (they claim this form takes 45 mins to complete), I'd finally finished with the forms. Now it was time to make copies of everything. I hate to say it, but I no longer trust people, and I want my ass covered no matter how this turns out. After searching through town, I found a place with a copy machine. It's been almost 9 years since I've used a copier, and ended up having to ask for help. Once my copies were made, I returned home. I must have gone back over the forms 3 or 4 more times, hoping I hadn't missed some vital information.

Once I was satisfied I'd done all I could on the forms, I got on the PC to perk me up a bit. What I wanted to do was to call someone and cry my heart out to them. But no one wants to hear you constantly complain, nor is it fair to your family or friends to do so. I worked on some holiday backgrounds, with little success. I'm just so damned depressed, and I haven't even been "denied" yet. It just seems that every day is a constant struggle. A struggle to get up in the morning, and deal with more and more pain as the day goes on. A struggle to keep a positive attitude about life, when you feel like shit day after day. A struggle to do what you think is best for you, with little or no support from people you look to for support.

Sept 24, 1997

I woke up at 6 am with less than four hours of sleep under my belt. That was my fault. I'd been very depressed yesterday. Last night Jausten messaged me and asked if she could help out. I picked up the telephone and called her. We spoke for several hours. When I'd hung up the phone and crawled into bed, I noticed the clock said something like 2:30 am. Every now and then you come into contact with a few very special people. I'm lucky that I have several such people that I can call friends. Jausten is one of them. It seems when I'm at my worst, she makes me smile and laugh, and forget my troubles for a short time.

When I woke up this morning it was black and stormy outside. As much as we need the rain (we've been 2 months without a drop), I was not looking forward to the drive to my Mom's. The traffic was crawling along at a snails pace. Made worse by the extra numbers of parents carting their kids off to school. What ever happened to riding a school bus?? Anyways, not only was the traffic bad, but it was dark outside and I could barely tell where I was going. The fact that the roads were also flooded didn't help.

I spent the morning with my Mom, taking her to Wal-Mart, as I sat in the car and read. Then taking her to the hearing aid place for replacement batteries. Around 10:30 am we stopped at the Cracker Barrel for "brunch", she had lunch, and I had breakfast...seeing that I'd skipped it in order to get to her house on time this morning. Pres and I had appointments this afternoon at our dentist for cleanings. So I left my Mom's at 2 pm and drove the half hour to the dentist's office.

For a change I had a great check-up. My only problem being a tooth that I broke off two years ago last Christmas. It has never bothered me, and my dentist is such a kewl guy that he says, "just call me if it begins to bother you." Most doctors would harass you until it was repaired. I have a terrible fear of dentist's. I suppose it stems from the horrible treatment I received as a child, from our family dentist. The man I go to now is the only dentist that I've ever been to where I don't pass out from a panic attack. Not only is he very nice, but everyone that works for him is equally as nice.

Sept 25, 1997

Today has turned out to be a pretty good day. The rain has stopped, and the temperatures have dropped a little. I've always enjoyed this time of year the best. I'm not a hot weather person, and I like it when I can throw on a sweatshirt. I've spent the majority of my afternoon making new borders. I've decided to add holiday designs to my free bordered backgrounds that I give away.

I've just received a call from an old girlfriend that I had just been thinking about this week. I'm always amazed at how when you are thinking about someone, they tend to call you. She and I were never all that close, but it was nice hearing from her. We met on the CB radio, and live on opposite sides of town from each other. We share a mutual friend, and talked about him and her family, as well as my family.

Like alot of my friends, I've been kind of bummed out lately. I find that if I can surround myself with positive people, and find things to take my mind off myself, I'm alot happier. I had a nice LONG conversation with Jausten last night. She's one of those people I look for when I need someone to chear me up. I've been very fortunate to have made some very good friends. It seems like I have different friends to serve different purposes. When I need advice, cheering up, or someone to pour my heart out to I contact Jausten, Sam, or Dave. When I need someone to perk me up and get me on the right track I contact Harry, Ginkgo or Dan. Friends definitely make life worth living. Thanks guys!

Sept 26, 1997

This has been an interesting day! Here it is 11 pm and I'm now just getting a chance to write this entry. My day was rather nice...probably setting me up for my night! (lol) My Mom and I went shopping, and I was able to find 7 blouses that I liked. Most of them were on sale, so that made me feel frugal. ;)

When I'd gotten home tonight, instead of getting online, doing my mail and journal, I washed the car. It's times like that when I wonder if I've lost my last marble! I'd followed a tractor trailer truck today, and apparently his engine was messed up. I came to this conclusion because of the black soot that covered my car. My Mom had suggested I get it washed, but with it supposed to rain tomorrow, paying $15 for a car wash seemed stupid. It wasn't until I got home tonight that I got thinking that maybe that stuff all over my new car wasn't such a good idea after all. So I dragged the hose out to spray it off. Naturally, the soot was still there. This meant that I had to physically WASH the damn car. I haven't washed a car in over a year. Now that I've done it, I know WHY I don't wash cars anymore! Duhh Every bone and muscle in my body is screaming to me..."WHAT ARE YOU NUTS???" To that I answer....yup, that's me!

