It's twilight time in gay Paree
And the setting sun casts its spell,
It's twilight time in gay Paree---
And isn't it dull as hell?

I wish
That I were prettier
And owned a velvet dress,
I wish
That I were wittier
And talked a good deal less.

I wish
I had a hunk right now---
His batteries recharged---
I wish
My hips had shrunk right now
And my breasts had both enlarged.

I wish I drank the finest wine
And dined off gilded plates,
I wish I were a concubine
To someone rich
Like dear Billy Gates.

I wish
I heard my name each night
While in a warm embrace---
I wish
A brownie came each night
And cleaned this whole damned place.

                    II

I wish
I'd give up starches now
(I wish to God I could!),
I wish
That both my arches now
Still arched like arches should.

I wish
That I could stay outside
And hear the robins sing;
I wish
It weren't May outside
So I could wish for spring.

I wish that I were much more frail
And looked naïve somehow;
I wish that I'd been born a male
Just so's that I'd be courting me now.

I wish
I could accrue much less
And get along with naught;
I wish
I liked to screw much less
Or at least discard the thought.

                  III

           (And this after she meets a fellow)

I wish
That he'd been my ideal,
Heroic, tall and tan;
I wish
My every high ideal
Didn't lower with each man.

I wish
He'd had a bit more taste
And less plebian airs;
I wish
God showed a whit more taste
When answering my prayers.

I wish he'd been the Romeo
To leave me all agog;
I wish they'd told me years ago
You can't find a prince in every old frog.

I wish
He were the dish I wish
To please my appetite;
But most of all,
I wish, I wish,
He'll wish for me tonight.
 

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