DAVID P
Age: 32
Honours: Castleford League Div 3&4 Tournament Champion: Mens' doubles 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 Mixed 2006, 2009 Singles 2007, 2008, 2009 Castleford League Div 4 winner 2008, Castleford League Div 3 & 4 Cup winner 2008.
Strengths: ???
Weaknesses: Dodgy backhand and heavy banana dependancy.
Specialist Shot: Smash into the net.
MARK
Age: 12
Honours: Mens' team "Most Valued Player" spit-bowl trophy 2005-2006 season winner. Oldest and mankiest pair of shorts wearer.
Strengths: His speed, power and deception make him a lethal opponent and vital team member. Oppositions cack their pants just watching him warm up.
Weaknesses: Spends too much time playing Quidditch instead of badminton. Isn't always allowed to come out and play.
Specialist Shot: Down the alley smash.
PAUL G
Age: 35 (and showing it)
Honours: Pendas Mens' Division 3 champions 2002/2003. Castleford League Div 3 & 4 Tournament Champion: Mens' doubles 2002, 2003, 2006, 2007, 2008, Mixed 2003, 2004, 2007. Pendas annual quiz winner 2006. My little piglet 2005 (awarded by Tania).
Strengths: All round pro with all the shots. Often carries his partner in matches. Tactical mastermind. He's so good he was head-hunted by Horsforth!
Weaknesses: IBS. Meat pies. Having to rush home to watch SG-1.
Specialist Shot: Backhand down the line slice shot.
RICHARD
Age: Over the age limit now to enter the vets tournament.
Honours: Castleford League Div 3 & 4 Tournament Champion: Mens' doubles 2002, 2003. Men's team morale officer 2007.
Strengths: Never fails to psych out his opponents by either arguing/staring/shouting at them, has a crafty deceptive net serve return. Never say die attitude.
Weaknesses: "Chateux Rouge 1997". Gets his dog training mixed up with his badminton - his partner is always being told "GET DOWN!", "STAY!", "LEAVE!!"
Specialist shot: Drunken Monkey return of serve.
STEVE
Age: 27 (he claims).
Honours: Most capped player 2005/2006. Best kept daffodil patch 2006. Castleford League Division 4 winner 2008, Castleford League Cup Division 3 & 4 winner 2008.
Strengths: Dangerous lefty and no lady opposition can resist his cheeky smile and blue eyes.
Weaknesses: Dodgy line calls.
Specialist shot: Doesn't need one - a quick wink at the opposition and they're putty in his hands (and that's just the blokes).
TANIA
Age: Unknown but I'd guess about 21.
Honours: Castleford League Div 3 & 4 Tournament Champion: Mixed 2003, 2004, 2007, Ladies' 2006. Best haircut 2006.
Strengths: Grace, style, poise and flawless shot technique - a vital mixed player.
Weaknesses: Often plays with Paul G. High heels often hinder movement (though look pretty good!).
Specialist shot: Wonder-woman strength full court length clear.
WILF
Age: 153617
Honours: Was the face for "Old Spice" adverts in 1979 (and that's a fact!)
Strengths: Fitter than Gail Emms in a catsuit. Excellent reader of the game.
Weaknesses: Harveys Bristol Cream a nice pipe and constant partying with the Pussycat Dolls at Blue Coyote.
Specialist shot: Cunning serve - is it gonna be short or a flick?
ALISON B
Age: 30
Honours: "Center Parcs (Sherwood Forest) World Championships Ladies Doubles" winners - with her sister Karen (total number of entrants - 4). Castleford League Div 3 & 4 Tournament Champion: Mixed 2006, 2009 Ladies' doubles 2006. Castleford League Division 4 winner 2008, Castleford League Cup Division 3 & 4 winner 2008.
Strengths: Cross court drop master with a Bjorn Borg like temperament - nothing gets to her. Also selling/buying rackets on E-bay - why not contact her for a bargain on Jim Carey DVD's?
Weaknesses: Has too many other pressing commitments - should I wash my car or play badminton? - hmmmm where's my sponge?
Specialist shot: Cross court drop - even when you see it coming - can you get to it??
IAN
Age: 40
Honours: Fruit and veg stall of the year 1997. Ten Pin Bowling Master 2005.
Strengths: Tight angled drop shots and underhand angled net returns are his speciality.
Weaknesses: Running the cafe, fighting with Phil Mitchell and working for BarlowWorld leaves him little time to practice and play.
Specialist shot: Underhand cross court return.
MIKE
Age: Let's just say he fought in the Boer War and no shop stocks enough candles for his birthday cake.
Honours: Steered Pendas Castleford League Team to promotion from division 4 in 2005 (then back down the year after).
Strengths: Crafty chip return of serve and net shots more soft and delicate than Derek's moisturised cheeks (so Karen tells me).
Weaknesses: Doesn't have the looks of a true badminton player - looks more suited to polo/croquet (something that doesn't require much effort).
Specialist shot: Delicate net chip return.
DAVID C
Age: 53 - but with the mind and body of a 25 year old.
Honours: "2004 Blue Rinse Badminton Tournament for the Elderly" sponsored by Worthers Originals and Sunnyside Nursing Homes - runner up.
Strengths: Drop shot and deception master. Top class singles player - legend has it he gives his opponents a 10 point start to make the game fair!
Weaknesses: Doesn't smash much because of "brewers elbow" but when you can make your drop and clear shots so deceptive who needs to??
Specialist shot: Text book drop.
DEREK
Age: 30
Honours: Master deck-scrubber 2005. Best Scottish player at Pendas.
Strengths: When he struts onto court with the posture of a rhino out to mark his territory with his musky scent you know you're in for a tough match. Covers the court well for a big guy and has come on leaps and bounds under the expert tuition of Stewart. Expect to see him form a deadly duo with Karen in the near future.
Weaknesses: Lack of practice while away at sea - though if rumours are true he's often found practicing his delicate cock strokes below decks.
Specialist shot: Can't really pick one because they're all so good.
KAREN
Age: 32
Honours: Finalist in Castleford League Tournament 2005/2006. Castleford League Division 4 winner 2008, Castleford League Cup Division 3 & 4 winner 2008.
Strengths: Vigorously attacks any net shots short of the service line and hugs the net like a randy fisherman. Always up for winning the game.
Weaknesses: Becomes annoyed and frustrated when her net shots don't come off and can only be calmed down by Derek saying "Curly Wurly".
Specialist shot: Net kill - get in its way and you'll lose a limb.
ALISON H
Age: Older than Sarah Platt but younger than Deardrie Barlow.
Honours: Best ever presenter of Grandstand. Castleford League Division 4 winner 2008, Castleford League Cup Division 3 & 4 winner 2008.
Strengths: Steely determination and strong smashes combined with delicate net shots.
Weaknesses: Spends too much time drooling over Des Lynam.
Specialist shot: Throwing racket on ground after losing.
LISA
Age: 35
Honours: Played with Steve in the Castleford League Tournament - and what an honour it was. (Knocked out in first round).
Strengths: Powerful and accurate smashes and clears.
Weaknesses: Gets distracted by all the hunky men on club night.
Specialist shot: Baseline to baseline attacking clear.
More to come soon........
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