Confession of Depression

Ah, the life I live
   or almost live . . . 
I'm so tired of living the life I do
Always on the edge, never comfortable.
A father, full of love
with daughter, sweet sixteen
lovely and fair,
so graceful, 
deserving so much better than her fate.
Yet a father, broken in spirit,
broken in wealth,
broken in motivation and aim.
No focus, no future
No roots, no depth,
no foundation for future gain.
pretending to be real
yet only a temporary man.
A mushroom lurking on the edge of darkness
fearing both shadow and light
shunning the day
quivering in the night.
Just a parasite of life.
Early dreams, promises grand
talents to be a successful man,
e'en found a wonderful woman
and made her my wife.
The marriage ended in sadness and strife.
My fault really, just no substance in me
Although talents abound, I'm really shallow you see.
I try hard, or at least think I do
but something is missing
The parts are there, but where's the glue?
A question? Nay just rhetorical thought.
I believe in God and try to be good,
yet I know,
we reap even as we sow.
But what wild seed did I e'er lay down?
Through out life I've worn a smile,
ne'er a frown.
Studied many things during my time,
computers, journalism, how to make a rhyme.
Yet still I walk the way of shadows
through marshy swamp lands,
mindless quick sands,
Sinking in despair.

Enter Here

Just close your eyes, just close your eyes,
Just close your eyes and go to sleep 
Enter where the angels live, enter where
The fairies keep.
Just slow your breath and enter here,
Where your dreams are real.

Just count to ten and say a prayer,
A prayer that when you wake
Perhaps the things your mind conjures
Will exist upon daybreak.
Just calm your nerves and slow your blood,
You never have to feel.
Just slow your breath and enter here,
Where happiness is real.

I recall a time when all
The dreams I had were true 
As I lie in bed, the memories come
Of when I did have you.
But since my tears offer naught,
Since my bleeding heart dost scream,
I'll just close my eyes and think of you--
Your love comes back to me in my dreams...

Words  Of  A  Feather

Words and phrases 
Sail through my brain
Slowly making to a part
Which makes them flow
Quickly out of my finger tips
And whispering lips
They pour upon the paper
Forever searching an order
Resting on thin blue lines
Making peices of me show
Peices I don't even know
Singing unspoken songs
And telling forbidden stories
Flashing with colout 
And of darkness
Words that rhyme
Words that flow
Words that go together
Words that keep me glued
Words of me

Whirlpools and Shifting Sand

Into How Many Whirlpools 
Or Rushing Torrents must I Dive
As You Continually Disappear 
Beneath the Surface?

Like Prisoners Grasping
For Bread Beyond Their Reach 
Are We.   Fingertips Almost Toughing
As We Are Pulled Apart.
Each to Separate Circumstances
And Limitations.

Could We but Grasp and Hold
Each Other by the Hand
Long Enough to Start the Journey
Across the Shifting Sand
The Landscapes of Our Dreams and Visions
Would Define Uncharted Land.

Pain can tickle
if you treat it right.
Pass it onto others
each and every night.
I know this
because I live this way.
I gotta keep the tickle alive
everyday.
At fist its hard
but you get by, 
learn to let it be
and don't ask why.
Erase your conscience.
Its jut a hassle.
Soon it will be easy,
and you will dazzle.
You'll get so good
no one will suspect.
Hide it well,
and you'll get respect.
You'll get by
just join me
I'll keep your secret
of pain and misery.