The Apology

i wanted to tell you what was on my mind
but i couldn't.
more lame excuses right? left.
that's what i did.
i tried...
you made me laugh,
i made you smile.
you did make me happy, but...
(always but)
i tried to, i swear.
but i couldn't bring myself to tell you.
why?
who the hell knows.
i wanted to hold you
but that would have made things worse
i tried...
i cared, still care.
but you deserve more, so much more.
we all do
should i have lied?
let you believe what wasn't true?
no, because deep down i do love you.
i tried.
~we always hurt the ones we love~
life can be such a bitch.
the most painful sound, like fragile glass,
falling onto the floor.
was just your heart.
said it over and over, but it never sounds sincere,
does it?
just another lame, fucking excuse.
i wanted to-
but i did love you.
how does the song go?
~sorry seems to be the hardest word~?
no, actually, it's too damned easy.
to love, or be in love
a question of the ages.
i tried though.
and it shatters.


*just a vacancy*

  About Flying

  I know now
  how birds can fly
  on feathered wings
  sings joyous song
  fair acrobatic dancing
  prancing through the air
  what thoughts of gravity?
  brevity certainly not!
  I do know
  though I can't fly.

Upon Seeing a Picture of a Pigeon Attacking a Mirror on the Cover of a
Psychology Textbook

fiercely in competition,
captured in semigloss.
mirrors and birds, people and person. 
correlate your naturality finding none,
let the bird speak for itself, you say.
then let yourself speak for yourself,
     bird this man,
     mirror this people. his people. his concrete;
pigeons sing and mirrors sing and people sing
pigeons fight and mirrors fight and people fight people.
flight, flight, flight at the mirror man;
fiercely in competiton,
capture you in semigloss
     and never let you
     be president.

Rescue by the Breaking of the Night

I have only an hour in winter's sunlight to walk,
Though my feet are heavy and my flesh is freezing,
My lips are chapped and my ears are dead,
Salvation at the crossing lies, warmth still breathing,
Between here and there not a word is said.

And the night is drawing nearer, soon the sunlight
Will be threatening to cease, and still,
I know that I must arrive my midnight,
And my passion is my only will.

My skin is wrapped but still it freezes,
I feel my chapped skin begin to fray.
I fall down, the cold crisp snow meets my knees,
And the blood and in the snow I lay.

I have failed, night draws nearer,
Still I lie in the quiet winds and snow,
And though the final nights are full of fear,
I have only an hour in sunlight to go.

My spirit refuses my body's designs,
Still I struggle, it pulls me past
All the stops between here and there,
I know my bursting heart won't last,

But my soul and I have forgotten
Where my body lays in the snow,
And though the final nights are full of fear,
I have only an hour in sunlight to go.

Once I see the lights, I'm clearing,
The frost around my mind is leaving,
And though the light still strikes fear,
I still see what I'm believing.

And did my body lie back there,
Did I leave it dying in the snow?
In the final nights so full of fear,
With only an hour in sunlight left to go,
Only an hour in sunlight left to go.