After dinner I got online. As I was finishing up my mail, Jausten phoned me needing some help with a graphic. We talked for an hour or so, and when we'd hung up, her graphic was beautiful. I've really enjoyed teaching her to make her own graphics. She has made amazing progress, and I can sit back and say...I taught her everything she knows! (lol) The next thing I knew I was being messaged by yet another person in need of my help. I'm the "web page doc" for the #fibromyalgia chat room in mIRC. Mike had messaged me with a few requests. It seemed simple enough until I realized that (as usual) Geocities was screwing up again tonight. After an hour working on his pages, he seems satisfied...almost, I still have one thing to do yet. So, this has been my night...."fighting fires" as Pres would call it.

As all this has been going on, I've been in the process of deleting my Advice Column. Unfortunately it wasn't the success I had hoped it would be when I set it up several months ago. Since space is at a premium for me, it had to go to make way for Christmas borders I intend to add to "Misty's Magical Designs". So now, I'm in the middle of deleting the link from ALL of my pages....about 20 or more pages total.

One very bright spot to my day was some virtual birthday presents I received from my friend Eve. She knew my birthday was at the end of this month, just wasn't sure of the date. (the 29th) She sent me a beautiful balloon arangement, and a luscious strawberry birthday cake with roses and wine! Now that's my idea of a present. : ) Thanks again sweetie!

Sept 27, 1997

Another night late with this entry. It seems like I haven't had enough hours in the day today. I've already begun to receive a few early birthday present, both online and in real life! I'm not sure which ones I like the best. Thankfully I don't have to choose. My sister sent me a gorgeous vase with morning glories on it. My oldest brother Mark, and his wife, sent me a beautiful sweater in the mail today. Of my online friends, Eve has sent me balloons, wine, roses, and a tasty strawberry torte. Sam sent me the cutest little Loris today, I've named it Sammy. :) A woman I don't think I know (memory laspe if I do) sent me a beautiful picture she'd made for me. If anyone is interested in seeing any of my online gifts, you can go to my Gift Gallery. I wish I had enough extra space to scan the off line presents I've received too, but also, no extra space.

Most of the day I've worked on and off on my Christmas designs. I did take a few hours this afternoon to chat with a special friend. I hadn't talked to Cary in many months, so receiving a call from him a few weeks ago was such a nice surprise. Ever since, we've tried to keep in touch, either in short messages, or on FreeTel. I thoroughly enjoyed my afternoon with him. I just wish there had been some way to take nourishment without having to get offline! (lol) Can you say...ADDICT?! : )

My evening has been nice and quiet. No calls, and no messages. I'm now happy to say that a week's worth of work is finished, my Christmas Designs are now up and running. Pres and I had talked about going out tonight to celebrate my birthday early. But the weather has been too cold and miserable here to attempt going out. It's just as well I suppose, we both need some time to unwind from our week.

Oh, and by the way.......the clock is ticking!! Only 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 more days to go! :)

Sept 28, 1997

I'd gotten hungry last night around midnight. After a quick search of the house, I found we had nothing to eat. I asked Pres if he was hungry, and if he'd like to go for a ride into town. He looked at me like I was nuts, but agreed to go for a ride. After throwing on some clothes, we drove into town. The only two places that were still open were Hardee's and Taco Bell. I was disappointed, I'd had my mouth all set for a double bacon cheese burger from Burger King. Seeing as I'd rather eat road kill, than subject myself to hardee's, my choice was made for me...Taco Bell. I'm not a real expert on mexican food, and had no idea what I was ordering. All I knew, what that is was food! After eating what turned out to be a taco, and a burrito, I found out why their advertisement says..."Taco Bell...run for the border". It wasn't the border I was actually running to, it was the toilet. That's simular though, isn't it? :)

After my experiance with running last night, it was rather late before I'd finally fallen asleep. I don't think I'll eat mexican food again so soon before bedtime. If it wasn't the heartburn that kept me awake, it was the pain throughout my body thanks to the FM. I slept very little. My Mom had ordered a birthday cake from the grocery store, and I was to pick it up at noon today. When I emerged from the shower I saw it was STILL raining. I'd hoped to get groceries while we at the store, but I didn't want Pres to get soaked taking care of me, the wheelchair and groceries. Instead, we just got the cake and came home before visiting my Mom for the day.

