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Last month, the U.N worldwide conducted a survey
The only question asked was,
"Would you please give your most honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a HUGE failure.
In Africa they did not know what "food" meant.
In Western Europe they did not know what "shortage" meant.
In Eastern Europe they did not know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they did not know what "solution" meant.
In South America they did not know what "please" meant.
In Asia they did not know what "honest" meant.
And in the USA they did not know what "the rest of the world" meant.
A girl in the 1st grade came home from school and reported to her mother that she had a new teacher that day.
Her mother asked if she learned anything new.
Her answer was 'Oh Yes! She taught us how to make babies.
In great surprise, her mother asked with much caution, 'Tell me, how DO you make babies?'
'It's easy.' replied the little girl. 'You just take off the 'Y' and add 'ies'.
So...after Adam was created, there he was in the Garden of Eden.
Of course it was not good for him to be all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit.
'Adam,' He said, 'I have a plan to make you much, much happier. I am going to give you a companion, a help mate for you, someone who will fulfill your every need and desire. Someone who will be faithful, loving, and obedient... Someone who will make you feel wonderful every day of your life.'
Adam was stunned. 'That sounds incredible.
'Well, it is,' replied the Lord. 'But it doesn't come for free. In fact this is someone so special that it's going to cost you an arm and a leg.'
'That's a pretty high price to pay,' said Adam. 'What can I get for a rib?'
A Drunkard's logic
If you drink, you get drunk.
If you get drunk, you go to sleep.
If you go to sleep, you do not sin.
If you do not sin, you go to heaven.
Therefore, Drink and Go to heaven!
Sign in a Laundromat:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
Sign in an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS ON HOW TO READ
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
A Column Title in a leading News Paper:
LOS & FOUNDT
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