Scene 6

The Palmetto Bar & Grill the same night. It looks exactly the way it sounds--tacky and forlorn. On stage are an assortment of what used to be called Florida crackers and women of easy virtue (but not prostitutes). GYPSY and WILMA, two gals who have seen better days, are at the bar with LAMONT, an enormously fat southerner. At one of the tables are MAVERNE, TEX and BOYD---all getting very drunk. At another table, alone, sits OTIS, the most attractive man in the room, which isn't saying much, except he knows it. HE is plucking at a guitar. Behind the bar is DUANE, the proprietor. BOYD Cain't be.

MAVERNE

Sho' can.

BOYD No cain't.

MAVERNE

It sho' can.

LAMONT

You hear the one about the Priest and the Polak?

GYPSY

All last summer.

BOYD

I say it cain't. It ain't never has, and it ain't never will.

LAMONT

How bout the farmer's daughter with the three titties?

WILMA

Ditto.

MAVERNE

Just cause there ain't never been no snow in Florida don't mean there cain't never be no snow in Florida.

TEX

Believe it snowed up in Jacksonville in '27.

MAVERNE

There can be snow anywhere the Good Lord chooses if he done so chooses.

BOYD

Now that there is crap, Maverne McCloskey---just plain crap.

MAVERNE

Aw, crap to you, Boyd Custer!

                                                         (TRIO at the table lapses into silence and goes on drinking.)

LAMONT

Yo' sure yo' heard the one bout the…

GYPSY & WILMA

Yeah!

GYPSY

What this place needs is some new blood…

WILMA

Or a couple o' new jokes.

GYPSY

                                                        (rising and moving toward Otis)
What you strummin', sugar? A new homesick song?

OTIS

That's right, Gypsy.

GYPSY

You think someone who is that homesick all the time would done go home. It's only a hunnerd miles away.

WILMA

Yeah, but if he was home, he couldn't write no mo' homesick songs, now could he?

OTIS

GYPSY Where you from, sugar? China?

OTIS

                              The beer in front o' me has lost its chill,
                              And the Lauderdale skies
                              Have done turned dull and gray. Take me back
To Okeechobee,
To Okeechobee,
To Okeechobee,
Take me back to Okeechobee,
Let me breathe that Okeechobee air.

There's a gal
In Okeechobee,
In Okeechobee,
In Okeechobee,
There's a gal in Okeechobee,
She's that sweet ole gal that I left there.

She's a-waitin' by a plot o' land
With a brace of cows beyond,
And we'll go a-wadin' hand-in-hand
In the great Okeechobee pond.

Take me back
To Okeechobee,
To Okeechobee,
To Okeechobee,
Take me back to Okeechobee
To the gal I love
And the stars above
And the lake I left behind!
 

(One by one, the OTHERS, except Duane, join in a spontaneous dance in which each does his own thing. When the number is over, THEY return to their former places.) GYPSY Jeeze, ya think a tourist or somethin' would wander in here by accident. (SHE has no sooner said this than the swinging doors open slightly and ADELINE peers in. A look of terror overcomes her face, and she quickly retreats.) MAVERNE Who in the name o' blazes was that? The algebra teacher at Central High?

WILMA

More like the parochial school.

LAMONT

Yeah, onny she must be out o' the habit!
                                                          (slapping his thigh while the others ignore him)
Get it? Out o' the habit?

GYPSY

Hey, one o' you fellas play hookey again today? I hear tell Lamont there was in the eighth grade five years runnin'.

WILMA

What makes you think he ain't still? (Doors swing open again, but this time ADELINE enters with as much determination as she can muster. SHE tiptoes self-consciously to one of the tables and sits with her back to the others. DUANE steps forward.) DUANE May I help you, ma'am?

ADELINE

I…uh…

DUANE

You lookin' for someone?

ADELINE

Uh…I…no…a glass of sherry, please.

MAVERNE

                                                           (to Boyd and Tex)
Sherry? Sherry? (A deathly hush has fallen over the room. The OTHERS stare at Adeline as if she were from another galaxy. When they speak, it's in whispers.) GYPSY What the hell's someone like that doin' in a place like this?

WILMA

                                                              (pantomiming)
Secret drinker.

GYPSY

Hell, if she's so secret, what's she doin' here? (Silence. ADELINE glances about forlornly, but avoids any eye contact with the others. Her eyes chance to meet Otis', but she instantly averts them. OTIS beckons Gypsy and Wilma. THEY move to a table and whisper between themselves as the lights dim and a spot falls on Adeline.) ADELINE A baby! A baby!
The idea is so absurd,
So incredibly absurd,
I have just to say the word
And I'll break into a roar!
A baby
From an old maid who is forty-four.

Who would want to bed with Adeline Adams?
Who would want a woman whom others shun?
Even if my fantasy world of two moons
Turned into a universe with none.
 

(SHE is on the verge of leaving when OTIS appears in front of her. Spotlight goes off and the lights return.) OTIS Evenin', ma'am. May I sit down?

ADELINE

Oh, yes…please.

                                                          (DUANE deposits the glass of sherry in front of her.)

OTIS

You from around these parts?

ADELINE

No. I mean I've lived here for over a year. Before that we lived in Melbourne. In Australia. But actually I'm from England. From Kent originally. But then we moved to Tunbridge Wells. Do you know England? That's in the southwest…near Hastings. The climate was too damp for my father. Then my mother died, and that's when we went off to Australia. It was important to choose a warm climate and… I've never been here before. The Palmetto, I mean. It's…quite nice, really. The sherry isn't terribly good, but one wouldn't expect it to be, would one? (A long pause. OTIS appears to be hanging on her every word as WILMA and GYPSY watch them intently.) ADELINE Did you see Love on the Run? It's at the Sunset now. Or I thought it was at the Sunset. I saw part of it the other afternoon. I mean, I saw part of it because I wasn't feeling well. I was going to see the whole thing tonight, but when I got to the cinema they were showing Three Men on a Horse. (SHE realizes she has been talking too much and suddenly lapses into silence, gazing about her uncomfortably.) OTIS Would you care to come to my place? I'm over at the Flamingo Motor Court.

ADELINE

I…I…

OTIS

Please, ma'am. I'm very lonely down here in Lauderdale.

ADELINE

Yes. Yes, I will.

OTIS

You wait there. I'll just get my geetar. (As OTIS moves back to his original table, ADELINE is beaming with a new sense of courage.) OTIS Pay up.

WILMA

She said yes?!

OTIS

Yo' bet yo' sweet fanny she did.

WILMA

Why, I declare to my soul! (WILMA and GYPSY pull out bills and hand them to him. HE grabs his guitar.) GYPSY The bet should have been for you to make it with her!

OTIS

Are you crazy? (HE rushes out the opposite way, avoiding Adeline completely. ADELINE has been observing all this. The joke that has been played now dawns on her. Tears of humiliation begin streaming down her face. SHE rushes for the exit. WILMA and GYPSY are overwhelmed with pity and remorse.) BLACKOUT