So let me hold you back a minute
And spin one minute yarn;
I knew a girl who liked her beer
So she drank and drank and drank it in good cheer
Till one dark and boozy night
She made it known
She’d make her own
(Though of what
She knew not)
"Now let me see
What could it be ?"
(A pause ensued)
"Oh! It’s perfectly clear!-
Beer nuts make beer!"
She got a bag o’ nuts-
A big, BIG bag, mind you-
And so set to
Her task.
To no avail she squeezed and squeezed-
No golden drops came out.
She planted nuts in vain hope
A tree may sprout
Bearing ripe and robust stubbies
(So delish with cheese and saukraut).
Then she resolved to beg politely-
If they didn’t make some beer themselves,
Perhaps they’d buy a six-pack off the shelves
When she sent them to the shops?
But fools are proved through foolproof plans
And surely there is nothing worse
Than to hear a fool curse
The foolishness of others
(A practise to which our friend was not averse)
"Nutty being! What can you do?!
I can’t cash you, cashew,
Can’t make no brew,
Can’t see no reason why you’re you;
No goal, no aim, no aspiration-
To the sane you are a conflagration
Devouring all that’s good."
So then I says - I says to her, I do -
"All this drinking thinking
Has made a beer nut out of you!
May 2000