I want to stand in front of my mirror & trace an outline of my body. In it, I want to scribble all these thoughts I feel but cannot say. This is the anatomy of a being, waiting to explode. This is the anatomy of a being, waiting to escape the confinement of authority [and society]. I do not think they'll ever understand what I go through everyday. Wake up every morning from a dream [or nightmare] and realize how grey this reality is. Can I ever tell you just how much I want to _____________________f l y ?

All I ask is to live the way I want & move out of this stupid town. I can't wait until we can pack those suitcases and drive away from here. I'll drive up to a new life with my stereo turned up, expecting the unexpected. Drive while I watch the stars forever. Somehow I know we'll find that special connection with the sky. We all need a friend & a long lost weekend. We'll drive around but we won't drive too far.

&this whole life will start over. I'll realize that not everyone in the world is like those I see under that cold light everyday. It will never be perfect but I just might smile anyway, because we'll be free from their confinement and maybe things will finally start to feel ___________________i n f i n i t e. Hey, we can drive into that city with lots of lights at night & just go fucking crazy. See this side of me that no one has seen before because it has been lying dormant all these years & wanting to escape. Stir, shake, & watch it blow. Meet new people, find someone who understands, have some drinks. Talk through & put those days in hell behind.

&maybe when the door gets broke down, love can break in. Fall in love [where's my garage band king?] & not feel empty in this breakable heart; this glass heart. Talk through my intensities with someone who is just as emotionally charged as me. Make out in the rain. &wake up to see him breathing peacefully next to me; breathe in as he breathes out, taking in his scent. Feel his arms in a gentle embrace & lips curled in ecstasy, dreaming of things so impossible. [Hey Chris, I love long drives & brown eyes & guys that just don't quite fit in.]

This anatomy of a being is__________________ e n d l e s s . I'm so sick of feeling the same shit everyday & wanting to see blood. I'm so sick of being forced into this front. But I still have an ounce of faith that I can put down and say that I will be saved. &we'll escape this penitentiary and one day everything will come. You're already much ahead of me but I'll catch up.