Mom was in good spirits...probably due to her beating the pants off me at "Oh Hell". (a card game) Over shrimp cocktails I opened my present from my Mom. I'd told her there was nothing I wanted, but she still said she wanted to get me something. As soon as I saw the box, I knew it was jewelry. As it turned out it was SEVERAL pieces of jewelry. A saphire necklace, earings, and a bracelet. We had a wonderful dinner, topped off by the terrific cake. Pres said something like, when I was done with what I wanted from the cake, he'd take the leftovers in to work. I THINK NOT! I told him there would be NO leftovers. I intend to eat it for breakfast and desert until it's gone. I've decided that this event only happeneds once a year (thank god) and I'm gonna enjoy everything! Diet be damned! :)

We got home around 9 pm and I immediately got online to check my mail. I'd gotten a message from Jausten in ICQ asking if Pres was still awake. When I answered yes, the phone started ringing. : ) We talked for over an hour, while her meatloaf slowly burned up I'm sure. (LOL) She has been worried about getting me a REAL present and now she's worried about not sending me a "virtual" present. I told her, that her friendship is all the present I could ask for. I don't think she realizes just how much it has meant to me, to have her as a friend. I can count the number of female friends I've had on one hand. The ones that stand out from all the rest are Jausten, Sam, Perry, Eve, and my childhood friend Cindy. With the exception of Cindy, all of my friends I've met in the last year online. I can't stress how much I think of these women.

Oh, and by the way.......the clock is ticking!! Only 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 more day to go! :)

Sept 29, 1997

It's finally here.....my birthday! I'm like a little kid this time of year. It's not that there is a thing I want, it's just the whole excitement of the day I guess. The last 24 hours have been amazing. This is by far, the best birthday I've had since my father died.

I was online last night until after 2 am this morning. I'd wanted to put some things on my main page to celebrate my birthday. While I was working, I was also talking to my friend Cary in ICQ. He was good company, kept me in stitches while I fumed at Geocities for breaking down half way through my project. He was also the first person to wish me happy birthday on my birthday. :)

I spent most of the day on the road. My Mom and I decided to drive into Georgia, to go shopping at the outlets today. Then we came home and painted. I've been painting a ceramic fall wreath, and I had wanted to finish it. Although I didn't get it finished, when 4 pm came around, I was gone! Pres had proimsed to make reservations at my favorite restaurant tonight to celebrate my birthday. I'd hoped to come home, wash my hair, redo my make-up, and get into a DRESS! That's a one time event! (lol) As it turned out, I'd come home, turned on the pc, and camped here till it was almost time to leave. I never did get to do any of the things I'd planned on. Well, I DID get into the dress. :)

When I'd gotten home from my Mom's I noticed that I had a full mailbox. I have two accounts, and had gone to my private account first. That's the ones my friends use when they write to me. Jausten had sent me a notice that she had a gift for me. I clicked on the link and was transported into her website. She'd made me my very own page, complete with a wonderful message. As I read it, the tears were streaming down my face. It really touched me. When Pres came home, his reaction after reading it was..."WOW!".

The next mail I got was from my friend Sam. She'd already sent me my cuddly little "Sammy", so I was surprised to see MORE from her. She had sent me a combination birthday card/horoscope, not to mention a "crystal ball" to click on and receive my fortune. Sam is someone that I've grown to think VERY much of in a very short time. I look forward to the day we can actually meet! I'd also received a card from another friend of mine....Dan. Not to mention cards and letters from some people I don't even know, which was nice.

This evening I'm not only stuffed beyond comfort....from a fabulous dinner of Salmon done Oscar style (my fav!), but also VERY relaxed and happy. Due in no small part by a mixture of "desert", and my "present", both from Preston. Ah yes, life IS good! Thank you EVERYONE for making this a perfect day for me! I love you all!

Sept 30, 1997

I was awoken in an unusual manner this morning. Last night I'd shut the ringer off the bedroom phone, thinking I'd get to sleep in this morning. Around 7:15 am I thought I heard ringing. I did, it was the kitchen phone ringing. Since it's a wee bit too early for salepeople to be calling, I thought I'd better answer it. I'm awfully glad I did. It turned out to be my Sister-in-law calling to have her 3 kids sing me happy birthday. :)

After all the excitement of yesterday, today has been very quiet. Which is nice! As much as I loved getting all my cards and flowers the past few days, it has stressed me out to some extent. I've spent the majority of the day working on some new awards, for My friend Sam to give away. I can only think of one other thing I enjoy more than doing graphics...*wink.

Tonight I'm going to relax, and get online to do some chatting. I seem to go in stages. Sometimes I can't find enough people to chat with. Other times I'd just as soon not be bothered. Since I've used up what creativity I have today, chatting seems like a good way to pass my evening.

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