8. Choose the answer which most logically follows the
factual pattern given in this scenario:
At work you enter the copy machine room to make a single
copy. The associate next door is on the phone listening to
the Professional Wrestling hotline. He yells, "Close the
door, I'm missing important information on this data
transmission due to your noisy errands!" You decide the
appropriate professional response would be to:
A. carefully fold the xerox copy and insert it up
his nose
For the following question, assume nothing.
9. If R2D2+C3PO=H20, and 1492AD/NFL49ER > radius of 486SX -
area of 911, then what is log of Y?
A. what the &$#*@?!!!
The next series of questions is used to determine everything
about your personality and is used as a 99.9% accurate
indicator of everything you will ever do in your entire life.
The object of this test is ask vague and/or vacuous questions
that can be turned around ever so slightly in later questions
to make you give different answers so that, at the conclusion
of the test, you'll have no idea who you are and we can label
you any way we want and you'll believe it. Start now!
10. Do you like people?
A. yes
11. Do you point and laugh out really loud when you see
someone fall on their butt in a skating rink and cause 15
skaters behind them to amass in a great pile of cursing
entangled bodies, with the legs of a frantically
whistling referree swinging out of the pile?
A. yes
12. If they were all professional clowns, would you laugh
then?
A. yes
13. Do you have a signature people can actually read, or with
at least one recognizable letter of the alphabet, or is
it just a big fat loop that takes up half a page?
B. can read it
14. Are you a good person or a bad person?
A. good
15. Do you like bad people?
A. no
16. If a bad person gave you a free new house and one free
carpet shampoo, would you like him then?
A. yes
17. Would you rather build something grand that everyone will admire, or just sit
around by yourself and read magazines?
A. build
18. Would you rather look through Playboy's Really Horny
Sluts Special Issue or make a 9-story birdhouse in 98-
degree weather?
A. read
19. Do you consider yourself logical, analytical, emotional,
passionate, ignorant, or discombobulated?
A. introverted
20. Are you sure you don't want to change your mind?
A. yes
STOP NOW. We mean it this time. You have survived the
evaluation sample test. We are confident you will pass, but
if, after working through this book, you are still clueless
and need extra help, dial 1-900-QXZ-BHWP, our easy-to-
remember hotline, 99 cents per millisecond, for suggestions
and hints on bubbling in your name. And if you stay on the
line long enough, we'll talk dirty to you and read your dog's
horoscope. Finally, as you begin to study and take the
practice tests, always remember, only lucky people pass.
Good luck!
B. politely close the door so as to respect his wishes,
then get the guy in the office who owns the rabid
attack dog the size of a truck to tie the dog to the
door
C. make a large pledge to every charity and loud
televangelist using his name and office phone number
D. utilize the old-fashioned American pie strategy -
kiss his butt until he stops, or kick his butt if he
doesn't
B. 0
C. the number of licks it takes to get to the center of
a tootsie roll lollie pop
D. John 3:16
B. no
B. no
C. depends on whether it was one of those skating
periods for couples in love only
B. no
C. depends on whether they started hitting each other
with big rubber clubs while they were in the pile
C. big fat loop
B. bad
B. yes
B. no
C. oh, shut up
B. read
B. build
B. extroverted
C. thoughtful
D. intuitive
E. I don't want to do this any more
B. no, I mean, yes, I think...
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