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Expert Dietitian:
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience. 'The material we put into our stomach is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.'
'But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
A 75 year old man in the front row stood up and said,'Wedding cake?'
Can I Take His Place?
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of the utmost urgency.
An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
’ So, what is it?' grumbled the governor.
'Judge Garber has just died!' said the attorney, 'and I want to take his place!'
The governor replied; 'Well it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker.'
Correct Guess:
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. 'Just for fun, Mom,' he says, 'I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they all chat for a while.
He then says, 'OK, Mom. Guess which one I'm going to marry.'
She immediately replies, 'The red-head in the middle.'
‘That is amazing. You are right. How did you know?'
'It was easy...I don't like her!'
Talking Big:
A foreigner was bragging to some farmers about the fruits in his country.” We have oranges that look like footballs. And the bananas, forget it! They are as big as towers!”
As he was talking, he stepped back and stumbled on a pile of watermelons. One of the farmers took advantage of the opportunity to say, “Be careful with our grapes.”
Yes Minister!
Our three respected Indians, Vajpayeeji, and Chandrababu Naidu and, of course, Lalooji go to ’narak’ after their death. They are very sad as they are missing their people on earth. So, they request the devils to allow them to make a call to their relatives at their respective homes. The devils, out of respect for their high positions, permit them to do so.
First, Vajpayeeji calls his relatives in Delhi. He talks for 15 minutes and then passes the phone to Naidu. The latter also calls his state and talks to his wife for 20 minutes and gives the chance to Laloo. Now, Lalooji calls Bihar and starts talking to Rabri Devi. He talks for many hours. Soon after, the telephone bills arrive. Vajpayeeji pays Rs 150, Naidu Rs 200 and Laloo Rs 50.
All of them are surprised how Laloo had talked to his wife for over an hour. Lalooji’s reply was simple. He had made a local call to Bihar. How? "Arre bhai BIHAR to pahele hi narak hai”!
Memo:
John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed Employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers.
1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.
Signed ...
Jim
A MEMO WAS SOON SENT, FOLLOWING THE INITIAL LETTER:
John,
That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.
Kindly read only the odd numbered lines above (1, 3, 5, etc.) for my true assessment of him.
Regards ...
Jim"
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