THE BECKY COLLECTION
Oh Christmas Tree, Ohhhhhh!
By Becky
December 20, 1998
Do You remember the song, "Oh Christmas Tree"
Well it has a lot of memories and meaning to me
Not the kind you might be thinking of long ago
My experience with that tree is a tale of woe
The long trip into the woods, alone, was tough
Finally we found a tree but it was not big enough
Another one we found would be to darn small
The next tree we found was just a shade too tall
Then too thin, not full, too fat, hem then haw
I finally got ticked and picked up the saw
I started to ennie, meanie, miney and moe
Moe picked one and the saw started to go
We drug that tree home and brought it inside
I looked on the floor and just about died
There, hundreds of bugs crawling everywhere
The air turned blue when I started to swear
Out came Black Flagg, I sprayed till I gagged
I found me a chair, sat there and just sagged
I looked at that tree and it looked back at me
I swore I'd win the war but didn't know that tree
We put it in a bucket, then supper we seeked
Wouldn't you know it, the damned bucket leaked
And after we supped, we took on the great task
Of putting the tree up, now how long would that last
We tried, how we tried, to get that thing up straight
It was near impossible because of the great weight
After it was up it still leaned just a little to the right
To hell with it, no one will notice with all of the lights
We got all the decorations on the tree with great care
And with a star on the top it was just too much to bear
The tree started to topple, I tried to catch it, and then
There was no where to hold it, all of a sudden when
I swear that damned tree pulled me, I landed head first
into the tree, with needles of pine, stuck in the worst
Places, you can imagine the words that came out, then
My mouth was just yelling words I have never seen
I so frantically tried to get up out of that dumb tree
But that tree must have really been waiting for me
It wouldn't let me up though I tried and tried
My husband was laughing so hard that he cried
I looked up at him right square in the eye
Wait till I get out, you can kiss your tush good-bye
I finally managed to get out of that damned tree
I was so mad that red flags were all I could see
Then out to the shed for a rope and the saw
As I entered to the house I laid down the law
Drag this tree outside with the rope if you please
Picked up the saw and gave the trigger a squeeze
I chopped up that tree till all left were pieces of dust
By the time I was done I felt my actions were just
I jumped in the car and found my way into town
My mind set, that tree would not get me down
I bought me some gumdrops and a small plastic tree
At home I stuck the drops on the tree with such glee
Now there is a tree that really knows its right place
I turned to my family with a smile on my face
Here is the tree we can use year after year
You can eat the ornaments without any fear
From that day to this when Christmas comes round
We decorate a tree with its roots in the ground
I just buy a bag of gumdrops for my plastic tree
After Christmas there is no mess waiting for me.
Belljoye
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