The HEAD
Hanta: "A disease that is carried by rodent droppings."
If you don't believe me, click here!
Christopher Michael Brinkmeyer
1971 -
Listen to a description or two of Chris!
You are the 
person to see this large cranium...
Born/raised in rural Illinois, he was often called "slow" and people in his hometown frequently remarked, "That boy ain't right."
These insults, though true, caused Chris to create an alter-ego which got him into lots of trouble - best put as "his bulldog mouth
bit off more than his pekinese ass could chew." He became a more humble young man after a really awful shower-room incident
during his prison stint for running away from home as a pre-pubescent pre-teen. From that tradgedy though, he gained one positive
ability - he's quite good with his hands...It also gave him a very "dark" perspective on life - as noted in his ark work (the snarling
evidence: pain on the faces of cruel characters) and also noted in the mildly twisted spoken word piece (brilliantly titled):
"Watermellon Love" which he devoted to Mr. Eric "Put that beautiful tongue on me!" Howton. Memories of pain well behind him;
(no pun intended), Chris became the "know-it-all, blow-hard" few have had the, uh, well - pleasure, of knowing. Chris likes to brag,
says he can hold his liquor (he can't - just ask him about his ankle), says he is THE "Don Juan" (he's married, go figure)
and guarentee's he can make women scream (if he's naked and pinching them really, REALLY hard). Chris thinks he's an "All Sport" kind of guy,
but truth is, if you throw a ball at him, he'll bark and try to catch it in his mouth, no lie. He can't swing a bat, he throws like a girl,
and cries if people make fun of him. He's been called "Monkey Boy" (don't ask), "Cash Money Brotha" (during his 'rap' phase), "Doompha" (his
wife's favorite", and of course "Kristina" (but Chris dosen't like to talk about that, again, prison was bad for him.) He's travelled the
world, to end up in sunny Miami. Chris loves the beach (especially Miami-South) and rarely fools his gorgeously pregnant wife into believing
he's "looking at the pretty shells" when the topless women pass by. Fool that he is, most tolerate him - few, counting me, love him.
RECEIPE FOR BRINKMEYER JR.
1.Insert seed, mix vigorously
2.Cook at 78 degrees for 9 months
3.Force out of narrow opening
4.Monitor closely for 18 years
HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!
Cindy, his lovely wife.
Suicide - it's not just for teenagers anymore!
by Eric Howton
Association is an interesting thing. Usually it helps us, sometimes it hurts us. The passing whiff of a
perfume from a jilted lover can bring back memories of pain and passion both…your neighbors across the
street whose name you never can remember, they bring you a bushel of Apples one day and they're last name
is Appleton - you remember the two together and never forget their name again. We use association everyday
whether we are aware of it or not. Sometimes it's easy to learn foreign words by association. Upon reviewing
a tape made by Christopher Brinkmeyer, I have discovered many foreign words, "Prodigy", "Massive Attack", and
"Crystal Method" but they all mean the same thing to me - LOUD DEATH CLASHING UNMELODIOUS NOISE NOISE HURTS
PLEASE MAKE IT STOP - again, association. I had a violent reaction when I e-mailed Mr. Brinkmeyer, as his
provider is "PRODIGY" and since I now cannot help but to associate LOUD DEATH CLASHING UNMELODIOUS NOISE NOISE
HURTS PLEASE MAKE IT STOP with this word, I slipped in to some semi-conscious state of lethargy. I now
understand why teenagers all across this globe are blowing their brains out of their heads - it's nothing to do
with improper upbringing or depression, no, it's this horrible, horrible music that they want to get even the
memory of from their gray matter. Hell, I'm 28 and I considered swallowing my own tongue halfway through the
first side! There was one good point to this tape I discovered….The redeeming quality above all else. If you
ever need a quiet, sexy song for a night of loveplay with the one you love, might I suggest the affectionately
titled "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy.
Editor's Note: Despite this scathing review, Eric does indeed listen to the aformentioned tape on his way to work and back...every single day since he has received it.
Is BRINKMEYER the Cheshire Cat?
See "The NECK"
Insomnia
A spoken word piece
read by Chris Brinkmeyer
THE PHOTO ALBUM!
HOME
