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The following advertisement appeared in a local paper
'SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male
Companionship, ethnicity unimportant.'
‘I am a svelte good-looking girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup
truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter
nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have
me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way
and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when
you get home from work, wearing only what nature
gave me. Kiss me and I am yours. Call xxx-xxxx
and ask for Daisy.'
Callers found themselves talking to the local
Humane Society about an eight-week-old
black Labrador!
One day, a man rubbed a lamp.
A genie popped out of the lamp and said,
'You have three wishes.' I will grant whatever you
wish for, but remember, every politician in the world
gets twice as much as you wish for, so be careful
what you wish for.'
The man said, ‘that is easy! I want a million dollars.'
A big pile of cash appeared in front of him.
'Now, each politician has two million', the genie said.
The man said, 'never mind! I am happy as long as I
have my million. Now, I want a red Mercedes.'
A red Mercedes appeared in front of him and the
genie said, 'Now, each politician has two of these.'
The man was happier than ever. He thought about his
last wish, and said, 'you know, I have always
wanted to donate a kidney...'
The photographer for a national magazine was
assigned to get photos of a great forest fire.
Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any
good shots, so he frantically called his home
office to hire a plane.
'It will be waiting for you at the airport!' he was
assured by his editor.
As soon as he got to the small, rural airport,
sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway.
He jumped in with his equipment and yelled,
‘Let us go! Let's go!' The pilot swung the plane into the
wind and soon they were in the air.
'Fly over the north side of the fire,' said the photographer,
'and make three or four low level passes.'
'Why?' asked the pilot?
'Because I am going to take pictures! I am a photographer,
and photographers take pictures!' said the
photographer with great exasperation and impatience.
After a long pause the pilot said,
'You mean you're not my instructor?'
Man calls home.
Maid answers phone.
He says, 'Can I speak to my wife?'
She says, 'No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend.'
He said, 'Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun.Go upstairs and kill them both.'
Being the loyal maid, she says, 'Ok.'
5 minutes later she picks up the phone and says,
'Ok, they are both dead. What should I do with the bodies?'
He says, 'Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them
when I get home.'
She says, 'We don't have a pool.'
He says, 'Ooops...Is this 555-1234?'
The first divorce directly related to September 11th terrorist
Attack has been filed in New York.
It appears a guy with an office on the 103rd floor of the
World Trade Center spent the morning at his girlfriend's
apartment with his cell phone turned off. He wasn't
watching the TV either. When he turned his phone back
on at about 11 AM, it rang immediately.
It was his hysterical wife, 'Are you OK? Where are you?'
He said, 'what do you mean? I'm in my office of course!'
'Dear God' True letters from Kids
Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much
if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry
Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the
whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I
can never do it. -Nan
Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is it just a trick? -Lucy
Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his
bowling words in the house? -Anita
Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it
an accident? -Norma
Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -Ruth
Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school
they said you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
-Sincerely, Donna
A woman was walking along the beach when she
stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and there
A Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she
got three wishes.
The Genie said, 'Nope...due to inflation, constant
downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and
fierce global competition, I can only grant
You one wish? So...what'll it be?'
The woman didn't hesitate. She said: 'I want peace
in the Middle East. See this map? I want these
Countries to stop fighting with each other.'
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed:
'Gosh, lady! These countries have been at war for
thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good!
I don't think it can be done. Make another wish.'
The woman thought for a minute and said: 'well,
I have never been able to find the right man. You
Know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to
cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good
in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't
watch sports all the time, and is faithful?
That's what I wish for...a good mate.'
The Genie let out a long sigh and said,
'Let me see that map again!'
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