Oh, how we've all grown up. I realized that even as a middle schooler, I wasn't exactly the happiest person in the world but I would never let anyone know. You move three thousand miles to the other coast and you are forced to go to the smallest school in the area, in an environment completely different from the one you are used to. You're still a kid at twelve years old. You're not strong, you don't let your feelings of disappointment be known to strangers. So you hang out with people who you just can't really bond with because you've never lived like this before. You immaturely rebel by becoming more silent. And you sink yourself deeper into alienation as you pretend that nothing in the world is wrong. And you secretly try to be like them, think like them, dress like them, whatever, while inside, you're telling yourself that nothing is wrong with this.

And then you reflect back upon this almost four years later and you want to slap yourself for being a dumbass.

So I've learned that I'm not them, will never be them, and I will possibly never have someone whom I can be superclose with; someone who can tell how I'm really feeling by just looking at me, while I am still here. I've learned that buying clothes from Express doesn't make you that much cooler [money-rippers with stuck-up employees like whoa]. Putting a huge smile on even when you are feeling like shit doesn't really help you. They'll probably never really like and admire you, so just stop trying. Your silent rebellion isn't the smartest thing in the world and still has its effects. You're going to be out of here in two years so just keep writing your crap and dreamin'. And there are lots of great people out there, keep hopes up.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." ~Fight Club [we need to all go out & make change some time or another]