chap31

Shawn held her close as he continued to press his lips up against hers. Belle felt herself losing control of herself but suddenly she put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him away.
"Belle..." he said, startled by his own actions.
"How dare you?" she whispered, her fingers resting on her lips where she could still feel his kiss.
"I didn't plan on doing that" he answered, stumbling around for a good answer. She stared up at him in the moonlight and Shawn saw her falter. He knew the kiss had gotten to her as much as it had gotten to him.
"What right did you have to do that?" she asked, pushing her anger to cover her shock.
"Belle, I think I did have the right to" he answered. "If you can tell me...if you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you felt absolutely nothing when I kissed you...that it was something that you regret....then I will gladly walk away and pretend that this never happened" Belle opened her mouth to answer and then paused. Again, she tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. Shawn watched her carefully as she struggled before she turned away from him.
"Belle?" he asked, concerned, as he reached out to touch her arm. But this time she didn't pull away.
"I can't" she whispered.
"What?" he asked.
"I can't" she repeated. "I...I can't pretend that I didn't feel anything when I did"
"You did?" he whispered.
"Yeah" she said. "Just how I feel something everytime you look at him...when you say certain things to me...or even when you touch me"
"Then Belle..." he said, trying to look at her face but she kept turning away. "Why are we fighting this?" She paused before she answered him and he wrapped his arms around her from behind. She didn't pull away and Shawn was comforted in this small detail.
"Because, Shawn, it wouldn't work" she said.
"Why Belle?" he asked. "Why should we stay apart when we want to be together"
"Too many people don't want it to happen" she said.
"What?" he asked. "Who?"
"Mimi is in love with you and she's my best friend" she said. "I can't do that to her. What would our parents say, Shawn? What about our friends? It's just too complicated"
"Hold up" he said, when she paused to take a breath. "First of all, I don't think our parents would be angry with us. In fact, I think they saw it coming all along. Second, why would our friends not be happy if they saw that we were happy?"
"It would just be so hard Shawn" she said, wrapping her arms around herself to protect from the cool breeze that blew off the ocean.
"But Belle, wouldn't it be worth it?" he asked.
"Yeah" she answered quietly, staring out into the waves. He waited for her to continue talking but it remained silent between them. With every passing second he feared that she would walk away from him and his feelings and his heart pounded heavily in his chest. Finally, he couldn't take the wait any longer.
"Belle, what are you thinking?" he asked, quietly.
"That I'm scared" she answered.
"Why are you scared?" he asked, afraid to push her too far.
"Because I'm so afraid of losing you" she answered.
"How would you be losing me by us getting together?"
"If we get together, we run the risk of falling apart" she explained. "I already lost you once when you went to boarding school. Shawn, I was devastated when you left. And I was so excited when I found out you were coming back but you came back so changed that I thought I had lost you completely. Slowly, we found our way back together but now that we've become so close again, I can't lose you."
"But I still don't understand" he said. "Why would you lose me?"
"If we start, like, going out or something we run the risk of breaking up" she said. "Chances are, it won't be a pretty break-up. And I would lose you again. I can't handle that again, Shawn. I'd rather have you as just a friend than have the possibility of having you as a boyfriend and then losing you"
"Belle, I can promise you that that wouldn't happen" he said. "I can't lose you either. I need you in my life. But I think this is something we should at least try. We could be missing out on the greatest experience of our lives just because of fear. And I do think it would be something great"
"I do too" she said, smiling up at him briefly.
"I always need you in my life" he continued. "And I can promise you that regardless if we are boyfriend and girlfriend or just friends...I'll always be there for you"
"Do you promise?" she whispered, finally turning in his arms to face him.
"Belle, as long as these stars are above us" he said, motioning to the beautiful, clear night above them. "I'll be there for you. Regardless if we're a couple or just best friends, you will be one of the most important things of my life"
"Thank you" she whispered, her eyes shining up at him in the moonlight.
"Anytime" he mumbled, as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"Now it's my turn" she said, when he pulled away. "What are you thinking?"
"That you, in the moonlight, have got to be one of the most beautiful things I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing" he said.
"Shaaaaawn" she said, smacking him on the chest lightly, as she giggled.
"It's the truth" he said.
"I know" she teased, grinning up at him.
"Well, aren't we stuck on ourselves" he said, smiling.
"I was just kidding!" she insisted.
"Yeah, yeah" he said. "I know vanity when I see it"
"I'm not vain!" she exclaimed.
"If I looked like you, I'd be vain too" he said, and she turned away slightly, blushing.
"Belle?" he asked a minute later, while they stared out into the water.
"Yes?" she answered.
"Can I kiss you again?" he asked. She turned to look up at his hopefull face and tried her best not to laugh.
"Please do" she said, taking his face in her hands, as she leaned in. This time was a little better even though it only consisted of a few short, sweet kisses. The couple remained in the moonlight, ocean water gently lapping over their bare feet, entwined in each other's arms, as the walls around their hearts finally came down.

(That's not the end! That's just the end of the first section of this story-there's still a lot in store for Shawn and Belle. ~Pam)