The advantages of being a toothless fairy,
You see, are that you cannot bite your tongue
And aren’t as scary
As the others.
"Well then" you ask "How might one become
Such a lucky ducky without at least some
Discomfort?"
Ah! - simple! (reply I)
This one creature I know
Was a regular garden variety, class A, type One-O-O
Fairy
Till she suffered a persona-altering blow:
Out of nowhere,
One daaaaaaaaaaaaaark and stormy night
Jumped out a beast
- ooh! She got such a fright!! -
A beast most glummy,
A beast most frummy,
Yes, a bright orange,
Sickly sweet
Honey bunny.
Now, now, it had occurred to me
That bunnies come in only three
Varieties:
The stuffed, the cooked,
And some are chocolate.
But I looked and looked
And sure enough
This was a Honey Bunny,
A Honey Bunny
That jumped into the fairy’s mouth-
She couldn’t breathe,
She couldn’t speak,
She just emitted a kind of squeak
And with a heave
And a ho
The Honey Bunny
Went soooooooo
Far and fast
Straight to her tummy.
And - boy! - did she enjoy it to the last!
She has spent
From that moment
Her life in rampant
Pursuit of Honey Bunnies,
Without any fulfilement
(Even the most innocent
Of addictions can’t bring that)
But much to the amusement
Of the fairy community
And you and me.
She simply could not get enough
Of that delicious
Honey Bunny stuff!
She ate and ate,
And ate some more,
She’d stay up late
And feast galore
Till in the morning
Her stomach’d be so so sore
There was nothing for it
But to eat still more.
Soon enough
Her teeth fell out,
She din’t scream,
She didn’t shout;
She took solace
In a Honey Bunny Pie
As her molars
Rolled away.
"So what did the Tooth Fairy do??"
You want to know,
Well, she found the Honey Bunny
Situation funny
Yet had no sympathy
For our toothless friend
Who could put no end
To her greed.
The others teased mercilessly
(Some jeered,
Some leered)
They were fairly fiery fairies
And the toothless one
Also tried to have some fun
By being bitchy back,
By calling them names too
(If that’s fun to you)
But of course they thought they knew
That they were better through and through:
They could see no good
In someone who couldn’t chew their food
And didn’t see-
How rude!-
That the advantages of being a toothless fairy
Are that you cannot bite your tongue
And aren’t as scary
As the others.
October 2000