(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough 
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft 

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid 
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit 
(S) Something tightened in cockpit 

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear 
(S) Evidence removed 

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud 
(S) Volume set to more believable level 

(P) Dead bugs on windshield 
(S) Live bugs on order 

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground 

(P) IFF inoperative 
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode 
     (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe) 

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick 
(S) That's what they're there for;

(P) Number three engine missing;
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search;

(P) Aircraft handles funny;
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

(P) Target Radar hums;
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

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1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding
them at strategic locations.

2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they
don't realize it.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the
day.

4. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs
together and practically yell at him "Where are your tampons?"

5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I
smell sex and candy"

8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've
got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn
the volumes to "10."

10. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

11. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

12. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

13. Put M&M's on layaway.

14. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

15. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite
them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

16. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
fresheners.

17. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

18. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why don't you people just leave me alone?"

19. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you
pick your nose.

20. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield
with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

21. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

22. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if
he knows where the anti-depressants are.

23. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

24. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission
Impossible."

25. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

26. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various
funnels.

27. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things
like "pick me !! pick me!!"

28. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

29. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

30. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the
store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out
much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

31. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet
paper in here!