Disclaimer:  Wrestlers belong to the WWF.  Jerry and all aspects of the show belong to him.  This is a new series I'm starting. Just don't ask me why. Heh.

The Jerry Springer Show [Episode 1]

Featuring the World Wrestling Federation

[Jerry Springer Show logo on-screen for 10 seconds. Camera pans across cheering audience. The words: I HATE MY BOSS! flash across the screen. Close-up on Jerry.]

Jerry: The topic of today's show: I HATE MY BOSS! Let's meet our first guest, WWF superstar, and leader of the JOB SQUAD, Al Snow, with Head!

[Close-up on Al Snow, who holds up Head.]

Jerry: So Al, what's wrong with your boss?

Al: Vince McMahon is an old fart who gets his jollies from seeing guys like me suffer! Of course, I like the pain and all, but he's still unfair! He won't even pay for Head's shampoo appointments!

Jerry: What do you say we meet the guy? Vince, come on out!

[Cue "Hail to the Chief". Enter Vince, who strides in wearing an expensive suit. He waves and sits.]

Jerry: Vince, Al says you're unfair. How do you respond?

Vince: Jerry, I assure you, Al Snow is completely insane. I mean, he's talking to a head!

[Fat Guy in the audience stands up.]

Fat Guy: Hey, there's nothing wrong with that! I talk to my armpit! ::to armpit:: Don't I?

Short Woman: Yeah, and I talk to my knife! ::holds up a butcher knife:: Knifey wanna play? Knifey want blood? Good Knifey...

[Short Woman looks insanely at Fat Guy and stabs him. Steve tackles Short Woman, while the other security guards rush Fat Guy to the hospital.]

Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Jerry: ::calms them:: Let's meet another guy that talks to an object. Everyone, say hello to WWF Hardcore Champion, Mankind!

[Cue Mankind's theme music. Enter Mankind, wearing a T-shirt with a smiley face that wears Mankind's headgear. He carries Socko on one hand, and his WWF Hardcore Belt in the other. Mankind leaps for Vince's throat and shoves Socko into his mouth, applying the Mandible Claw. Al Snow and Head cheer him on. Steve grabs Mankind and pulls him away, while the other guards help Vince up.]

Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!

[Mankind sits next to Al Snow and Head. All three glare at Vince.]

Jerry: ::calms the audience:: Mankind, what's your story?

Mankind: ::panting w/ excitement:: Excuse me, Jerry, but that always gives me a huge rush! Heh heh... ::calms down a bit:: Anyway, I'm here to complain about Vince. I treated him like a loving son should, but instead, he tricks me and betrays me! He promised me the WWF Championship, and then he uses me and makes Rocky the champ! And on Monday, he put me in a handicap match with his private goons!

Vince: You're a freak! A monster! You should be locked up for the rest of your miserable life!

Mankind: ::breaks down and cries:: Why don't you love me anymore, Vince?! I thought we could be a f-f-family! You, me and S-S-Socko!

Al: It's okay, man! The Job Squad's your family now! ::hugs him::

Audience: Aww....

Jerry: Let's meet someone who supports Vince. Give a warm welcome to the current WWF World Heavyweight Champion, The Rock!

[Cue The Rock's theme music. Enter The Rock, wearing a T-shirt that proclaims, "KNOW YOUR ROLE, OR I'LL LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON YOUR CANDY @$$!!!". He carries the WWF World Belt over his shoulder. Mankind goes for The Rock, but he nails Mankind with the belt. Al Snow tackles The Rock and beats him with Head. Steve and the others break them up.]

Audience: HEAD HEAD HEAD HEAD HEAD!

Jerry: ::calms them:: Rock, what's your take on all this?

Rock: Hey, all you stinkin' pieces of trailer trash! What you need to do is shut up and listen to The Rock! Now The Rock says that Vince McMahon is a good boss, and if you jabronies don't agree, then I'll have to come down and raise the Corporate Eyebrow, drop the Corporate Elbow, and hit you with the Rock Bottom! In fewer words, I'm gonna lay the smackdown on your candy @$$es! If all of you just wisened up a little bit, maybe you could smell what The Rock is cookin'!

Jerry: Well, I don't know about all that, but maybe my next guest does. Ladies and gentlemen, meet former WWF Tag Team, Intercontinental, and World Champion, the Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin!

[Cue Stone Cold's theme music. Enter Stone Cold, wearing an Austin 3:16 T-shirt and drinking a beer. Stone Cold hits the Rock over the head with the beer can. Then he nails Vince with the Stone Cold Stunner. Mankind leaps on Vince and applies the Mandible Claw. Al Snow beats The Rock with Head again. Steve doesn't even attempt to break this one up.]

Jerry: Mr. Austin, your thoughts on this?

Stone Cold: It's as simple as this, Jerry. Everybody knows that Vince is just an old man that thinks he owns the world. But if Stone Cold Steve Austin can make Vince McMahon wet his pants on live TV, what do you think I'm gonna do to the Undertaker when I get my hands on him and that living jelly-roll, Paul Bearer?! It'll be a shining day on the Dark Side when I get through with the Undertaker, cause I'm bringin' a floodlight in the form of a big ol' can of whoop-@$$! And that's the bottom line, cuz Stone Cold said so!

[The Undertaker suddenly appears, followed by Paul Bearer. Taker and Stone Cold go at it, while Al Snow and Mankind are still beating up Vince and The Rock. Ken Shamrock and Big Boss Man come in to help, but Degeneration-X shows up and takes them down. Cut to various commercials.]

[Jerry Springer logo on-screen for 10 seconds. Camera on-stage, where the entire WWF roster has been taken out by Taker and Kane in five minutes. Taker and Kane are at each other's throats. Off to the side, Steve is making out with Sable. "Final Thought" flashes on-screen. Close-up on Jerry.]

Jerry: As another show comes to a close, I'd like to reflect on what's happened. Do Mankind and Al Snow hate Vince because he's unfair? Or is it simply that they're both out of their minds? Is The Rock right to support Vince? Or is he just another pawn in Vince's checkmate to rule the wrestling world? Only time will tell. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

[Camera on-stage. Edge attempts a flying drop-kick on Mark Henry, but misses and collides with the back of Jerry's head. Close-up on Jerry's unconscious body. Fade out.]