Hello, sailor,
Hello, soldier,
I have never met
One I could not handle yet.
The bigger they come,
The harder they get.

In the room upstairs
There's a bed of brass,
And the ceiling bears
One large looking glass.
There's an antique clock there
That doesn't keep time;
There's a door to lock there
And a wall to climb.
In the room upstairs
You can really soar
On two easy chairs
Or the hardwood floor.
There is not much noise there,
Only moaning refrains;
When you see my toys there,
They will blow your brains.
You can rest your head
On my satin spread
And forget your cares---
You will flip your cork, my dear,
In the room upstairs!

In the room upstairs
The dessert's supreme---
There are prickly pears
And there's whipping cream.
You can stay and lunch there
And possibly sup---
I've got lots to munch there
And to gobble up.
When the shadows fall
You may even be
In my  shower stall
Which was built for three.
I've an ancient etching
I think will amaze
Of two Hindus stretching
In some fifty ways.
Once you lay your feet
On that satin sheet,
You can say your prayers---
You will lose your marbles, boy,
In the room upstairs!