I first met Herbie last September
At the beach where my cousins reside;
He was thirty-three,
A promising M.D.---
So what if his hips were too wide?

He took me dining in October
And I soon was becoming immersed;
He was thirty-three,
A promising M.D.---
So what if he served himself first?

When November came,
Love began to beckon---
Then December came
And Herbie beckoned,
So I gave in
For the very first time---
Well, all right,
For the second.

The next two months
Were absolute joy,
And all my mother ever said,
When I'd tiptoe in and make for bed,
Was, "Herbie's such a nice Jewish boy."
 

II

I wasn't feeling well in April,
And by May it was herpes I'd got;
He was thirty-three,
A promising M.D.
So what if he said, "Get a shot"?

Then through all of June
I would mention marriage,
And by the end of June
Through my endeavor,
He said he'd wed
For the very first time---
But not to me
However.

So I was left
Like an old broken toy,
And since the middle of July,
My mother asks with such a sigh,
"Whatever happened to Herbie?
"He was such a nice Jewish boy."