Happy Land

She:
Darling, what did you do today?

He:
What did I do today?
Well, I went and got the computer out,
But the damned thing still doesn't work,
And I only learned
After I returned,
I'd been short-changed by the clerk.
And what did you do today?

She:
What did I do today?
Well, I brought those rotten cantaloupe back---
I've been trading there for a year---
And the man just said,
As he shook his head,
"Oh, you couldn'a bought them here."
And our new long-distance provider which seemed cheaper, no doubt---
Well, the bill came today, and I nearly passed out.

He:
Don't worry, darling,
I'm sure that there's a place on earth
Where the meek inherit their money's worth.

There's a happy land
Where the clerks know perfectly well
Every single item they sell,
Where service is the goal.

In this happy land,
If a plumber jacks up the price,
Someone stuffs his head once or twice
Down a toilet bowl.

You won't find any shirkers,
For everyone's alert;
And governmental workers
Won't deal with you
Like you were dirt.

There's a happy land
With conscientious doctors
Who won't come late
And make you wait
At their command;
If respect they lack,
There's a torture rack
In this happy, happy land.

She:
There's a happy land
Where shopping is so simple and sweet,
Returning things without a receipt
And without delay.

In this happy land,
When they make you curse, swear and cuss
And say,  "Your call's important to us",
They are put away.

You won't feel cold and clammy
From your head down to your shoes;
You'll get no double whammy
If service contracts
You refuse.

There's a happy land
With fair and square mechanics
Who'll never start
To use a part
That's second-hand.
If the bill's obscene,
There's a guillotine
In this happy, happy land.
 
 

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