| it is midnight on a friday. which friday is not important. all that matters is that something is happening. or perhaps it has already happened. it is something and that's the important part. there is nothing else left. nothing of the me that you used to know. because you know me as the girl that still clung to everything that was. the me that you knew never thought of the now or the later. the girl that you think you know is the girl that negotiated with the present on terms of the past. something else that you should know, this move was far from voluntary. my past was ripped from me. call that melodramatic if you want to. i really don't care. you can suck my cock. i'm being honest. writing this for me. not for anyone else's entertainment. my journal isn't to get ratings. i am not in the sit-com business. and wouldn't it be so much easier if we all were. just have the director yell CUT and then start all over. maybe i wouldn't have been obsessed with random teen celebrities. maybe i never would have kissed her. maybe i wouldn't have lived my life the way i have. but none of that matters anymore. because when you think about it, my slate has been wiped clean. i'd rather it hadn't been, but you make the best of what is given to you. you put you money on the things that you know will pay off. place your bets on the friends that stay, the people who really care, and the information that is already yours or that is free for the taking. not on the drunken stupors, the paranoid highs, or the momentary sex. i live for the real now. i just hope upon hope that i can find it. |