It is Monday morning of spring break. It is quite lovely outside; the sun is out, there is a gentle breeze & it is not too hot & not too cold. My legs are aching. I have been blaring Bright Eyes in this empty house all morning & I have been lounging around & reading. I think afterwards I'm going to brew some coffee, spray my hair bright red, & play dress-up. [Where are black glitter wings when you need them?] I think I'll also roll a window down & blast Thursday to disturb the neighbors & their rude toddlers. The last week has been busy & strange. Lots of work, feeling bad, & getting knocked on from others. Twice I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could lock myself in a bathroom stall & cry. I looked at myself in the mirror & saw my eyeliner-black tinted tears & shiny red eyes. I have to say; it was not a beautiful sight for me & I was pretty disgusted with myself. At least not too many people noticed. I hate it when people who do not usually care about you see you sniffling & ask you what's wrong in that high-pitched voice. It sounds so hollow. &most of the time they really do not care what is wrong with you; they just ask to bring more unwanted attention & to make themselves look good. I spent a mini-vacation at the beach this weekend. My hair still smells like a mixture of the oceanfront hotel we stayed in & the sunscreen lotion from the beach. I do not want to wash it. Spent most of the day shopping. I got a Vans hoodie, a shirt, a backpack, a cheap black purse, some cheap jewelry, & a tennis racket that is all too professional for me [so I can take up tennis]. I already glued on my old & worn Jimmy Eat World patch on to the purse. I have some various shades of nail polish, white-out, & glitter. I'm paint on song lyrics & lines of my poetry onto the it. Now my mom will know why I wanted a $7 purse instead of a $40 leather purse. It's funny; she also wonders why I would rather have cheap jewelry from an accessories store instead of real gold & silver. I say fuck all that "bling-bling". At night we walked down the boulevard just yards away from the shore. Stores & vendors & hotels lined up next to each other. The night was alive. You could feel the ocean near. College & high school kids on spring break were everywhere. They drove down the street with the windows down, poking their bodies out of their vehicles, screaming & waving at others. Guys were in trunks & t-shirts & girls were in their bikini tops. They gathered together in hotel balconies laughing, drinking, & smoking cigarettes. I saw a kid get arrested. I saw a group of guys buy tylenol, boxes of cereal, & condoms. I saw guys & girls sitting in the backs of trucks, videotaping the excitement around them so they could keep the memories forever. I felt alone, just waving & saying what's up to anyone who greeted me. But everyone was with at least one other person. Even my parents hooked arms while walking down. I just wish I had someone's hand to hold and/or a bottle of strawberry daquiri to drink. As always, I was just kind of there. I got little sleep Saturday night. Woke up the next morning to a breakfast of Belgian waffles. I walked along the beach for the first time in two years. It felt so good to let the waves kiss my toes & smell the sunscreen lotion & the salt in the breeze. I wish I had a camera with me because it was a beautiful morning. I will go back & have more fun the next time. Especially at night. I want to walk along the beach where everyone glows from the light of the moon & I will have someone to glow with. It is Monday morning of spring break. It is quite prettyful outside; the sun is out, there is a gentle breeze & it is not too hot & not too cold. My legs are aching. I have been blaring Bright Eyes in this empty house all morning & I have been lounging around & reading. I think afterwards I'm going to brew some coffee, spray my hair bright red, & play dress-up. [Where are black glitter wings when you need them?] I think I'll also roll a window down & blast Thursday to disturb the neighbors & their rude toddlers.

The last week has been busy & strange. Lots of work, feeling bad, & getting knocked on from others. Twice I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could lock myself in a bathroom stall & cry. I looked at myself in the mirror & saw my eyeliner-black tinted tears & shiny red eyes. I have to say; it was not a beautiful sight for me & I was pretty disgusted with myself. At least not too many people noticed. I hate it when people who do not usually care about you see you sniffling & ask you what's wrong in that high-pitched voice. It sounds so hollow. &most of the time they really do not care what is wrong with you; they just ask to bring more unwanted attention & to make themselves look good.

I spent a mini-vacation at the beach this weekend. My hair still smells like a mixture of the oceanfront hotel we stayed in & the sunscreen lotion from the beach. I do not want to wash it. Spent most of the day shopping. I got a Vans hoodie, a shirt, a backpack, a cheap black purse, some cheap jewelry, & a tennis racket that is all too professional for me [so I can take up tennis]. I already glued on my old & worn Jimmy Eat World patch on to the purse. I have some various shades of nail polish, white-out, & glitter. I'm paint on song lyrics & lines of my poetry onto the it. Now my mom will know why I wanted a $7 purse instead of a $40 leather purse. It's funny; she also wonders why I would rather have cheap jewelry from an accessories store instead of real gold & silver. I say fuck all that "bling-bling".

At night we walked down the boulevard just yards away from the shore. Stores & vendors & hotels lined up next to each other. The night was alive. You could feel the ocean near. College & high school kids on spring break were everywhere. They drove down the street with the windows down, poking their bodies out of their vehicles, screaming & waving at others. Guys were in trunks & t-shirts & girls were in their bikini tops. They gathered together in hotel balconies laughing, drinking, & smoking cigarettes. I saw a kid get arrested. I saw a group of guys buy tylenol, boxes of cereal, & condoms. I saw guys & girls sitting in the backs of trucks, videotaping the excitement around them so they could keep the memories forever.

I felt alone, just waving & saying what's up to anyone who greeted me. But everyone was with at least one other person. Even my parents hooked arms while walking down. I was just kind of there.

I got little sleep Saturday night. Woke up the next morning to a breakfast of Belgian waffles. I walked along the beach for the first time in two years. It felt so good to let the waves kiss my toes & smell the sunscreen lotion & the salt in the breeze. I wish I had a camera with me because it was a beautiful morning.

I will go back & have more fun the next time. Especially at night. I want to walk along the beach where everyone glows from the light of the moon & I will have someone to glow with.